


Living on Empty

by Chicki



Category: The L Word (TV 2004)
Genre: F/F, circa (2008)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 60
Words: 72,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24482464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicki/pseuds/Chicki
Summary: This was written back in 2008/2009.  Though, interesting enough, Angelica happens to be 16 in my story which is what she is now in the L Word - Generation Q.    However, this story was written well before and has no association with the new show or how I would write the 10 year gap that Generation Q seems to have mucked up in terms of Tibette.  That is a whole other Fan Fic.
Relationships: Tina Kennard/Bette Porter
Comments: 169
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

LIVING ON EMPTY  
Chapter 1

I pass by the bedroom mirror like I have done a million times. It’s a simple piece of reflective material that is meant to project back that which appears before it. The question is the honesty in that projection, and whether any gets lost in the interpretation by the subject standing before it. It’s bizarre how others tell me I’ve lost so much weight but the image that stares back at me always tells me an entirely different story. Why is it that I see nothing in return? Why is it that I don’t recognize the progress which the numbers on the scale tell me I have made?

I move to the dresser where I pull out the next pair of jeans that I bought a few weeks ago, anticipating that I would need to go down to the next size very soon. I pull the tags from the denim and stare at the number that stares back at me. It should be a symbol of the success of my weight loss, yet I don't feel a thing. I toss the unimportant tags to the bed as I slip my foot inside one pant leg, then the other. As I raise the jeans, I smile at how the first touch of them easily passes my thighs to my hips and finally my waist.

As I zip them I begin to feel confined. The stiff new denim begins to fit my body like a glove and I’m scared to make any attempt at securing the button. I know that all too familiar feeling that envelopes me when I take that final step to secure them to my body. It is then I want to run. I want to escape. I see a tiny bit of skin that touches the edge of the jeans and I panic, knowing that I didn’t do my job. I didn’t purge enough this week…

#

I welcome the fresh air that hits my face when I open the car door as I exit my vehicle. Though I expect to accomplish quite a bit at the school today, I am already finding it hard to concentrate and focus on much of anything outside of the way I am feeling in these new jeans. The one thing going for me, is that it’s school break and I won’t have to feel any judgmental eyes upon me from the slender students that swarm the campus during the school year. 

Looking back, I suppose I was always waging a battle to remain slim. My sister Kit had gone through hell during college, and gained a significant amount of weight. I remember my father being quite harsh and in some cases rather mean when it came to pointing out what he felt were flaws in her appearance. I couldn’t stand that scrutiny that he had placed on us, and so it was early on that I decided I wouldn’t let myself be dissected like that. I did whatever I needed to do to rid myself of the food that I took in. Food became an enemy. The bulimia became a secret.

I grabbed my lunch bag which contained a few grapes and a yogurt. As I entered the office, I passed by the maintenance man who was replacing some of the hallway lights that were burnt out.

“Hi Mike.”

“Hi Bette. Back for more huh?”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

Mike chuckled before returning his attention to the ballast he was working with. Mike was a great guy who I had come to know over the past year when I would work late and find myself alone in his company a few times. This was his second job which was helping to put his daughter through college. These days it seemed like everyone was over extending themselves so they could make ends meet. I guess I was pretty fortunate, as I had been a saver and not only did I have a generous savings account, I also knew I had invested wisely over the years.

As I sat down at my desk, I looked at the picture of Angelica that had been there since the picture was taken at her 3rd birthday party. She was now sixteen and I couldn’t believe how fast the years had flown by. Tina and I had decided to do our best at raising Angie together, but in separate homes. We never seemed to get back to that place where we were before I had abandoned my commitment to her and engaged in an indiscretion with Candace. Early on, we tried to resume a relationship a few times, but it never seemed to grow to anything beyond a trusting friendship. Did I want more? Absolutely I did. Over the years I would often rack my brain with questions like, did we stop trying? Did we try hard enough? 

As the years passed, I often wondered what could have been had we both given it our all and been open to accepting one another back into each other’s lives completely. It seemed like the times we tried, we were never in the same place at the same time. When she wanted it, I wasn’t prepared to risk my heart again. When I found myself in a place where I realized Tina was my soul mate, my everything, and that I couldn’t long for anyone other than her, she had moved so far along in her life that I didn’t stand a chance.

There were so many things that I think prevented us from recapturing that place where we were before. Can one ever go back and reclaim something they lost? Is it better to sit in a state of acceptance where you end up, and instead of wondering what could have been, just be happy and satisfied with what is?


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 

*************

I can’t believe the amount of paperwork I tend to hold onto between semesters. I am always thinking that I should save things ‘just in case’ I might need them. Yet, whenever a new semester falls upon me, I tend to want to re-create and go with something entirely new. I was grateful for the chance to come in before school started so I could prepare my files and syllabus ahead of schedule. My routine was interrupted by an incoming call on my cell phone.

“Hello.” 

“Hey Bette. Are you still picking Angie up tonight?”

“Yes, I planned on getting to your place around six o’clock.”

“Okay. I’m not sure what you girls have planned this weekend, but I know she was hoping to get to the mall to get some school clothes.”

“We can do that. I honestly didn’t plan much this weekend. I know she wanted me to take her out driving because she’s nervous about the driver’s ed class she is taking in a few weeks.”

“Yeah, she mentioned that she hoped you would both do that.”

I sat back in my chair as I contemplated the invitation I wanted to extend.

“Are you there?” Tina asked.

“Yes…I’m sorry. Um…I was thinking of having a cookout on Saturday. Would you and Nancy be available to join us?” It was hard asking Tina to bring her girlfriend with her, but I knew I had to extend the invitation to her as well if I wanted Tina to join Angie and myself for dinner.

“Nancy and I aren’t together anymore,” Tina said in a matter of fact tone which indicated it wasn’t up for a discussion.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine and better this way. Anyway, what time do you want me to be there?”

“Well I plan on starting the grill around five o’clock. You’re welcome to come by any time though.”

“Okay. Well I’ll probably take you up on that and come a little earlier so I can help you out. It’s suppose to be pretty hot this weekend.”

“I know. Why don’t you bring your swimsuit?” It was torturous to see Tina in the bikini’s she was known to wear when swimming, and I knew that this weekend would be no different. Actually, it had the potential of being far more difficult as she was “single” once again, and it was always during those times she was available that I found it hard to accept our lack of being together.

“Yeah?”

“Why not?”

“I suppose I should. I’ll have to remind Ange to pack her suit.”

“Actually, she keeps one here for when she comes over.”

“That’s right. Alright…well I’ll probably see you this evening when you come pick her up.”

“See you then.”

“Bye.”

I flipped the phone shut, then opened and closed it out of habit as I gave thought to the weekend. For selfish reasons, I was quite happy that Tina wasn’t with Nancy anymore. They had been together for five months, one of Tina’s longer engagements since we had broken up.

I turned my attention back to my work, where I found a little more life in my steps.

#

Angie and her friend Nicole were thumbing through a few magazines that Tina had received in the mail that afternoon. The girls were lounging in the living room, sharing their excitement about what the new school year was expected to bring.

“Are you going to try out for the basketball team this year Ange?”

“I hope to. I don’t know if I can get in shape in time though.”

Nicole looked over at Angie. “You look good.”

Angie rolled her eyes as she lifted her t-shirt up slightly. “I have like ten pounds I need to lose. I know for a fact that they won’t take any pudgy girls.”

“You’re not pudgy.”

“Yes I am. That’s what grandpa Melvin calls me.”

“Your grandfather needs glasses,” Nicole recommended. “I think you look fine.”

“I don’t. I wish I could look like my Momma B. She is so slim and…god she just looks great.”

“Yeah she does. I remember seeing her at the car wash we had at the school to raise money for our class.”

“That’s right.”

“Your Mom looks really good too.”

“I know. They both do. Momma B tends to be a little more obsessed about keeping weight off though. She hits the gym almost every day and runs several times a week too.”

“I wish we had a gym at school. I wouldn’t mind using it,” Nicole admitted as she browsed some of the latest fashions being modeled by some very slender women in the magazine. 

“Me too. I might see if I can get a gift certificate to the gym for Christmas. You don’t need to go to a gym though. You look great, you look like you dropped some weight since we got out of school in June.”

“It was easy.” Nicole continued to flip the pages of the magazine while Angie looked on in disbelief.

“I don’t think losing weight is easy at all. How was it easy for you?”

“Laxatives,” Nicole said nonchalantly.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

“Laxatives? Yuck!”

“It works. Do you know how much longer it would have taken to lose weight the regular way?”

“I know but still Nic, aren’t you afraid you won’t be near a bathroom when you really need one?”

“Nope. You learn how it works. It doesn’t take too long to get used to the time between taking them and when you have to go.”

Angelica was surprised by her friends admission. While she felt the use of laxatives to be uncomfortable, she also couldn’t deny the fact that Nicole had really looked great since their last year in school. She felt tempted to give this option a try. “How many do you have to take?”

Nicole placed the magazine down on the table, and gave her full attention to Angelica. “Well, I started off with about four a day, then I just kept upping them.”

“Are you taking them now?”

“Yep.”

“How many did you take at most?”

“About twenty five a day right now.”

“Oh my god. Are you serious?”

“Yep.” Nicole looked at the digital clock on the DVD player. “Hey Ange, I gotta get going. I am suppose to help my mom do some grocery shopping when she gets home from work. I’ll be online tonight and we can talk about it a little more if you want.”

“Oh…okay.” Angelica wanted to keep the discussion going. There was a unique interest in knowing someone personally who was engaging in something that she heard of other kids doing, but never someone close to her. She rose from the sofa and walked Nicole to the side door. “Hey Nic, if I decide I want to try it, will you help me figure out what I need to get?”

“Sure.”

Just as Nicole was walking out the back door, Tina pulled into the driveway and parked her car. Angelica was on the back step seeing her friend off. “I’ll be at Momma B’s but you can IM me later on.”

“Alright, I will.” Nicole waved to Tina and continued down the driveway and towards her home which was only a couple of blocks away.

“Hi Mom.”

“Hi Angie. Can you do me a favor honey and get the case of cat food from the back seat?”

“Sure.” Angelica retrieved Misty’s food from the back seat and followed her mother into the house. 

After placing the cat food in the pantry, Angelica returned to the kitchen where Tina was opening the mail.

“When is Momma B coming?”

“She said she would be here around six o’clock. You didn’t eat did you?”

“No, why?”

“She sent me a text saying that she emailed you this afternoon and wanted to know if you felt like getting chinese food for dinner.”

“I didn’t log onto my computer yet.”

“How is Nicole doing?” Tina asked as she arched a brow at the amount due on the electric bill

“Good. She and I want to join a gym.”

Tina hadn’t heard Angelica, as concern for the increasing monthly bill took precedence. “Ange, you need to turn your computer off at night.

“Why?”

“Because the electric bill keeps getting higher and higher each month and it started around the time that Momma B got you the laptop for your birthday.”

“But I talk to my friends at night,” Angelica explained.

“I understand, but you don’t need to go to sleep with it on.”

“Yes I do, what if one of them sends me an IM after I fall asleep?”

Tina didn’t say a word, for the expression she offered her daughter was a clear sign that the computer would be off once Angelica went to bed.

#

I was glad I decided to leave the office when I did, as the traffic had already begun getting heavier, and it wasn’t even peak hour yet. As I played with the radio button on my steering wheel, I was having a hard time shaking the memory of the emails I had read over again before cleaning them from my InBox. 

Terry was her name, my last girlfriend who I had been seeing for about a year before I ended things three months ago. She was a successful real estate agent who never settled for anything less than the best. We had met when I was inquiring about a timeshare in Hawaii. Long story short, the woman was incredibly attractive and not only did she know it, but she flaunted it with just the right style power suits she selected. Her friends used to joke that she could make a straight woman go gay. I couldn’t disagree with them, for Terry had one hell of a gorgeous figure. I often felt inferior in her presence, for she was such a fanatic about everything when it came to her image, and the determination to do whatever it took to stay slim was unmatched. I remembered how she would measure every single thing when it came to putting food into her body. She insisted on organic food only, and even then she was quite fussy about the food choices she made. 

As nutty as Terry could get about measuring food, working out, and jumping on the scale three times a day, I did find she inspired me to kick up my own exercise routine and focus on slimming down further. Her subtle and sometimes not so subtle reminders that I needed to watch what I was putting in my mouth, motivated me to do whatever I needed to…to feel worthy enough to be with her I suppose.

There was a rare moment when Tina had drank a little more than she normally would, and shared her true feelings about Terry. She felt Terry brought out the darker alpha side by pushing me to be perfect in ways that had become somewhat dangerous to my health. Tina was aware of the bulimia that I had battled since college, and was also aware of those times in my life which caused it to rear its ugly head. However, I didn’t agree with her feelings about Terry, as I felt she was simply looking out for my best interest. She wanted a lover who was her equal, someone who matched her drive and willpower when it came to fitness and image. Although the bulimia had abruptly spiked during the year I was with her, I felt incredibly attractive with each pound I shed and each size I went down. My success in my life had turned from not how many numbers I added to my pay stub, but instead how many numbers I was removing from the clothing tags. 

Tina wasn’t pleased with what she felt was unnecessary pressure that was being put on me to look better, when she felt I already looked great. It was always hard hearing her say that, because in my mind, if I was that attractive then why wasn’t Tina interested in resuming a relationship with me? Therapy would attempt to explain my interpretations as being a form of self induced punishment, chiseling at the self esteem issues that I so carefully hid. Bette Porter was a strong, capable, intelligent, and confident woman on the exterior. On the inside…she was someone that few knew.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

As I pulled into the driveway I found Angelica shooting hoops. I knew her heart was set on making the team this fall, so it wasn’t unusual to find her practicing quite a bit. I exited the car just as Tina was calling out to Angie.

“Angie, you didn’t change the cat litter like I asked.”

I looked from my daughter to the woman who was standing behind the screen door. There wasn’t a moment that ever passed that I didn’t feel like I was falling in love with her all over again. One would think that I would have mastered the ability to keep my emotions in check after so many years apart. I accomplished that task with ease when it came to other aspects of my life, but with Tina…with Tina it was simply impossible. When she turned her head towards me, I instantly felt like I was caught doing something wrong. 

“Bette, you have to talk to her,” Tina said as Angelica walked past Bette, up the stairs and into the kitchen.

“What’s going on?”

Tina stepped outside and joined me near my car. 

“I just can’t get her to be consistent with the chores she is suppose to be doing around here. I’m constantly having to remind her, and if I don’t then…well it just doesn’t get done.”

“I’m sure if you became just as absent minded about giving her the allowance that she earns from doing those chores you might see a difference.”

Tina formed a small smile as she exhaled a deep breath. “True.”

I felt her eyes scan my body which prompted me to fold my arms. It was a protective reaction, but not in the way one would think. I wasn’t trying to protect myself from Tina, but instead my own ability to self deprecate when I felt eyes upon me. Eyes upon me equated to feeling I was being judged.

“Nice jeans,” Tina commented.

“Thank you.”

“They look new,” Tina noted. “Turn around.”

I smiled at the request to show her my ass. “Are you serious?”

I felt Tina place a hand on my waist as she encouraged me to turn. “Come on Porter, let me see your ass.”

I chuckled just before turning around. I turned my head and attempted to look back at my ass, hoping it appeared okay in these jeans that I hadn’t become very confident about yet.

“You look like you’ve lost weight,” Tina observed. 

“A little bit.”

Tina looked at the woman she knew better than anyone. She was aware of the battle that Bette waged at different periods in her life when things were out of her control. She hoped that there wasn’t any new events in her life that were causing her to react in an unhealthy manner. “I hope you are doing it the healthy way.”

“Is there any other way?” I said sarcastically.

“It’s me you’re talking to, remember that.” 

“I’m okay.” Tina was a hard woman to convince, as she knew all too well the risks that I had taken in the past, and particularly over the last year. 

Tina looked back at my jeans. “I hope so. You really are looking thin.” She then looked at my face. “….drained.”

“Tee…I’m only three pounds less than I was when I was in my senior year of high school.”

“Bette,” Tina warned as she arched her brow. “Watch yourself. Please.”

Before I could manage a response, Angelica was coming out the back door buried by her oversized Nike bag and laptop bag. 

“I’m ready.”

“The litter box is all set?” Tina inquired.

“Yes Mom.” Angie did her best not to roll her eyes.

“Did you put all your clothes in the hamper? I want to do laundry this weekend.”

“Yes I did that too.”

Tina placed one hand on Angie’s shoulder, then leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. Have a good time with Momma B. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Okay.”

I watched as Angie opened the back door of my car and placed her things inside. Without waiting, she then made herself comfortable in the passenger seat and began to start text messaging from her cell phone.

“Have a nice dinner tonight. She hadn’t read her e-mail, but I told her that you planned on getting Chinese food.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll call it in now and pick it up before we get to the house.”

“Good idea.”

For a moment I felt awkward leaving Tina alone. I would have loved it if she joined us, so without hesitating any further I decided to ask. “If you want, you can come over and join us.”

“Oh, no…no I couldn’t. This is your time with her Bette.”

“Tee, I am sure Angie doesn’t mind if you come.”

“It’s okay, you both enjoy yourselves.”

I couldn’t help but want to reach out more. “If you don’t want to come to the house, maybe we can just eat it at the restaurant.”

“Honey, it’s – “ Before Tina could stop herself, she had slipped with a term of endearment that she often used with Angie. “…it’s okay, I’m fine.”

Tina didn’t seem to flinch at the slip. For me, it sent a surge of adrenalin throughout my body. It was one thing when Tina was directing verbal affection towards Ange, but to have her stand before me and slip, drove me crazy. Perhaps my strong reaction was in part that we were both single at the same time, something that didn’t happen often, and which created that small window of opportunity for us.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

“Okay. Well…I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” I felt my body hesitate to turn towards the car. I recognized the delay, but couldn’t seem to budge. I was stuck in a moment where my thoughts started running faster than my mind could understand. I wanted so bad to ask that we go inside for a few minutes and divulge what had been passing through my head, since I learned that she was no longer involved with Nancy. Part of what has been dominating my mind is the desire to try again. This desire wasn’t new in terms of wanting it, for it was a big factor in why I left Terry. I realized that I could never be all that she wanted, and I was done trying. At the very same time, I found my thoughts returning to Tina. I wanted to return to that “us” place, the place where things were back to being about “we” and not just “I.” The demon had started to rage within me when I realized that it wasn’t in my control. I had no control of whether we got back together, because relationships were about two people and not just one.

“Are you okay?” Tina inquired, curious about why I was still standing there like an idiot.

“Yes. Yes I’m okay. I should get going.” I turned back towards my car, feeling that I lacked the courage I would need to change the way my life was, and what I wanted it to be.

Ange was still busy sending and reading text messages, oblivious to my blunder outside of the car. “So kiddo…what’s new?”

“Nothing,” Angie said as her fingers worked quickly to reply back to whomever it was she was texting with.

“Nothing? There has to be something new going on.”

“Not really. There’s a boy in the class that I think likes me.”

God, a boy. I wasn’t prepared to begin talking about dating, sex, birth control. I always hoped to take the easy way out by praying that when it was time that it came up, she was in Tina’s care.

“Oh…and you? Do you like him?”

“Not sure really.” Angie giggled at the text message that she had just received. “I guess so…we’ll see.”

I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, bracing myself for the unexpected discussion. “We’ll see? What does that mean? Did he actually ask you out? How old is he?”

“Mom, chill…one question at a time.”

I was feeling somewhat anxious by Angelica’s nonchalant answers as well as her texting during what I found to be a conversation that was going to be rather important. “I…I’m sorry Angie, this is new to me in terms of you potentially dating. Does Momma T know about this?”

“No, I haven’t bothered to say anything. She’s a little too busy getting cranked up with me all the time.”

Angie and I shared what I would term as a very easy going relationship. As she was getting older, I expected her to shut me out as she turned towards her friends more than her parents. Instead, I was surprised by the fact that it never seemed to change much at all. I was relatively proud that I must have done something right, for it wasn’t unusual for her to open up to me first about a variety of things that were going on in her life. My attention returned back to what she had just shared. “Tell me….what’s going on with you two? It seems like there is a little tension there.”

Angie placed her cell phone on her lap. “Where do you want me to start? I mean, she gets on my back about some of the chores not getting done fast enough. It’s not like I don’t do them at all….it’s just not as fast as she wants it done, ya know?”

“Do you explain to her why you might not be able to do something right away?”

“She doesn’t listen to me.”

“Do you think that maybe you might be letting a little too much time pass by before you do what needs to get done?” I was hoping to reason with my daughter, as I didn’t want to add more stress to the situation between them.

“No, not really.”

“Well let’s take tonight for example. When I pulled into the driveway you were playing basketball. Maybe if you had finished your chores before you went out to play, it would have been a better idea.”

“Mom, what’s the big deal if I did it later?”

“Later? Angie do you honestly think you would have remembered to change the litter box on your own? Let’s be serious here, if Momma T didn’t say something you probably would have gone into the house and grabbed your stuff and left.” I glanced at the expression on Angie’s face which showed a reluctance to agree. “Am I right?”

“No…I don’t think so.”

“Ange…” I encouraged.

“Alright, maybe. But that’s not a fair example.”

“Honey all I’m saying is that maybe if you communicated a little more with Momma T, or just did the chores before she has a chance to ask about them, then it might avoid any problems between the two of you.”

Angie didn’t respond back. Instead she flipped her phone open and started to text message someone again.

#

Tina relished the weekends when she had a day or two to herself. She loved her daughter dearly, and enjoyed whatever time they were able to have together, but between the stress at work and what was now becoming a trend at home between them, she looked forward to pampering herself in silence.

She opened the fridge and pulled out some items to make a salad. As she did, she worried about Bette. For whatever reason she hadn’t seem to notice any gradual weight loss, but today it seemed to have hit her in the face. She wondered what was going on in her life that would have brought it forward once again. It seemed as though she had been making progress towards remission once she left Terry. She was curious as to what struggle Bette was experiencing that she wasn’t in control of.

Once she finished preparing her salad, she carried it out to the sun room where she took a seat on the sofa and put her feet up on the wicker table. As she slowly ate her dinner, she wondered what the hesitation was all about earlier, when Bette had stood in front of her. It seemed like she had something she wanted to say. The question remained just what that was.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

“What are you going to order?” I asked as I peered across the table. “The usual?”

“No, I want something different.”

I was surprised by the answer which came. Angie loved chicken fingers, pork fried rice and fried shrimp. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Angie said as she perused the menu. “Maybe I’ll just get some steamed veggies.”

“Steamed veggies? Since when do you eat that?”

“I want to start to eat a little healthier Mom. I need to make the basketball team.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It means I have to get in shape.”

Angie looked fine to me. She was a pretty active young lady as it was, so there certainly wasn’t any need to be concerned about her appearance. “You are in shape.”

“Mom can’t I just order what I want?”

I sensed the irritation in her voice and decided to drop the questions. “Yes, of course.”

When the waiter came to the table, Angie ordered steamed vegetables and I ordered my usual Gai Po Lo Mein.

“You’re lucky you don’t gain any weight.”

I sipped some water then placed the glass on the table. “I work out quite a bit.”

“Yeah, I really want to work out at a gym too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I was trying to tell mom tonight, but she was too pissed off about the electric bill.”

I was surprised to hear Angie say the word pissed. I didn’t want to hop on her about it, as I sensed she had been feeling that reaction a little too much in her life right now. “Um, what about the electric bill?”

“She was upset that I keep my laptop on overnight. She wants me to start shutting it off at night when I go to bed.”

“Sounds reasonable to me.”

“Not to me,” Angie shot back with a bit of passion in her voice.

#

Tina towel dried her hair following her shower, then settled down on the bed to edit the latest manuscript that she was writing. In a fleeting moment six years earlier, Tina had submitted a manuscript to a publishing company that she was steered towards by Helena. It was a pleasant and unexpected surprise when the book was picked up, and then a contract was signed for a second book three years later. This manuscript would be her third book should they choose to publish it. This time it was a whole new genre which border lined lesbian erotica.

As Tina made progress with her manuscript, her routine was interrupted by the house phone ringing.

“Hello.”

“Hey Tee, it’s me.”

Tina placed her laptop on the side of her and gave Bette her undivided attention. “Hi Bette. Did you girls have a nice time tonight?”

“Yeah, it was good. I had a few surprises this evening.”

“You did?”

“Yes. Apparently our daughter has a boy interested in her.”

“She does? She never said a thing to me about it.”

“Well I sure wish she had. I wasn’t prepared for any of it.”

Tina could sense the anxiety in Bette’s voice. “Okay, well let’s just relax and keep it in perspective. If this boy was so important, I’m sure she would have mentioned something sooner. What did she tell you?”

“She said that she felt he was interested. When I pushed further, she really didn’t want to get into it so I let it go. I think you should talk to her.”

“Me?”

“Yes. She obviously didn’t want to talk to me about it.”

“Well she said more to you than she has to me. If she is going to discuss it, I’m sure it will be with you.”

‘Tee…”

“Well what am I meant to say? I can’t just bring it up out of the blue, because she would know you spoke to me. I don’t think that she would appreciate knowing you spoke to me about something that she hadn’t brought to my attention first.”

Bette hesitated a moment. It was true that Angie would likely feel a sense of betrayal. “Alright, well maybe it can somehow come up tomorrow during dinner.”

“What was the other thing?”

“What other thing?”

“You said you had a few surprises.”

“Oh yeah, the other thing is her diet.”

“Diet? What diet?”

“Have you noticed her eating differently at all? Maybe a little more choosy?”

“Not really. She never said anything about being on a diet. Why on earth would she do that, she looks fine the way she is.”

“I don’t know. Tonight she ordered steamed vegetables.”

Tina couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Angie loved Chinese food, particularly the chicken fingers and spare ribs. “Are you serious? None of the usual?”

“No. She said she has to get into shape to make the basketball team.”

“Jesus…” Tina whispered.

“What?”

“I just don’t understand her sometimes. I live with her all week, and she hardly says anything to me. She goes with you, and within a few hours all this stuff comes out.”

Bette sensed Tina was feeling left out. “Tee…perhaps you girls need to talk to one another about things other than the chores.”

“That isn’t all we talk about Bette,” Tina said defensively.

“Well, maybe in her eyes it is. She shared that there seems to be some space between you both, and that so much of your discussions surround her responsibilities at home and whether she has accomplished them or not.”

Tina felt cornered. “There is a lot more to our discussions than that. I can’t believe she is telling you things like that.”

“Tina…relax. She isn’t making you out to be some bad mother. She is sharing that there is some tension between you both, something I saw for myself tonight when I picked her up.

Tina took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. She knew that Bette wasn’t trying judge her, nor was her daughter. “I’m sorry. Things definitely have been a bit tense between us and it does seem that there have been more discussions around her lack of participating in the day to day responsibilities than anything else lately.”

Bette and Tina continued to discuss their daughter, and how they might approach a few things collectively, rather than separately. The conversation was going well, and it was then that Tina felt the time was right to inquire further about Bette’s recent weight loss.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

“Speaking about diets…” 

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you?”

“Nothing, why?”

“Come on Bette…don’t make me fish.”

“Tee, I’m fine. I just needed to drop a few pounds. I’m nearly where I want to be.”

Tina didn’t want to push too hard, but she was worried. She was worried because she knew that side of Bette which few were privy to know. The intensity that she possessed had a habit of manifesting itself in area’s which could be harmful. Tina was dating Bette at the time she was diagnosed with bulimia, so the illness wasn’t a secret between them.

“Are your purging?” Tina asked bluntly.

“No…”

“Bette…” Tina urged.

With anyone else I would have stood firm in my place of denial. Tina wasn’t just anyone else. She knew me too well, and also knew my history. “I have, but not much, honestly.”

Though Tina was pretty sure it was happening, the confirmation sent chills down her spine. “How long…how long have you been back to doing this?”

There was a long pause.

“Bette…how often?”

“Maybe one…two meals.”

“A day?”

“Yes.”

Tina nervously snaked her hand through her hair. “Are you in therapy again?”

“No, I don’t need to be. I can stop any time I want to. I just don’t want to.”

“Baby….please don’t do this.”

The affectionate affirmation caused Bette to pay attention rather than become defensive. Tina continued, taking advantage of the silence.

“I know the routine all too well. What’s happening with you? What’s going on in your life that you aren’t in control of?”

Bette wasn’t prepared to share what she wanted. She wasn’t going to put any unnecessary pressure on Tina, and certainly didn’t want her to come back in her life out of pity. “Tina, I’ll be okay, I promise.”

Tina wasn’t convinced. “If you promise something, can you promise one thing?”

“What?”

“That you will call your therapist and at least get back in to see her, or go to the group meetings you used to go to.”

Bette hated therapy, for it picked at so many old wounds. However, it was much easier to agree to sit with a group of strangers than to tell Tina what her heart was feeling. “I’ll find out when the support group is meeting next and catch one next week.”

Before hanging the phone up Tina had obtained a list of dates that the group would be meeting. “I’ll email the dates that the support group will be meeting. Be sure to add them to your calendar.”

“How did you find them?”

“I googled it.”

“You remembered the name?”

“Of course. I remember things that are important to me.”

Bette felt herself feel more for the woman who had once shared a big part of her life, both the bright moments and dark ones alike.

#

Angie was tapping away at her keyboard, chuckling at the crazy replies that Nicole was dishing out on her end.

APK16: u r a nut

ThinIsIn: u know it!

APK16: momma B wasn’t happy that I only had veggies 2nite 4 dinner

ThinIsIn: yeah?

APK16: yeah. She did say she would talk 2 my Mom about the gym

ThinIsIn: 

APK16: how much r the laxatives?

ThinIsIn: get the store brand, they r cheaper

APK16: how much should I start with?

ThinIsIn: depends, 3 or 4 maybe

APK16: ok but 4 how long?

ThinIsIn: I got myself up 2 about 30 within a week. can get expensive. how much allowance do u get?

APK16: twenty bucks a week.

ThinIsIn: that’s not gonna be enough

APK16: ???

ThinIsIn: it’s like 6 bucks for about 25 tabs. U would need 2 get up 2 at least 20 a day to see it come off

APK16: Damn! That is like 40 bucks a week I will need

ThinIsIn: Yep

APK16: I don’t have that kind of money

ThinIsIn: will ur mom give you a raise in ur allowance?

APK16: ha ha doubt it

APK16: BRB

Angie quickly minimized her Yahoo Messenger when she heard the light knock on her bedroom door. “Come in.”

“Hey, what are you still doing up?”

“I’m not tired.”

“What are you doing?”

Angie glanced back at the computer screen, nervous that there was anything which she may have accidentally left opened. “Nothing, just surfing. I’m going to go to bed in a few minutes.”

“Okay. Don’t stay up too late okay?”

“I won’t.” Angie looked at the clock. It was 12:30 a.m., and under normal conditions she would already be fast asleep. On this night, she was too excited by thoughts of that perfect figure that seemed to be closer to becoming a reality than ever before.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

I stared at the bedroom ceiling for what seemed like most of the morning before I found myself able to get out of bed. I think the only saving part was that Angie was with me on weekends, otherwise I’m not sure I would have found the motivation to move an inch. For me, staying in bed and sleeping late meant that there were less hours I would be awake and have to think about meals and food choices. Sick isn’t it? The very thing that I needed to live on was the very thing which was my enemy…food.

It was an illness that became an addiction. I wasn’t the typical bulimic who ate large amounts of food with the intent of ridding themselves of it afterwards. In fact, what was difficult with my illness was that I didn’t overeat. I just didn’t want food to stay inside of me. Food to me equated to fat. Fat to me equated to being unattractive. I couldn’t get to the ‘fat’ part if it wasn’t for the ‘food’ part. 

I stumbled between skipping meals all together, or having an average meal followed by purging. Tina had hit the nail on the head, and I wasn’t at rest knowing that someone knew me as well as she did. Yes, during moments where I felt that I was not in control of my own life, my future, any relationship I may or may not be in, I felt helpless. During that helplessness I needed to feel like I could control something. Starving or purging were ways that I was in control. Sure it was an extremely dangerous and unhealthy pattern to follow, but it was more than just that. Purging meant that I wouldn’t feel full. I would instead feel empty…a feeling that I often found growing up in Melvin’s household.

“Mom, Momma T is on the phone,” Angie yelled from the other side of the bedroom door. I hadn’t even heard the phone ring. Goes to show you how far away my thoughts had brought me.

“Okay, I’ll pick it up in here,” I called back.

Once I pushed the button on the phone, I heard Angie disconnect her end. “Hey Tee.”

“Hi. I’m going to stop at the grocery store, do you want me to get anything in particular?”

“I pretty much have everything. I bought a variety pack of chicken that I want to marinade first, and I have some hot dogs and hamburgers too.”

“Sounds good. What about a salad?”

“I have that covered as well. I also bought some potato salad that Angie likes, the one without the onions.”

“Oh good, she’ll love that.”

“So you see, everything is under control,” I said.

“Alright. Well how about I buy some bread from the bakery?”

“That’s good. It will go nice with the salad.”

“Alright, well what time do you want me to come by? You probably already have everything half done already as it is.”

I wasn’t going to be the one to admit I was still in bed, and it didn’t sound like Angie shared that with Tina either. “Um…it’s 11:35 now…maybe around 1:30?”

“Okay, I’ll see you then. If you find you need something before then just call my cell.”

“I will.”

“Bye.”

“Bye Tee.” I placed the phone on the charger then pushed to get my sorry ass out of bed.

#

“When are we going to go clothes shopping?” Angie asked as she played with the dial on her iPod.

I looked at my daughter who was lazily lounging on the sofa in the living room. “Why don’t you come in here and help me put this salad together and we can talk about it.” The last thing I wanted was to find Angelica in a routine where my place was a vacation, while her weekdays with Tina were filled with responsibility. I was becoming more aware of the disparity that was already existing between the two homes, and hoped to bring both homes together in terms of expectations.

“Me?”

“No, your sister behind you,” I said with a hint of sarcasm.

Angie rose from the sofa, a bit confused at the request to help out. “You look like you have it under control mom,” Angie noted as she looked at the cutting block which already contained some sliced tomato’s.

“Funny. Here, cut up some cucumbers.”

“Isn’t it dangerous for me to be using a sharp knife like this?”

I couldn’t believe the length at which Angie was going to avoid helping out. “Honey, I don’t think cutting up cucumbers is as dangerous as say…taking you out for some driving lessons.”

Angie knew the point that her mother was making and willingly began cutting up the vegetables for the salad.

“Mom, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How can I make more money?”

I took the container which the chicken was marinating and shook it up before returning it to the fridge. “You mean in terms of your weekly allowance?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not sure. I doubt it’s a good time to look for more responsibility at home which might pay you a few more dollars a week.”

“Why not?” Angie asked, still reluctant to see where she was faltering already with her chores.

I rinsed my hands under the water then dried them on a tea towel. “You’re kidding right?”

“What?”

“We talked about this last night Ange. If you are falling behind on the things that your mother has you doing now, there is no way you can take on more responsibility until you show her that you are going a great job managing the jobs you have now.”

“I do them. I told you that. It’s that she gets too picky with me.”

“Who gets picky with you?” Tina asked as she walked into the kitchen carrying her oversized bag and a sleeve of fresh bread. “The door was wide open, hope you don’t mind.”

I looked at Tina, who looked exceptionally striking in the petite denim shorts she was wearing, complimented by a black v-neck racerback halter top. “Uh…Hi.”


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

As Tina placed the bread on the counter, I couldn’t help but notice how high the back part of her shorts went. I pulled my eyes away when she turned from the counter and repeated her question to Angie, “Who is getting picky with you?”

“No one,” Angie said while scraping the remnants of veggies from the cutting block into the trash. 

I felt Tina’s eyes return to me when she didn’t seem to get too much from Angie. I offered an expression back, which told her not to push and changed the subject. “Are you hungry Tee?”

“A little bit. The salad looks really good,” Tina said in Angie’s direction.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Should I start putting the chicken on the grill?” I inquired while I picked an occasional olive from the salad bowl.

“Yeah, that will take a little while to cook through,” Tina said. “Is it in the fridge?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll grab that while you start the grill if you want?”

“Sure.” I started the gas grill to allow it to get hot enough for the chicken and returned to the kitchen.

“Is there anything else I can do?” Angie asked, a question which caused both Tina and I to turn our heads abruptly. This was coming from the young lady who was having difficulty remembering to do chores, let alone come right out and offer before being asked.

“Uhm…you could grab some silverware and dishes from the cabinet and put them on the table out back.”

Tina folded her arms and leaned against the counter, unsure of what that change in attitude was all about. When Angie was at a safe distance, Tina shared her thoughts. “What happened to the girl who stomped past me to change the cat litter last night?”

“Oh she’s still here, don’t you worry about that,” I chuckled as I gave Tina’s surprised look more thought.

“I have never had her actually look for something to do,” Tina continued. “Does she usually ask to help when she is with you?”

“Not really. I mean weekends we do some things together, but a lot of times she is hanging by the pool, on her computer, or listening to her iPod while I am doing my thing.”

“Your thing?”

“Well…things like getting the recycle and trash together for pick up on Monday, sorting the laundry, maybe kicking my feet up and reading. Things like that.”

“Don’t be afraid to ask for a little help from her on the weekends you know.”

“I’m not. I’m just use to doing things my own way.”

#

Once Angie returned to the kitchen, I explained that dinner would be in about thirty minutes, and she could do what she wanted until then. She decided to go back to her room, leaving both of us alone.

“Do you want me to bring anything else outside?” Tina asked.

“You can grab a small platter from the cabinet on the left there for when the chicken is done.”

“Okay.”

I brought the container of chicken outside with me as the grill would likely be ready. Once Tina was outside, she stood by the grill for a few minutes offering additional help as we started to talk about Angie.

“Angie wants an increase in her allowance.”

Tina started to chuckle. “Uh…right, and I would like to have my mortgage paid off. She get’s twenty dollars a week, which should be plenty for a girl her age.”

I arched a brow in Tina’s direction. “Tee…she’s sixteen. I’m sure she must go with her friends to the mall and see things she likes.”

“Bette, trust me…she doesn’t want for anything.”

“I’m not saying you or even I deprive her of things. Take one look at her closet full of clothes here and at your place and you’ll see proof of how well taken care of she is. I’m saying that today twenty dollars doesn’t go far. If she hits the mall and has lunch, half of the money is gone right there.”

“Can you understand why I wouldn’t be perceptive to increasing what she gets?”

“I do. I can completely understand that, and it’s exactly what I told her.”

Tina appeared a little surprised. “You did?”

“Yes. I told her that now may not be the right time to ask for more money, when she’s having a hard time properly accomplishing what she is already suppose to be doing.”

“What did she say to that?”

“She was disappointed that she didn’t have my support, but I think she sees what I was getting at.”

Tina took a seat on the lounge chair which wasn’t far from the grill. “Well I appreciate your support. I just feel like I’m failing sometimes. I feel like there can be such a huge disconnect between us, you know?”

I placed the last piece of chicken on the grill, then walked towards the lounger. Tina’s long tanned legs looked soft. She had to have just shaved them this morning, for they were so smooth and flawless. Once I had gotten close enough to the lounger for her to realize that I was going to sit on the lower part by her legs, she moved them over to allow room.

“I know that things are difficult some times. I’m also aware that if she were with me five days a week, particularly during the school year, that I might find myself riding her a bit harder in terms of making sure she was doing her chores as well as her school work. I’ve always tried to be cognizant of the fact that I get her on the weekends which tends to be her down time, so naturally the interaction is lighter and easy going. At the same time though, I’ve expressed to her how the difference in our approach has a lot to do with the energy and demands required during the week verses the weekend.”

“I know you try to keep things in the proper light. I’m just not sure she does.”

I tried hard to stay in the moment and remain focused on her eyes and face. Sitting so close to her as she exposed about fifty percent of her skin, was awfully difficult to overlook. I felt it, the moment my eyes drifted from her eyes. I paused briefly at her jaw and then her lips, before descending to her neck and settling on her cleavage. As my eyes journeyed back up to her eyes, I found they were watching me the entire time. “I’m sorry…” It was about all I could say, and it was a lie. I wasn’t sorry. I wasn’t sorry for looking or for wanting. Today was going to be more difficult than I had prepared for, and she hadn’t even dropped down to her bikini yet.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Tina hesitated a long time before saying a word. She feared opening Pandora’s box, for how could she know for sure where Bette was in her life at this time? She wanted to take hold of the brunette’s hand and share that she still had intense feelings which she worked hard to dismiss since they decided to separate. However, knowing that Bette was in a fragile place with the bulimia currently active, she withheld pouring her heart out as she felt it wasn’t a pressure which Bette needed to take on right now.

“That was…inappropriate,” I quickly admitted while my embarrassment added to the warmth that the sun was providing on my face.

“No…it wasn’t.” Tina was surprised by the sliver of honesty she chose to share.

“Really?” I was taken back by her reply. I wasn’t sure if she was just messing around with her words, or if there was more meaning to what she was saying. I didn’t want to read too much into it, as I knew I could find myself easily hurt if I was jumping to conclusions too quickly.

Tina nodded, confirming what she said. “It’s fine. It…it…oh never mind.”

I shifted so I was now facing her. “No, what were you going to say?” 

“Never mind, it was crazy.” Tina started to shift so she could stand from the lounger. 

At this point it was clear that she wasn’t just pacifying my discomfort with words. It seemed as though there was a slight chance that there was something of substance behind what she said. I couldn’t allow this chance to pass by without urging her to continue, so without hesitating I reached for her forearm. “It’s not crazy. I’d like to know what you were going to say.”

“Mom the grill is on fire!” 

Angie’s frantic words pulled me from the intimate moment we were engaged in and diverted my attention to the grill. “Damn it!”

Tina sprinted inside the house while I ran towards the grill. By the time she returned with a wet dishtowel and box of baking soda, everything was under control, with the only problem being several charcoaled pieces of chicken.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. We lost the chicken though.”

“Great, the best part is ruined,” Angie complained.

“That’s not true, we still have some nice juicy burgers and hot dogs,” I pointed out.

“Fattening food, who wants that?”

Tina frowned. “Since when are you not interested in having a hot dog? You have always liked them.”

“I am turning over a new leaf. I’m going to be watching what I eat. I’m getting on the basketball team if it kills me.”

As I pulled each blackened chicken part from the grill, I decided to add my two cents. “You know, making the team is about skill and a lot of practice. What on earth does it have to do with what size shorts you wear?”

“It has everything to do with it. Making the team is like being on the cheerleading squad. They look for appearances when it comes to sports.”

“That isn’t true,” I countered. “You can have the prettiest most slimmest girl try out for the team, but if she can’t run or is too afraid to play with a slight edge of aggressiveness, she isn’t going to make it.” I could see from my daughters expression that I was getting nowhere fast.

Angie folded her arms. “Have you seen an ugly athlete on television or in magazine ads? Hardly mom. Thin is in.” Angie turned back towards the sliding door and disappeared into the house.

“I’m not liking this,” Tina shared. “This is crazy. She doesn’t need to lose weight…anymore than you need to.”

I instantly felt a need to defend myself. I shut the grill off and placed the platter of ruined food on the glass tabletop. “What is that suppose to mean?”

Tina placed her hand on her forehead while she took a deep breath. “I don’t want to say the wrong thing right now, so it’s best that I not try to explain myself.”

“I would appreciate it if you would. I’m feeling like your words are holding me responsible for her sudden obsession with her appearance.”

Tina arched her brow.

“So you are?”

“No, and I already said I don’t think it’s wise for us to discuss it at this time.”

“Tina, don’t. If there is something you are feeling, I think we should talk about it.”

Tina hesitated for the longest time. I wasn’t sure she was going to speak to me at all, at least not until she took a seat on one of the patio chair’s and began to speak slowly while I took a seat across from her. “I know you are fragile right now. I’m so worried about you – wait, please don’t interrupt.”

My body language clearly revealed my intent to step in and reassure her once more that I was okay. I sat back and waited for her to continue.

“…You cannot try to pull something over on me. I thought about you last night, and this morning. I’m not someone at the college or some new flame you have in your life. I am the woman who you spent quite a few years with. I was there remember? I was there when you had four root canals because your teeth were starting to rot from the acid in your stomach that came up when you puked.”

I was extremely uncomfortable with the discussion. Not only was she reminding me that she knew the truth, but she was providing the painful evidence of some of the hardest moments when I was battling the disease.

“Tee…”

Tina put her hand up. “No, I need for you to listen to me. I know you are in a delicate place, but I also can’t sit back and watch you both…yes, you both go down a destructive and dangerous road together. That girl, our daughter is beginning down the same path you did when you were younger.”

“Tina, she doesn’t have someone named Melvin in her life on a daily basis. We have never judged her appearance, nor have we ever made her weight the topic of conversation.”

“Bette, don’t you get it? She isn’t blind to the fact that we are both in decent shape, and that you are obsessed with hitting the gym and running. She sees that weight is something we are mindful of, even if we aren’t discussing it on a daily basis.”

“We have a right to want to keep in shape, without worrying that she is taking it the wrong way Tee. It isn’t like we are being malicious and purposely placing pressure in her direction.

“Yes, we do. However, there is a difference between us Bette. I’m not hitting the gym for two hours a day. I’m not getting up early in the morning to run. I don’t even know how you do it when you are ridding your body of the vitamins and nutrition it needs to function.”

“I have it worked out okay? I know what I’m doing.”

Tina rolled her eyes. “They all do. Almost everyone with an eating disorder is so ‘in control’ aren’t they?”

“I take my vitamins in the evening before I go to bed so that it has time to stay in my body overnight. I drink plenty of water as I am eating, because….” I had let my mouth move faster than my logic.

“I know why. I was there the day it happened….”


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

I cringed when I heard the concurrence. Why I let my thoughts form into words and flow easily from my mouth, I didn’t know. I remained silent, incapable of forming any additional words while I sorted out my feelings.

“I was concerned when you didn’t come out of the bathroom at the restaurant, as I knew what you were likely doing following our meal.”

“I’m here today aren’t I?”

“Bette, please don’t lessen the severity of that day. You’re here because Shane went to check up on you. Lucky she had arrived only seconds after you found yourself choking on the food that had gotten stuck on the way out. If she wasn’t there to do the heimlich…” Tina couldn’t continue finishing the sentence. 

I watched as Tina’s eyes started to fill with tears. “I’m sorry Tee. I didn’t intend to worry everyone. I…it’s such a personal thing, that it’s hard to remember that it impacts everyone.”

“It does. Honey it impacts family, friends, colleagues to name just a few. It may feel personal but it’s far from personal when it ends up affecting so many.” Tina paused as she collected her thoughts. “I care about you…very much. I have always loved you unconditionally, and I hope you always felt that.”

The truth was I did. The pressure I felt was self induced and which had been born when I was still living at home under Melvin’s scrutiny. There were some pressures I felt which were both direct and indirect from various women I had dated, but when it came to Tina I never felt a need to be anyone more than who I was.

“Did you hear me?” Tina asked.

“I’m sorry Tee. Yes, I did hear you. I always felt accepted by you. This illness had developed in my life long before you, and was probably in remission the longest while we were together. The two times it spiked while we were involved was when my mother was sick with cancer and I felt so lost and filled with those desperate feelings of wanting to save her…wanting that control. That feeling of losing control over what was happening in my life and around me had caused me to slip. The second time was when I was with the CAC and we lost major funding at a time when the auditors were implying that there were mismanagement of funds.”

“I remember,” Tina said softly. “You pulled through both of those major events in your life. You have the strength to do it Bette, you just need to set your mind to it again.”

“I did. I was very lucky to have so much support in my life at that time.” I found myself getting melancholy about all the times that Tina was actually in my life, walking beside me as I faced some extremely difficult periods. “I’m not sure I would have been able to get through any of those moments without you.”

“You give me too much credit. You would have. You’re a strong woman.”

“Sometimes I think I can take on the world. Other times…I feel like all I want to do is stay tucked away safely in bed and not get up and face a thing.” Tina stared at me. I could feel both her mind and eyes working. 

“Do you want to tell me what is going on in your life right now that is bringing this to the surface again?”

God how I wanted to have the courage to face the potential rejection and just tell her what I wanted. I was so scared. It was a feeling that only added to my own discomfort, for I didn’t like to be fearful of anything. Being fearful meant that something had more power over me. “I can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to…I do…but I can’t.”

Tina appeared confused. She pushed a little more before ceasing to go any further when she realized I wasn’t budging and recognized that pressuring me would only force me to retreat further. Tina was good at being able to pull things from me when most people couldn’t. I can remember a number of times where her persistence at getting to the bottom of what was wrong, worked far better than her simply accepting my initial responses that I didn’t want to discuss something. She always knew when to push, how hard, and just when it was best to pull back. I don’t think I ever met a woman before or after her who had that special ability to read me so well. Many times when I tried to shut down, put walls up, and withdraw inward I found myself met with resistance from Tina. On more occasions than not, she wasn’t going to allow me to do that.

#

While I added a few freshly sliced lemons to the pitcher of lemonade, I observed Angie and Tina from the kitchen window. I couldn’t identify just why it was happening, but there was something that wasn’t sitting right between the two. In recent weeks it appeared they were butting heads more than ever before. It was hard to watch the tension build between them and I felt helpless in my ability to intervene. I gave the lemonade one final stir with the long wooden spoon and then joined my two favorite girls outside.

“Nice cold lemonade!”

“Looks good honey,” Tina said loosely as I poured her glass first.

“Thanks, hope it tastes as good.” When I reached across the table to pour Angie a glass, I placed my free hand on Tina’s back to balance me. At the point that my arm was extended beyond her, I felt her eyes steal a peek at my cleavage. Upon pulling my arm back and straightening up I glanced down at her and smiled. It was adorable when she became embarrassed, knowing she had been caught. 

“How about yourself?” Tina asked.

“Pardon?”

“The lemonade. You forgot to pour yourself a glass.”

“Oh…right.” I had become so distracted by Tina’s wandering eyes that I had completely forgotten to pour myself some lemonade. She smiled back at me as she took the initiative to grab the pitcher and pour me a glass as well. “Thank you.’

“You’re welcome.” 

I looked over at Angie’s empty plate. “Boo, are you having a hard time deciding between the jumbo dog or the juicy patty?”

Angie sat back and folded her arms. “I’m not hungry for this kind of food.”

I glanced at Tina, who spoke before I could.

“Angie there isn’t anything wrong with this food. Momma B even bought your favorite…potato salad with no onions.”

“I told you already Mom, I don’t eat that crap anymore.”

“Watch your mouth,” Tina shot back. “It’s lunch time and I expect you to eat something.”

“Boo –“ Before I could finish, Angie had abruptly grabbed a hot dog from the platter and started to chew on the end of it. “Um…would you like a bun?”

“No, I don’t even want this but someone is forcing me to eat.”

Tina took a deep breath in and placed her hand against her forehead.

“Angie, mom just wants you to have something in you. She would rather see you eat than not eat.”

“No, she wouldn’t Momma B. Mom is just upset because she gained a little weight and wants me to gain some too so she doesn’t feel so bad.”


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

I cringed as our daughter shared her opinion, one which was not only harsh but I found disrespectful of Tina. Just as I was prepared to address it myself, Tina had struck.

“You are out of line young lady.”

“It’s true. I’m not saying you look bad or anything Mom, but ever since you gained weight you always seem to be on my case about eating.”

“Angie, whether your mother gained weight or not is not an issue that you should be discussing. Furthermore, she wants you to eat because she cares about you and wants you to stay healthy.”

“….and for the record, I have only gained five pounds over the four months,” Tina chimed in.

“That’s irrelevant. The bottom line is that it is Angie’s best interest which you have in mind, and it’s not appropriate to insinuate that you are attempting to sabotage her appearance because she feels that you aren’t happy with your own.” I looked from Tina to Angie. “I would like you to apologize to your mother.”

Angie appeared stunned, surprised that I would take such a direct approach with her. We rarely found ourselves in a place where we were at that very moment. For a brief second I felt like I was having a face off with my own daughter. I arched a brow and nodded my head in Tina’s direction, physically confirming what I expected.

“I’m sorry.” Angie’s eyes started to fill with tears “I just want to be treated like an adult. I have my own feelings. I know when I am hungry and when I’m not. I shouldn’t keep getting forced to do things that I don’t want to do.”

“What do you feel forced to do?” I asked.

“This! Eating for one thing.”

“Okay, let’s put that aside. What else?”

“I don’t feel like an adult when she keeps getting on my back because I am not getting my chores done fast enough for her.”

I felt Tina’s patience wearing as she shifted in her chair. “You know Angie, there is a simple solution to that one….just get it done when you are asked.” Tina was feeling angry and it showed in her icy expression.

“You’re just unreasonable sometimes,” Angie shot back. “It’s like no matter what I do Mom it’s not good enough.”

“Ange I have never said that to you.”

“You don’t have to come out and say it. It’s just the way you say other things to me, and how you make me feel sometimes.”

Tina’s icy expression melted into one of concern. “I have never intentionally set out to make you feel that way. I’ve always felt that I have supported you completely in nearly everything you have done.”

Angie remained quiet. 

“If I may cut in for a second here?” I took a moment to look at Tina and then Angie. “I think that it’s very important to talk to Mom Angie when you are feeling things like that, instead of keeping it inside and letting it fester. It only gets worse later on. Obviously mom didn’t realize you were feeling all these things until now.”

“That’s right, I didn’t.”

“Did you listen to me when I said I have to make the team?”

“Yes I did,” Tina answered. “I am concerned that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself about how you look. You have always been a great player.”

“I’ve never been on a team mom, how do you know?”

“Well I mean what I can see in terms of your free shots when you play in the driveway.”

“It’s different on the team. I have to be in perfect shape. I really want to join a gym and was hoping that you both would consider getting me a gym membership for Christmas.”

I looked at Tina, waiting for her to respond.

“Me and Momma B will talk about it.”

“Seriously?” Angie sat straight up in her chair, excited that the request wasn’t outright dismissed.

“I didn’t say yes. I said we would talk about it.”

Angie was happy to have found that her request would at least be considered by both her parents. “Thanks.”

#

Following dinner, Angie asked if she could hang out with Nicole and Tracy. Tracy had just obtained her driver’s license a few months earlier, which provided more opportunity for the girls to go somewhere on a whim.

As I cleaned the grill and Tina helped bring the leftovers into the house, Angie had decided to hang with me in the backyard as she waited for the girls to arrive.

“Momma B can I have ten bucks?”

“Ten dollars you mean?”

“Yeah, ten dollars.”

“What for?”

“Well…in case I see something at the mall that I want.”

I glanced at the kitchen window, where I was able to see part of Tina’s face as she rinsed the dishes for the dishwasher. “What did you do with your allowance?”

Angie hesitated. “I spent some of it on some hair products.”

“I’m sure Mom buys your shampoo and things you need.”

“She does, but she said the extra funky stuff I like would be up to me to buy.”

I didn’t want to just start handing Angie money, as I felt she would begin to look at Tina as the more difficult parent who made her work for her money, while I just handed it to her freely. “How about you earn the ten dollars?”

“How?”

“I was going to wash my car this weekend and vacuum the inside. If you do that, and put the recycles together for me, then I’ll give you ten dollars.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay…but I won’t have time to do it right now, they are coming anytime now.”

“That’s fine. I’ll spot you the ten dollars now, but I expect you to get those tasks done either later today or tomorrow.”

“Awesome! Thanks!”

“You’re welcome. Just go into the kitchen and bring me my purse.”

“Alright.”


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Tina wondered why Angie had come into the kitchen and left with Bette’s purse. She observed the pair from the kitchen window, and was surprised when she saw Bette open her wallet and hand Angie some money. She abruptly dropped the sponge into the sink and folded her arms in disbelief, wondering how Bette could hand money over like that after they had discussed the issues she was having with Angie in recent weeks.

Instead of marching out back and addressing it in front of their daughter, Tina would wait until the girls left for the mall, which would leave her alone with Bette to talk about the matter privately.

“Bye Mom!” Angie said as she passed by Tina. “I’ll be back later. Not sure if you will still be here.”

“I’m not sure Ange. If I’m not, I’ll see you tomorrow night when you come home.”

“Okay.”

“Tracy.”

“Yes Ms. Kennard?”

“Please drive safely.”

“I will.”

Tina wiped her hands on the dish towel before walking out to the back yard. As she progressed towards the patio, she grabbed the ends of her halter and pulled it off, revealing a new bikini top. “I saw that you gave Angie some money.”

When I turned from the grill towards Tina, I felt myself catch a breath as I observed the new and rather skimpy bikini top that she was wearing. “Um…yeah.” My eyes once again gravitated towards her chest. I quickly returned my focus to her eyes. 

“Bette…” Tina said in an exhausted manner. “I thought we –“

“I didn’t just give it to her Tina. She is going to wash my car, vacuum it, and also put the recycles together.”

Tina was both surprised as well as embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For assuming you just caved in and gave her money.”

How could I possibly be upset with this woman? I smiled as I fought the pull that she had over me. My eyes felt like they were battling an invisible force. Without even realizing it, she provided the needed distraction when her hands dropped to the button on her denim shorts. However, as successful as it was in my losing some attention in one area of her body, it didn’t do much to stop my eyes from watching her movements and my mind from fantasizing.

“You okay?” Tina asked as she lowered the zipper of her shorts.

“Sure. I’m going to go inside and put my bathing suit on.” Before I walked away, Tina had slipped her legs from her shorts and threw them on the lounger. The lower half of the bikini was skimpier than the top. A little less fabric and it could have passed as a thong. “You certainly can’t see where you gained any weight at all…you look…great.”

Tina arched her hips forward as she looked down to observe how the lower half of her bathing suit appeared. “I can tell it’s there.” She slid her hands down her abdomen, then to each thin string that stretched along her hips, bridging the front part of her suit to the back side. Though it appeared she was just adjusting the bottoms for perhaps a more comfortable fit, her slow and methodical action made it questionable if that was her only intention.

When Tina looked up from her bathing suit, I knew she had felt my eyes taking her body in, for the journey was a slow one as I took in each and every curve. Even if I tried hard, I don’t think I would have been capable of rushing this visual excursion …at least not this time around. Could she honestly have expected me to not look? I felt my center tighten, and the moment I moved my legs, I felt my concealed lips move just enough to recognize that I was already fairly wet.

“Why don’t you get your suit on,” Tina suggested before turning towards the pool.

I watched her walk away from me, my attention brought to her ass which was generously exposed. I knew this was going to be a difficult and sexually frustrating afternoon. I had actually considered providing myself with a release once I went upstairs to my bedroom to change. In order to do so, I had to pull myself from the patio area which was incredibly hard considering the image before me. I stared at Tina’s leg as she descended it onto the first step of the pool, breaking the still water. As she lowered each foot to the next step, the water slowly began concealing the intricacies of her legs until the only thing which remained detailed was from her belly button up. She turned to find me watching her.

“The water’s refreshing. Are you going to join me, or are you afraid of getting wet?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, because I was already quite wet. “Like hell Kennard. If you only knew.”

“If I only knew what?”

“Never mind. I’ll be back shortly.” I then turned towards the house, only to be stopped in my steps at the challenge which she had posed.

“If you had any guts you wouldn’t even bother with your suit.”

I turned around to find Tina reaching behind her back. “What?” I watched as she turned her back to me and untied the two knots that were securing the top to her upper body. She turned her head just enough to offer a seductive smile before throwing her top to the cement patio. She then dove under water towards the deep end of the pool.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

After changing into my own bikini, I looked out the bedroom window to find Tina laying on her stomach on top of one of the floats. In that moment I felt like I was drowning in a vat of emotions. I felt regret over the lost years between us, as well as immense desire to be with her in not only a sexual way, but in a more deeper and committed one. I allowed the sheer curtain to fall back over the window as I made my way towards the bedroom door. I stopped for a moment when I started passing the full length mirror. I turned from side to side, taking in as many views possible. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten what I did, as I had felt the guilt set in shortly after I placed the final piece of food into my mouth. If Tina weren’t here, I knew I would have eliminated it from my body much sooner. Her presence was just enough to keep my feelings and focus on her rather than myself. Once I was alone with myself, the self scrutiny began. I didn’t like what I saw. 

I sat on the bed closest to the pile of pillows, suddenly fearful to share this much exposure with Tina. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs as I felt myself body escalate towards a panic attack. “Breathe Porter…breathe.”

#

Tina looked towards the sliding doors, knowing it shouldn’t have taken this long for Bette to return to the back yard. She exited the pool and grabbed a towel from the back of the lounge chair. She patted her hair down first, wiped her face and then used the towel to dry the rest of her. 

She approached the sliding doors, slightly worried about what might have happened which delayed Bette from returning to the pool. As she entered the kitchen, she called Bette’s name, only to find the house uncomfortably quiet.

“Bette?” Tina called out as she started heading towards the stairs. She felt awkward going up the stairs to Bette’s room, but her concern outweighed her discomfort.

#

I found myself back on the bed after brushing my teeth and rinsing any remnants which might provide evidence of the self induced retribution I had just delivered. I remained quite uneasy with the level of vulnerability I found myself victim to. I just couldn’t return to the pool revealing an appearance that I wasn’t pleased with. 

The moment I heard her steps approach the doorway I grabbed at the cotton throw that lay across the foot of the bed. I covered a large portion of my body just before she appeared before my room.

“Bette? What’s going on?”

I felt immobilized by my discomfort. I said nothing.

Tina’s facial expression tightened as concern washed over her face. No doubt she could see by the strings of fabric which were tied around my neck, that I had changed into my swimsuit. “Bette…what’s wrong?” Tina walked cautiously towards the bed and sat down so she was facing me. “Please…please talk to me honey.” 

#

The moment Tina’s hand touched my face with her last spoken word, I felt myself draw away from the cocoon I had surrendered myself to. 

“What’s wrong Bette?” 

Tina’s eyes matched the dialogue of her verbal expression. Her eyes never lied. They always told a story. Back when we were together, the story of her eyes confirmed the story of her thoughts, her words, her heart. There were other times that it didn’t, and on those few occasions when it did not, I had always been able to determine that she was saying something different than what she was genuinely feeling. Those occurrences when her language and eyes were conflicted, it was usually to spare my feelings from some type of hurt.

I felt her hand brush my hair from my face. The chills quickly shot down my spine, settling in a more warmer place. “I’m sorry,” I said softly.

“About what?”

I hesitated a moment while she brought her body so she was now sitting beside me. “I just felt uncomfortable.”

“Why?”

Tina’s hand began rubbing my back. It was comforting and helped allow me to detour from the anxious path my body had begun traveling. “I’m just…I’m…disgusted with the way I look Tee.”

Tina dropped her head to the side as she felt the sting of such words. “Oh that’s not true Bette. That is so far from the truth. You are such a beautiful woman in so many ways besides just the physical.”

“I wish I could feel that. I just can’t seem to feel it anymore.” I felt the familiar water fill the brims of my lids. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to ruin our afternoon, as it had been so long since Tina and I had a chance to be alone and enjoy one another’s company.

“Oh baby…” Tina brought her hand to wipe the tears that had now streamed down my face. “I wish you could see what I see…feel what I feel.”

I felt Tina’s arm wrap around my back and pull me to her bosom, absent was any resistance on my part. Her other arm quickly surrounded me, and soon I felt the safest I had felt in a long time as I allowed myself to fall freely into her embrace. A small peaceful moan was expressed at the incredible relief that I had felt. “I’m sorry things…”

“Shhh...there is no room or need for apologies. Just lay here with me.” 

Tina’s embrace was firm and sincere. I can’t remember a time when Terry had allowed me to fall effortlessly into that place where I could allow myself to weaken. It always seemed that I had to be strong and disciplined, and though I liked that in certain areas of my life, I didn’t want that burden all of the time. 

I’m not sure how it happened. Surely I didn’t plan to tell her, but in the moment of being closer to her both physically and emotionally than I had been since we had split, I relaxed the walls I had up more than ever before. “I love you…” I whispered the words into the skin of her chest. There was no ability or desire to hide what I felt for her. I might find myself without reciprocation, but I had to stop hiding those feelings that never waned. 

“I know you love me Bette. Just because we aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean that the love stops. It can change a little, but it doesn’t –“

I raised my head from her chest. “No…it hasn’t…at least not for me it hasn’t.” Her eyes met mine, and once again I felt the honesty of them prepare to create a dialogue with my own. 

“It…hasn’t changed?” Tina’s tone articulated her confusion. 

“It never really left,” I admitted as I remained close to her, wrapped in the throw. “As the years passed us by, I had no choice but to accept that my life would have to be lived without you. I had reached a point where I had stopped trying to show you how much I wanted us to be together because I knew you weren’t feeling the same thing. I understand why you didn’t want to risk your heart being betrayed twice. I compromised the trust between us. As much as I wanted to keep trying for that second chance, I reached a point where I just couldn’t take the constant rejection.” It hurt to continue on, but I had started a conversation which had taken years to materialize. I had no choice but to continue communicating. “I wanted so much to hear you tell me you still loved me. The first year I tried moving on, but it was hard because I kept fantasizing that one day you would knock on my door and tell me you had changed your mind, that you wanted us to get back together. Finally…finally I just surrendered to the idea that it would never happen, but that didn’t mean that because I wasn’t aggressively pursuing you anymore that I had fallen out of love with you.” I felt Tina’s chest rise and fall the moment I stopped talking.

“I never knew. By the time I was willing to move past the indiscretion, two years had passed and you had been seeing Jodi.”

“It wasn’t anything serious with her. I think I found myself falling more for the idea of being in a committed relationship than anything else. We had only been involved with one another for about six months or so.”

“Yeah, but you have to understand how it looked from my position. There I was two years later, finally getting to a place where I could forgive you and then you are seeing someone…someone who on the surface seemed to be quite the fit for you.”

The truth was, Jodi wasn’t as much of a “fit” as it may have outwardly appeared to be. Had I known Tina had an interest in resuming a relationship with me, there was no doubt I would have found myself evaluating that relationship with Jodi a little more closer than I likely was at the time.

“I found the relationship to be comfortable. I hadn’t seen anyone the first year, hoping that we might have a chance again. By the second year, I dated enough hussies to know that I didn’t want to be part of that scene. Jodi came along and feelings formed…but they could never compare to what we had…never.”


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Tina felt difficulty swallowing. She never knew Bette held such strong feelings all these years later. She recognized the distinction within the relationship they shared, and also understood that she never acquired anything close to what they had. Surely she had dated and been involved with some people since Bette, and those relationships had qualities which were important enough to maintain a relationship. However, like Bette she felt she never found that depth with anyone else. She felt scared at the thought of resuming a relationship with Bette. She was well aware of how sensual and invigorating they were as a couple. The level of intensity that formed when they were together, abandoning everything but one another, was a powerful force. The idea of them possibly returning back to one another was both stimulating and frightening.

“Please say something.”

“I’m just a little surprised. I honestly didn’t know you still felt so much.” Tina knew she had to be careful. Bette was in an extremely vulnerable place in her life at the moment, and even the smallest bit of rejection could prove to be exceptionally damaging. She could feel Bette’s eyes upon her and brought her own to the deep brown ones that were staring at her. The hope in them couldn’t be denied. She was awaiting reciprocation of the words she had shared only moments earlier, that Tina had remained in love with her all these years later.

#

“These are the ones I use,” Nicole said as she handed a store brand box of laxatives to Angie.

Angie read the back of the box. “It says it’s dangerous to take more than directed.”

Nicole laughed. “It’s no big deal. I take them like they are candy and I’m still here.”

Tracy rolled her eyes. “I don’t think either of you need to be taking those stupid things.”

Tracy was naturally slim with little effort, a unique example of genetics working to ones advantage.

“Not all of us can look so thin,” Nicole shot back.

“I’m just saying Nic. I hate that you take those pills, and now Angie is going to start.”

Angie retrieved the money from her small purse and walked passed the girls to the counter to make her purchase.

“I didn’t tell her she had to take them,” Nicole stated. “Just try to chill out Trace, she is a little uptight as it is.”

“I just don’t get why you would even tell her about this stupid idea. I mean, it’s so unhealthy Nic. Now I have to worry about both of my friends.”

“You don’t have to worry about us. We will be fine.”

“I wish I could believe that.”

#

I waited for what felt like hours to hear Tina tell me she wanted more. I didn’t want her to feel pressured to provide a reactionary response. If she said something, I wanted it to be what she honestly was feeling and nothing more.

“It is a lot to take in,” Tina replied, moving to sit up against the pillows by the headboard. “I have kept some very deep feelings for you in my heart Bette. I suppose like you, there had come a point where I had a choice to make…keep that flame going or accept that we weren’t ever going to be together and put those feelings away.”

Again I found myself waiting and yearning to hear more. I needed more. I just spilled my heart out more than I ever would have had I given myself a few minutes to think it through. I needed to know she wanted something between us. I felt my heart starting to return back to the place it was many years earlier when I had to accept that Tina wasn’t going to let me back into her life. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said anything. It was a ridiculous thing to do.” Without thinking I dropped the security of the blanket that was wrapped around me as I slid off the bed.

#

“How long before they work?” Angie asked.

“Depends. Everyone is different and you can’t go by the box. I’m usually running for the bathroom within 5 hours or so.”

“Well at least I’ll be home then,” Angie reasoned.

“You guys are crazy,” Tracy stated. “Wouldn’t you rather save your money for something you can actually have fun with or use?”

Nicole emitted a sexy growl. “When I get the body I want I’ll be having a lot of fun. Hopefully Mike will take notice too.”

“Mike’s an idiot Nic. You deserve much better than him. He never stays with any of the girls he messes around with ya know.” Tracy wasn’t shy about sharing her feelings. “Why don’t you think about David? He’s been showing some interest your way lately.”

“He’s a nerd,” Nicole quickly replied. “I like Mike, and once I get thin enough I’ll have him eating out of my hand.”

Angie laughed, “That may not be the only place he might be dining.”

“PK you are gross!” Tracy chuckled. 

“Oh come on, don’t act so innocent Trace.”

“I didn’t say I was, but the thought of Nicole spreading her legs for him just makes me nauseous.”

“Well don’t think too hard,” Nicole shot back.

#

Tina’s willingness to pull Bette back towards the bed was interrupted by the shock at the sight of the brunette’s mocha colored body. With clothes on, Bette had apparently been quite successful masking the reality of the illness that was clearly uncontrolled at this time. “Bette…”

The blonde was rendered speechless. Outside of her ex-lovers name slipping from her lips, the only thing she felt she could do was stare in horror. When Bette turned to face her, it was then she was pulled from her own place she had drifted, to realize the throw was no longer providing the shield she had wanted.

“Please don’t look at me like that. I’m gross…I know I am…I…” Bette reached quickly for the blanket, which was met with resistance.

“No. I am not looking like this because you aren’t attractive. I’m…I’m stunned by the weight loss. When? Why? How did this get to this point?” Tina couldn’t refrain from expressing the pain it caused her to see Bette’s body so fragile looking. How she could ever consider herself needing to lose weight was unimaginable. The tears streamed down her face.

Bette stood by the bed motionless. She couldn’t seem to explain what she saw or why she saw herself different than everyone else did. She understood where the firm self judgment stemmed from…Melvin. However, as an adult and having been removed from Melvin’s pressure for the most part, she wasn’t able to understand how her view of herself differed greatly from what others were able to see. She sat back down on the bed, still wrapped tight in the throw.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Bette and Tina spent over an hour laying in bed talking about the illness and sharing their opinions surrounding Bette’s health, as well as Angie’s new obsession with her own appearance. It wasn’t until Tina had started to firmly push her fears about Angie with Bette, that Bette had started to consider looking a little closer at her own struggle and what she might do to seek additional help.

“I will go to therapy with you if you want,” Tina suggested.

“No, it’s okay. I can go. I’ll call on Monday and get back in on a regular basis.”

“I know this is hard for you.”

“I’ll work through it Tee. I know I can get it under control. I’ve done it before.”

“I know you have. I just want you to know that I’ll do anything I can to help…anything.”

Bette felt alone. No matter how much effort others might make, she knew that she was alone with this disease. She was aware that the smallest form of rejection while she was weak and fragile, was only going to push her further from recovery. Bette was a strong woman on most fronts, and was capable of taking on nearly anything and anyone that posed a challenge to her. Bulimia was a hard one to conquer. It had a name, but not much of an identity. The identity it took on came in multiple forms, depending on where she was in her life. A life long illness…that is what they told her it was, and that you could only hope to keep it in remission for as long as possible.

“Bette, I mean it. Anything,” Tina repeated while she brushed a stray hair from Bette’s face.

The truth was, what Bette needed Tina wasn’t offering and she wasn’t going to ask for it again. She put her heart out there and so far what she hoped would be returned hadn’t been. There wasn’t any doubt where her heart or feelings were, for they were expressed openly and in the rawest of forms. It was now up to Tina to decide what she wanted, but the hesitation that had already occurred since she opened her heart, already started to sting. She did her best to hide it and make pretend that it wasn’t bothering her. Oh…but it was.

#

“Thanks for picking me up Trace.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll probably be online later if you’re around.”

“Yeah, I’ll be on later. Bye Nic.”

“Bye Ange.”

Angie closed the car door and proceeded up the driveway. She was surprised to find Tina’s car still there. Upon entering the house, she heard the television coming from the living room. “Hey, I’m back.”

Tina placed her index finger to her nose and puckered her lips, indicating to keep her voice down. When Angie came around the sofa, she saw Bette sleeping.

“Sorry,” she said softly.

“Did you have a good time?” Tina whispered.

“Yeah. We just walked around for a while.”

“Good. Did you girls grab anything to eat for dinner?”

“No. I’m not real hungry yet.” Angie sat on the edge of the overstuffed chair that Tina was sitting in. She glanced over at Bette. “Why is she sleeping?”

“She’s tired. I don’t think she sleeps too well at night.”

“Yeah, not to mention she needs to eat better…and keep it down.”

Tina was bewildered by the statement. Bette’s purging was never a topic which they discussed in front of their daughter. In fact, it was kept pretty close with only a few people knowing about it at all. Tina rose from the chair. “Come with me,” she said quietly.

Angie followed her mother outside onto the deck. Tina closed the sliding door before continuing their conversation. “What did you mean by that?”

“By what?”

“You said that she needs to eat better and keep it down.”

Angie walked to the steps of the deck and took a seat on the second one down. Tina followed, making herself comfortable on the top step. “I know that she has puked after she has eaten.”

Tina wasn’t prepared to talk about Bette’s eating disorder with their daughter. It was something so private to Bette, and something she felt severely embarrassed by. If she had any idea that Angie knew what she was doing, she would be mortified. At the same time, honesty between them was something they valued and encouraged. 

“Mom…I know she does. I heard her…a couple of times.”

“Your mother has worked really hard to lose weight the right way. I don’t want you thinking that it’s an acceptable behavior.” The last thing Tina wanted was for Angie to adopt the same methods as Bette had. She knew her daughter was quite fond of the shape that Bette was in, and therefore might be easily influenced to try the same things where the results seemed positive on the outside. 

“I didn’t say that she hasn’t lost weight the right way. I know she runs a lot and works out hard. I hate puking, so I can’t imagine she enjoys it very much.”

Tina didn’t want to offer too much information, so she instead decided to ask a few more questions. “Have you noticed how often she’s thrown up after meals?”

“A few…I don’t know, maybe like once or twice on a weekend that I’m with her.”

The revelation wasn’t one that Tina was pleased with. Not only was she unhappy with the damage Bette was doing to her body, but even more upset to know that Angie had known about it. “How long have you known?”

“Maybe six months or so.”

Tina placed her forehead in the palm of her hand. “I don’t want you doing anything like that. It’s the unhealthiest thing you could ever do Angelica. It can deprive you of the necessary nutrition your body needs to survive. You know how much you love your teeth? Well if you decide to pick up the same bad habit, you best say goodbye to them now. Just because Momma B is doing something, doesn’t make it right. Do you hear me?” Tina felt herself losing it. 

“Mom, I’m not going to…chill out.”

Tina took a deep breath in. “Promise me you aren’t going to be puking up your meals.”

“I promise.”

Tina felt a mild sense of relief. “Thank you. What momma B has is called bulimia. If you want to know anything about it, I have a few things at the house the doctor had given us when she was diagnosed with it. If you have any questions, I don’t want you to hesitate to talk to me about it. I’d like to talk to her before you do though, as I’m sure it will come as much of a shock to her as it did me that you knew about it.”

“I’m sorry…maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, no it’s okay. I just wish you said something to me 6 months ago. I just found out that she had been in a bad place with it again. I was pretty surprised.”

Angie remained quiet.

“She is going to be getting some help for it though. She’ll need our support Ange.”

“I know mom. I’ll do whatever I can.”

Tina smiled. “Thank you sweetie. Can you see why we were both extra concerned about your being so critical about your own appearance? We know how a low self esteem matched with an obsessive view of one’s appearance can be dangerous. Neither of us wants to see you walking down a similar path.”

Angie felt her stomach begin to rumble. “I know…I gotta go to the bathroom. I’ll be back down in a bit.”

“Okay.”

Angie quickly made her way through the sliding door and up to her the bathroom off of her room.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

I opened one eye and looked at the television as my head remained on the sofa pillow. I wasn’t sure how long I had been sleeping, but I felt I could have remained in a slumber for hours. As I started to turn over onto my back, it was then I realized that Tina was sitting in the chair next to the sofa. 

“Hey sleepy head.”

I smiled at the sight of my old college shirt which she was wearing. “How did you get a hold of that?”

Tina looked down “Oh this old thing?”

I laughed. “Uh huh.”

“I hope you don’t mind that I’m borrowing it.”

“No, not at all.”

“I took a shower while you were sleeping. I wanted to get the chlorine out of my hair.”

“Okay.”

“I had forgotten to pack some clothes to put on afterwards, so Angie had retrieved this from one of your drawers.”

“That’s perfectly fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah…it looks nice on you.” I couldn’t help but think of the old days, when Tina would wear nothing else but an old t-shirt of mine to bed. I looked away for a moment, relishing in the memories.

“I’m waiting for your next question.”

“Yeah, and what would that be?” I asked, confused as to where she was taking this.

“If I borrowed your panties too,” Tina said with a chuckle, unable to keep a straight face.

I couldn’t help but bust out in laughter myself. “God, you are so forward sometimes.”

“I know…and I know you love it.”

I smiled at her response. She was right, I did love it. I loved when she was forward. I loved when she was at ease and able to say anything that came to mind. It had been quite some time since I had seen this side of her that could be flirtatious and willing. The years that bridged our lives from the time we broke up until today, were years which this was absent from. Though she hadn’t told me she wanted us to get back together, it was still something that I enjoyed having between us.

“You do love it don’t you?”

I had gotten so lost in my thoughts, that I hadn’t realized I failed to respond. “Do you honestly have to question it?”

“No, but it’s nice to hear the confirmation.”

“Yes…I love it.”

While my senses began catching up with this wakened state, Tina rose from the chair and went to the kitchen where she retrieved the leftover salad from the fridge. “I had ran up to the market while you were sleeping and got a package of boneless chicken breasts. I was going to put them on the grill outside, but where you had already cleaned it I didn’t want to get it messy. Instead I just cooked them on the stove top.”

“I thought I smelled something when I first woke up.”

Tina brought the bowl of salad to the kitchen table, followed by some salad dressing and a few plates.

“Is Angie still at the mall?”

“No, she’s upstairs in her room. She wasn’t feeling so well when she came home.”

I spoke through a yawn as I started walking to the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”

“Stomach bug I think. Although she said something about your cooking,” Tina offered with a laugh. “I’m sure it wasn’t anything to do with that. You and I have been fine, so it’s our daughter’s wild imagination that it had something to do with your fine cooking.”

I wasn’t sure whether to roll my eyes or laugh, so I just settled on shaking my head. “She seemed okay when she left. Maybe she ate some junk at the mall.”

“Maybe.”

It was a nice feeling taking a seat at the kitchen table which Tina had just prepared for the two of us. It felt like old times…it felt like going home again.

#

APK16: I hate this

ThinIsIn: It will pass

APK16: I hate diarrhea

ThinIsIn: It’s worth it in the end

APK16: I hope so

ThinIsIn: U will get used 2 it. I promise

APK16: Momma T asked what was wrong

ThinIsIn: What did u tell her?

APK16: Told her momma B’s cooking almost killed me

ThinIsIn: LOL

APK16: : - )

#

Following dinner, we both checked on Angie who was engrossed with her friends online, then returned back to the living room where we settled down with a bottle of wine. Tina made herself comfortable on the floor, sitting close to the coffee table while I found a soft spot on the sofa. I grabbed the remote for the surround sound system and pushed the play button, which prompted the start of a Barbara Streisand CD I had kept inside.

As the afternoon turned into evening, we both found ourselves engaged in discussion which ranged from Angelica’s test for her driving permit, to her responsibilities at home, and back to my own health. When we reached the latter part, it was then that Tina rose from the floor and sat next to me. With one leg folded under her she leaned so her side was pressed against the back of the sofa and she was facing me.

“I need to share a serious conversation that Angie and I had when she came home this afternoon.”

I felt an immediate spike of adrenalin surge through my body. “Please don’t tell me that she’s been involved with a boy or something.”

“No…it’s no that.” Tina knew that would be a whole other obstacle to overcome one day soon. “When she came home this afternoon you were sleeping.”

“Yeah…and?”

“During a brief discussion about you being tired, she mentioned that it might be because you purge your food.”


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

To say I was stunned by the disclosure was an understatement. I had felt I was extremely careful when it came to hiding the unpleasant things I had been doing, and if there was anyone in my inner circle who didn’t know, it was my daughter. 

I ran my hands through my hair as I felt Tina begin rubbing my back. “Fuck.”

“Hun it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.”

I felt discomfited and shamed. I didn’t want Angie knowing a thing about this, and especially not now when she was beginning her own rant about weight loss and wanting to look better. “It is bad Tee. I don’t want her doing anything like this.”

“Just because she knows doesn’t mean she will do it. Trust me, I know where you are coming from Bette as that was my initial concern too. However, the more we talked about it today, the more she emphasized that she couldn’t stand puking even when she was sick. I honestly don’t think this will prompt her to do anything even remotely close.”

“I sure hope you’re right.”

Tina placed her hand on my knee. “I made her promise she would never resort to purging. I’m pretty comfortable with her reassurance that she would not.”

I took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled it while I leaned back against Tina. I felt so safe in her embrace, protected from everything and anything. Today she was more confident and secure than the woman she was before. If anything positive came from the affair and our break up, it was her ability to recognize the strength within herself.

“If you’re comfortable she wouldn’t do something similar then I suppose I am as well.”

“I am hun.”

I felt the tears begin to stream down my face as I started to think of how weak I must now look to my daughter. I had always tried to be type of mother she could look up to…admire…respect. I strived to show her how important it was to be strong, willful, and passionate. I couldn’t help but feel that I had failed as a parent.

I wiped one cheek of my face just before Tina took the liberty to wipe the other. 

“Baby, this will pass. She isn’t ashamed of you. She loves you so much, and would do anything to help you.”

“That’s not the way it works Tee. We are her parents. We are suppose to be an example to her.”

“Okay, but you know Bette there isn’t a rule that says parents must be just a positive example of how to live.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, isn’t it through some of your own parent’s mistakes that you learned from their example anyway? Children do not just learn the “right” things, but also learn from the “wrong” ones as well.”

Tina was right, but I wasn’t sure I felt comfortable with my daughter learning from the terrible mistakes that I made in my life. “I still would like to be a positive example to her.”

“I know, but sometimes always being the type of person who sets the perfect example can be…just too perfect. I mean, do you want your daughter to only have a pristine view of you? Wouldn’t it be too polished and in some ways fake?”

Tina had an incredible ability to reason with me enough to make me look at things from a different perspective. What had started out as a revelation which had me feeling mortified and a failure, actually began changing in the moment itself.

“I never really considered looking at it that way.”

“It’s okay to be human. It’s okay to be fragile sometimes Bette. It’s even more okay to lean on others when you can’t handle it all yourself.”

It was only the slightest bit of intimacy which we were sharing, both earlier and at that very moment, but it meant the world to me. At the same time that I found myself basking in the beauty of such gentle touches, I wanted more. I wanted this to be something I found each and every day of my life. I wanted to be able to surrender myself to the arms of this woman on a nightly basis. I wanted….so much more.

#

APK16: brb

ThinIsIn: k

Angie didn’t like what the laxatives were doing to her. She hated having the diarrhea almost as much as puking, but also didn’t feel that anything she did was taking the weight off. This was the only way that she knew would provide her with results, as it had done such a great job with Nicole.

APK16: back

ThinIsIn: wb

APK16: tx I hate the cramps

ThinIsIn: I know, no fun

APK16: I have 2 figure how I’m going 2 get the money next weekend for another box. I figure I’ll b out of this one by then

ThinIsIn: can u keep a secret?

APK16: sure

ThinIsIn: I just steal them

APK16: WHAT?

ThinIsIn: I don’t do it all the time. Just when I don’t have the money

APK16: I don’t know Nic

ThinIsIn: Hey I buy it when I have the money. It’s only when I’m short on cash

APK16: aren’t u afraid of getting caught?

ThinIsIn: haven’t yet

APK16: my luck I would get bagged

ThinIsIn: another thing I’ve done is just take some from another box and shove it in the one your gonna buy. You end up with almost double the amount of pills.

APK16: hmm…don’t know…maybe

#

I leaned forward and poured another glass of wine for myself, then started to bring the bottle towards Tina’s glass when she stopped me.

“Oh no more for me.”

“You sure?”

“Unfortunately yes. This has been really nice…relaxing, talking, and the music.”

“And the company?”

Tina laughed. “The company has been the best part of all.”

“You only had a couple of glasses…you sure you wouldn’t like one more?”

Tina was sure she would love one more, but knew she had to be leaving soon and didn’t want to get behind the wheel with another drink in her. “If I didn’t have to drive I would welcome another one, but –“

“Why don’t you stay?” Before I even considered how the offer might be received I blurted it out. 

Tina swept her hand across her forehead, moving a few stray hairs from her face. “Ha,” she said quietly. “If I were working on glass number four, I might have taken you up on that.”

Both her body language and tone was laced with seduction. It was hard for me not to encourage her towards that fourth glass, and I wasn’t completely sure it wasn’t what she wanted. “Well…in order to get to glass number four, one would need to consider the third glass being offered up.”

A naughty smile broke from the corner of her mouth. It was joined by an arch of her brow in my direction as she traced the rim of her glass with her index finger. No words were spoken until she reached for the bottle of wine. 

“I suppose you’re right. We won’t know for sure what the fourth one will bring without the third.” Tina finished pouring herself a third glass of wine, then placed the bottle back down on the coffee table. 

As she raised the glass to her mouth, her eyes locked with mine. I felt my mouth drop slightly the moment she opened her own to accept the mild flavor. When she brought the glass from her mouth, she licked a small amount of residue from her top lip. In the absence of the words I had hoped to hear from her earlier in the day, her actions seemed to be speaking to me. I leaned forward from my seat on the sofa and touched the top of her hand. “Tee, I want you to know that I don’t expect anything. I just laundered the sheets in the spare room only last week, so if you would rather–“

“Bette…”

“Yes?”

“Shut up and kiss me…”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is continuing to enjoy the story! Drop me a comment and let me know what you think about the storyline.

CHAPTER 19

Was it possible? Did she honestly say what I thought she said? For a moment I weighed the thought of actually pinching myself to be sure it was real. Real or not, there was one thing which wasn’t questionable and that was the demand in it. When she repeated the request, it was filled with even more life and desire.

She lifted her ass from the floor and kneeled between my legs while I remained on the sofa. Her hands drifted up and down the top of my thighs, in the same manner which they had done so many years ago, that slow and methodic rhythm. The touch of her fingernails grazing my skin sent a sensory overload throughout my body. My heart rate increased, my body temperature spiked, and the familiar goose bumps formed upon my skin. I could only imagine how wet I was to the touch, for every other bodily reaction had made itself known instantly.

Tina slid one hand behind my neck, allowing her nails to lightly caress the nape. God how I wanted this and so much more, but I was scared. I was scared that this was more impulsive on her part, than something which she had given a lot of thought to. Let’s face it, I had only revealed a portion of my feelings to her this afternoon, and when I did it wasn’t met with the response I had hoped for. She didn’t admit to still being in love with me. How then could this be anything more than an impulsive moment where need took over logic?

“Tee…I…I can’t let you break my heart.” I wanted to kick myself in the ass as soon as I said it, but I knew that it was best to be disappointed now than devastated later. I couldn’t handle being intimate with Tina and have her pull back afterward. It was so important to me that she be sure this was what she wanted, and that it was the beginning of us trying once more. “….this…what’s happening right now means something to me.”

Before I was able to pull away, she had brought her lips in towards mine while she continued encouraging me towards her. When I felt her breath upon my lips, I knew she was close…surpassing the place where I could have retracted. I couldn’t do it now. I couldn’t possibly ignore everything that had started between us. It was like lighting a match at the end of a stick of dynamite. How could you stop it after it was lit? Nearly impossible, and that was what I was feeling at this moment.

I’m not sure what came first, the touch of her lips on mine or the groan that came from deep within her. Perhaps it was synchronized in a way which wasn’t distinctive enough to separate. What was easily identifiable was the force that ripped through my body at the moment I felt the tip of her tongue slide between my lips. 

“Mmmm,” I moaned into her mouth as our tongues reacquainted themselves following years of severance. My hands slid along both sides of her face as I deepened the kiss, both of us French kissing with the utmost intensity. I dragged my tongue along the roof of her mouth as I drew back and stared into her eyes, eyes which were filled with will and want. “Tee….”

“Shhh,” Tina admonished quietly, coming in for another kiss which I pulled back from.

“I have to know…”

“Can’t we just have this moment?” Tina inquired as she slid her hand along the side of my face. “Do we have to figure it all out right now?”

It wasn’t that we had to figure everything out in this moment, but I just needed to know that this wasn’t going to be a meaningless or one time hook up. “I can’t do this without knowing you will still be here in the morning.”

Tina closed the lids of her eyes, briefly disconnecting the hold that had already set in between them and my own. She dropped her head slightly. “Bette…I…I just can’t guarantee you anything. I don’t know how much I can give you. As much as I care so much for you and have missed being with you, I worry that I too will be hurt. We are both scared of putting our hearts out there because we are afraid of getting them broken again.”

“Exactly,” I offered in agreement.

“So…why can’t we just…just not commit to anything right now and just be in the moment with one another?”

Didn’t she see how much something intimate meant to me? This wasn’t just any woman I picked up for a sexual tussle that would be insignificant the next morning. If Tina and I slept together, I wanted it to mean something cavernous to us both.

“I feel more than just being in the moment Tee.”

“There isn’t a doubt that we love one another Bette. Hell it’s apparent that has never changed—”

“Then what’s the problem Tee?” I interrupted.

“The problem is that our issues were never about how much love was between us. It’s been more about the ability to coexist sometimes. I haven’t said that I am completely closed to the idea of us possibly trying again…but I’m also not ready to be here today and tell you that I am 100 percent sure I want to revisit that place.”

The fatal blow was firm and swift. I respected this woman immensely, as her honesty was something that many women would have intentionally avoided. However, with honesty came a pain that was unimaginable. We had only been together for about ten hours, but it wasn’t the amount of time which made things complex, it was the quality of time which we shared on this day. I opened a part of myself that I kept closed for years. I didn’t expect anything in return, at least I didn’t think so. The question was did I? Why would I be feeling this much disappointment, hurt, rejection if I didn’t? Only seconds ago I was admitting to myself that things might be moving too fast…that we had only been revisiting this comfortable place by a measurement of hours. Yet…once again I hadn’t heard what I was hoping to and that was all I seemed to focus on.

“Bette…talk to me,” Tine encouraged.

I rose from the sofa and stepped towards the large bay window that overlooked the back yard. I remained speechless, unable to put together a string of words. I immediately started internalizing her words. If I was better looking….It was that destructive self talk that started immediately. Hell it wasn’t if I had more money, for I had found myself in a good place financially at this time in my life. It had nothing to do with parenting, for Tina and I had always done a fairly good job sharing parental responsibilities. Other than my appearance, what else could it possibly have been which prevented her from falling back in love with me?

I dropped my head as I spoke. “I wouldn’t be okay with taking you to bed…making love to you…and then watch as you left my bed in the morning leaving me with a handful of unknowns.”

In the strangest of ways, both Bette and Tina’s feelings matched. They were both scared. They were able to brush the surface of those fears and share the residue of them, but they weren’t able to delve too deep. They both felt the insecurities, uncertainties, and to some degree hesitation. Bette wanted to move faster to gain the certainty. Tina wanted a slower pace to nurture them towards the same thing. They both approached things differently, years ago when they were together and in the present.

“Bette,” Tina said as she walked towards the window. “This today….it was completely unexpected. I had no idea that we would have had anywhere near the level of conversation we had, not to mention all that you have opened up to me about in terms of your feelings. It meant a lot to me Bette…but…it’s also a lot to digest. We are both adult women who recognize that there are feelings between us. For many reasons I felt a pretty significant connection with you today.” Tina hesitated to make the admission, but did anyway. “…in ways which have resulted in my wanting to be with you in an even deeper way.”

I didn’t turn around. Instead, I continued looking out at the palette of colors which adorned the flower gardens that bordered the property. “You mean too much to me, than for me to take such a big gamble with the intimacy Tina.”

I felt both her hands touch my arms as she brought her mouth next to my ear. “I would never want you to do anything you weren’t completely comfortable with. Maybe we should both take today and appreciate all that has happened between us, and not make any major decisions right now.”

I felt her hands encourage me to turn to face her, which I conceded to. Here eyes once again managed to lock with my own. “Bette…I do love you. I don’t want you to ever question that. I just need some time…that’s all.”

Deep in the confines of my tender heart I recognized both the accuracy and value of her words. I was aware that the day was filled with quite a few surprises neither of us anticipated. While I could easily see where Tina stood, I didn’t agree that time was going to do anything to change things…at least not on my part. 

Uncertainties…unknowns…it was a very hard path to be walking. I was at the age where I felt I lived through the bulk of those years which threw those uncertainties at you left and right. I was at a place where I was looking more for the solid, the certain, the guarantees. Unforeseen events would reveal themselves in plenty of ways, but where possible I wanted to build more “certainties” and reduce the number of “unknowns.” 

Shades of gray…that blended color. In life, shades of gray came easy. In love…well that was a whole other thing. Over the years I struggled to pull in more shades, but never managed to do so…at least not with any real impact. I viewed love in solids…always have. It was black or it was white, and as each year of life passed I found myself steadily losing patience with the “shady” women; the ones who couldn’t make up their minds as to what they wanted so they remained in a blended state of idleness as they pull you into their indecisive space. In those places, life didn’t move in any direction for either person. 

Tina’s indecisiveness was a shade of gray that not only was I uncomfortable with, but went against my adopted palette of love. However, the beauty of wisdom afforded me the ability to see that a sliver of blended color was worth far more than any solid color could have ever delivered. I was willing to forego the solid colors and see just where that gray might take me.


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

“Do you understand?”

Tina’s question brought me back to the moment as she continued searching my eyes. “I can understand the feeling that things are happening a little faster than what might feel comfortable for you, but…” I stopped. I couldn’t let my low self worth or views take precedence.

“Go ahead,” Tina gently urged.

“But it’s hard not to take it personal.”

“I know, and I don’t want that Bette. I don’t want you to make this about anything more than what it is. I’ve been as honest as I am able to be right now about what I am willing to share in terms of my feelings. I hope you can trust in that.”

I nodded in agreement. I did trust Tina. Funny thing was, there wasn’t a time in my life that I didn’t. “Tee…I do trust your words. You have never given me a reason not to.”

“Thank you, that means a lot to me.”

“There isn’t anything more that I would love to do than make love to you, but I think it’s best if we wait until it feels right for both of us. Believe me when I say that it isn’t easy saying that to you.”

“I know. I know it isn’t.” Tina lifted my arm and placed her head against my chest. “Is this okay?”

I loved the feeling of my arm surrounding her. After so many years I missed that ability to have this woman surrender herself to the security of my arms, and if it felt anything like how I felt in her arms earlier in the day, I was sure she was feeling content where she was.

#

Tina would find her feelings grow deeper when she finally retreated to the spare bedroom at the end of the evening. The events of the day played over in her mind like a film highlighting specific moments which stood out the most. The ones that surfaced ended up being ones where she and Bette had begun lowering the walls they each had up and started sharing themselves again. She appreciated Bette’s stance, as it showed how real and profound her feelings were. There was no doubt where Bette stood, for she had made it very clear that should they be intimate, it would come following a mutual agreement that they were going to try again. In a strange way, the old fashioned route which Bette was taking was both endearing and stimulating at the same time. It was something which tended to be absent from so many relationships, and it was something which prompted Tina to return her thoughts back to those foundational things which were the most important when embarking on a relationship with someone.

#

As the trees and moon created unrecognizable shapes on the ceiling of my room, I couldn’t help but think of the woman in the room opposite my own. With only a wall separating our headboards, I wondered if she were already asleep or if she were awake and lost in thought.

I opened the drawer on the nightstand and retrieved my journal. I was surprised to find it had been nearly two weeks since my last entry. As I began writing down a few thoughts, I felt myself slowly releasing and letting go. The words flowed easily upon the ivory colored paper, something which didn’t happen all the time.

Often times I find more difficulty in what “isn’t’” said, more than what “is.” So, instead of writing about my disappointment for that which wasn’t, I will look at some of the things that in fact were. In short, though it had some difficult moments, today was a beautiful day. I learned that the woman who I have loved more than anyone that came before or after her, kept feelings for me. That was big. Hell that was huge. The aftermath of the affair had brought some extremely difficult, harsh, and hurtful disagreements between us soon after it had been exposed. I suppose I assumed any feelings she could have had in those months that followed, had faded quickly and the transition of months into years had wiped them out completely. Today I was proved wrong. Being wrong was something I typically avoided as much as possible, but on this day I could honestly say I was thrilled to find myself in error. I know that I have to get healthy again. I know that I need to get back to therapy and be the woman that I know I am capable of being. How is it that I can be so damn strong in so many other areas of my life, but when it comes to my self image I am weak and fragile? I know I must be careful not to put pressure on Tina, for it is my illness…not hers. In the safety of these pages I can admit that she is a trigger, and that is a hard thing to admit to. I don’t want her to ever know that, for it results in an accountability that is misplaced and in many ways inappropriate. She did not maker herself a trigger, I did that. Over the years I had placed my entire self worth on the success, or I should say the failure of our relationship. If I had only done this better…that more…felt better about myself so I didn’t fall into the affectionate arms of someone outside of my relationship that gave me attention. It wasn’t Tina…it was me. I couldn’t let my self worth dictate my life or her life anymore. I had been fortunate to have a woman in my lifetime who had never compared me to someone else, never sought affection outside of our relationship, and never caused me to worry that she could have wandering eyes. With Tina there was a peace…a peace to never have to compete with anything or anyone. She brought an element of security and safety to my life that I hadn’t known ever again. Sometimes the absence of a loved one prompts you to understand that which you couldn’t see when they walked with you. I see it…I see it so much more clearly now. I just hope I have the strength to make the changes I need to in order to get a healthy life once again. I have a far more important reason to do it now. They often say that when you want to change, that you have to do it for yourself. As much as I believe that to be true, I understand all too well that I will be far more successful because of the help of an external influence which will feed the vision, motivation and courage I will need. I want my family back…more than anything else in my life…

#

It was 1:15 in the morning, and the toilet flushing for the third time within the last half hour prompted Tina to leave the comfort of the bed and seek an explanation.

As she stepped outside the bedroom, she placed the light on in the hall just in time to see Angelica coming out of the bathroom. “Honey…are you okay?”

Angie was holding her stomach as she turned a surprise face towards her mother. “What are you doing here?” 

Certainly a valid question which Tina hadn’t given much thought to. “We had a few glasses of wine tonight, and I didn’t want to get behind the wheel.”

“Oh. Responsible,” Angie said quietly as she turned towards her bedroom. “Are you both getting back together or something?” Angie asked in a matter of fact tone as she kept walking down the hall.

Yet another question which Tina wasn’t prepared to address. “I’m just sleeping over…in the spare room.”

When Angie reached her room, she turned back towards Tina. “It wouldn’t be such a bad thing you know…being a real family for once.”

As Angie disappeared into her room, Tina remained standing in one place as she absorbed the weight of her daughter’s words. Her attention turned towards the master bedroom and the mocha skinned woman that appeared in the doorway.

“Tee? What are you doing up?”

“I came out here to check on Angie.”

“Is she still not feeling well?” I was feeling concerned as Angie didn’t easily suffer from stomach issues.

Tina nodded. “She went to the bathroom three times in the last half hour. I heard the toilet flush.”

“Three times…are you sure?”

“Yes.”

I looked towards her bedroom door. “The poor thing. I wish I knew what she ate that made her feel so horrible.”

“Well, from what I could see today she hardly ate a thing. What she did eat, both you and I also had and we aren’t sick.”

“True. Is she just vomiting or does she have diarrhea too?”

“Hell if I know. I was going to ask her but she started asking questions about why I was staying over and if it meant we were getting back together.”

I was surprised at Angie’s assessment. “Really? You staying over in the spare bedroom hardly constitute us getting back together.”

Tina looked at the tired face before her. “Did you sleep at all?”

“The last time I looked at the clock it was 12:40 a.m.”

“Not a hell of a lot,” Tina said softly.

“No...but it’s okay, tomorrow is Sunday and I can sleep in a little.” I wondered if Tina would still be here in the morning. “Do you think you might be here when I wake?”

Tina smiled. “Do you want me to wait for you to wake up in the morning before I leave?”

“I would like that. If you don’t have any plans or anything.”

“On a Sunday morning? No…no plans.”

“Good. Maybe we could do breakfast…all three of us.”

“That’s a sure way of determining how sick or well Angie is by then.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, there isn’t anything I know that can stop her from feasting on your famous chocolate chip pancakes.”

I chuckled at the honesty. “You’re right. It’s the one thing that hasn’t changed from toddler to teen.”

Bette and Tina shared a few more smiles and laughs as they reminisced about the young girl who had fortunately bridged their lives over the last 16 years. Once the audible reverberation came from the grandfather clock indicating it was 2am, both women retreated back to their respective rooms hoping to acquire some much needed rest.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

Tina sat at the kitchen island, having already been told that she wasn’t allowed to lift a finger. She sipped the hot cup of coffee that Bette had poured only moments ago, and waited for her to join her. “You know, your coffee is going to get cold,” she warned.

I walked over to the island and lifted my coffee cup from the counter top. “I don’t mind ice coffee,” I joked. Tina was looking pretty fine in yet another old t-shirt of mine, matched with a pair of shorts that she obviously retrieved from a storage bin in my closet.

“Are you sure I can’t help with something?”

“I’ve got it, honestly.” I looked towards the ceiling. “If she isn’t awake in a few more minutes, we probably should think about waking her ourselves.”

“I don’t think she slept very well last night.”

I sipped my coffee, then placed it on the counter. “Did you?”

“Somewhat.”

“Were you not comfortable?”

Tina moved slightly. “It was just…strange I suppose. It was odd being in your home for the first time overnight.”

I raised both brows and nodded in agreement. “You’re right. I hadn’t realized you never slept here before.”

“Nope. Weird isn’t it? I mean you bought this house when Angie was about…”

“Six.”

“Yeah, six. A whole decade has passed and suddenly I am here.”

I leaned against the island. “It does seem pretty outrageous when you think of it in terms of being a decade. It isn’t like you haven’t been here at all. We’ve had a few of Angie’s parties here, some cookouts, and other things.”

“True.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t sleep so well.” 

The sincerity in both Bette’s tone and body language stirred Tina. “It isn’t your fault. You have made sure that I’ve been quite comfortable here.”

“MOM!” came the scream from upstairs. “I NEED SOME TOILET PAPER!”

I looked at Tina. “I’ll get it. I probably should have kept an extra spare under the sink. I have a tendency of forgetting to keep that stocked because only company usually uses that one.”

“I can’t believe she is still going to the bathroom!” Tina exclaimed, taken back by her daughter’s ailing stomach. “I wonder if she is still sick?”

“Only one way to find out,” I replied as I made my way up the stairs.

#

After I retrieved a roll of toilet paper from the hall closet, I knocked on the bathroom door. “I have it here, is the door unlocked?”

“No. Just leave it on the floor outside. I’ll get it.”

“I might have a key to the door—“

“Momma B, I can get it myself.”

“Okay.”

Tina had a look of concern. “Angie, do you still have the diarrhea?”

“My stomach is still bothering me a little.”

“Still?”

“Yeah. It will be okay…it’s just food poisoning.”

My eyes widened at the potential jab concerning my cooking the previous day.

Tina rested a hand on Bette’s shoulder, indicating not to give that statement any attention. “Are you vomiting?”

“No.”

Tina was perplexed. Most incidents of food poisoning included vomiting. “I’m not certain it’s food poison,” she said quietly to Bette.

“What could it be then?”

“I don’t know, I mean it is definitely possible it still could be food poisoning. However, anytime I have had it, is has been coming from both ends.”

“Yeah…me too.” I looked back towards the bathroom, even more concerned. “Maybe we should take her to the hospital. She might end up getting dehydrated.”

Tina looked from Bette back towards the bathroom door, which had just started to open. 

“What are you both doing!?” Angie exclaimed, mortified her parents were still standing by the door when she retrieved the bathroom tissue. “Don’t look!”

Before either one could respond, the bathroom door was quickly closed in their face. 

“Don’t look?” I asked aloud. “Look at what?”

“She probably had her pants down when she opened the door.”

“Christ, I used to change her diapers! Does she forget that?”

Tina couldn’t help by laugh. “I don’t think it’s so much that, as the fact that she is a young woman now and would like to have a little more privacy.”

Bette shook her head. “What do you think? Should we take her?”

“Why don’t we wait for her to come downstairs. She can lay on the sofa and we can make sure she gets some beverages in her to hydrate herself. If she isn’t any better by lunch, we can bring her in.”

I looked from Tina towards the bathroom door. “Momma B is making your favorite.” When no response came, I continued. “Chocolate Chip Pancakes. How about that?”

“I don’t want any,” Angie replied just before flushing the toilet. She washed and dried her hands, then opened the door to find Bette and Tina still standing on the other side. “What?”

“You still don’t feel well?” Tina asked.

“I’ll be okay mom. I just have the diarrhea.”

“Have you been vomiting?”

“No, I haven’t felt nauseous.”

Tina looked back towards Bette before returning her eyes back to Angelica. “I don’t think it’s food poisoning.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.” Angie wanted to avoid any further conversation about her bathroom habits over the last 14 hours, and anything else associated with food. “I’m just going to hang in my room today if that’s okay.”

“But you need to eat something,” I piped in.

“I’m not hungry. Besides, I’m not eating food that will make me fat. I told you that before. I’m gonna get on that team no matter what.” Angie turned towards her bedroom. “I would rather you both help me get the body I need to do that, rather than sabotage my efforts.”

“You have to drink something, you are going to dehydrate,” Tina said with a raised voice.

Before Angie entered her room, she asked if her mom would mind bringing her some ice water, as she wanted to stay in her room and try to get a little more sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

“I’m not liking this Bette.” Tina remained with her back leaned against the hall wall. “This has gone too far with her. Her obsessions with her weight is not right, and if getting on the team has prompted it, then I don’t want her on it at all.”

“Tee…it would break her heart to tell her we won’t allow her to try out for it.”

“I know it would, but I’m so scared. I see her starting down the same path you did years ago.”

Whether I liked to hear it or not, it was true. Angie was beginning to show some signs that made us both uncomfortable. However, I wasn’t convinced that prohibiting her from trying out for the basketball team would be the answer. “Tina, I don’t want to overreact. If she starts to drop weight, exercised vigorously, or do anything else that would cause alarm, then I’m with you. Right now we have a girl who is beginning to get quite obsessive no doubt, but we haven’t been watching her eating habits that closely to suddenly put our foot down and tell her she can’t be a part of the team.”

Tina looked at the carpeted floor, taking in what was said. “I wish I could remember how she was last week, during breakfast and dinner. I don’t remember anything specifically standing out, so I guess she was eating okay then.”

“This could just be something she recently started to focus on. Let’s give it a week at least, and just be a little extra vigilant as to how she acts, what she eats and doesn’t eat. What do you think?”

Tina’s hesitance showed.

“Tee…as soon as it seems like something isn’t right, we will both be right on it. Taking a week so that we can both give this our attention isn’t going to make a huge difference. If anything, it will allow us the chance to evaluate if we are jumping too soon.”

Tina nodded as she looked towards Angie’s room. “Alright. We will give it a week.”

“Good. Now, let’s get back downstairs and get some breakfast.”

“I’m going to bring her a pitcher of ice water first.”

“Alright. I’ll get our plates ready. I’ll need a little extra energy if I’m going to wash my car myself now.”

Tina rolled her eyes. “See, that’s not right. She was suppose to earn that money.”

“I know, but she isn’t feeling well so I’ll cut her some slack this time.”

“Next weekend,” Tina said with her brow arched, a sign she wasn’t kidding around any.

“Yeah…next weekend I’ll have her do it again.”

“Or...have her just give you the money back until next week,” Tina suggested.

“That doesn’t seem fair. I’m sure she doesn’t even have it anymore, she hit the mall remember?”

“Why wouldn’t she? She didn’t come home with any shopping bags.”

“She probably had something to eat with the girls.”

“Eat? Hello…Bette? The problem we have been having with her is not so much that she has been fussy about eating, but that she just doesn’t want to eat. She should still have the money.”

“Tee, honestly I’m not worried about it. I’ll see to it that she washes and vacs the car next weekend. I’ll probably just do the recycle tonight and leave the car for her to do then. Please…let’s not get into this with her right now. She isn’t feeling well and nothing we say anyway is going to be embraced. She isn’t in a good place right now.”

As Bette turned towards the stairs, Tina’s curiosity continued…did Angie still have the money or not? It was a question she probably wouldn’t find the answer to, for it was important that she and Bette remain on the same page when it came to parenting. It was clear that Bette didn’t want to make a big deal out of the money, and Tina was aware that asking Angie about the money would only open a big can of worms. She decided to do what they had discussed, and that would be to pay closer attention to her daughter in the days that followed.

#

I was hitting typical L.A. traffic ties on this rainy Wednesday afternoon. I had hoped to easily slide back into my usual morning time slot I once had, but the waiting list was unreasonable and I had promised Tina that I would see my therapist this week.

When I finally arrived, I was surprised to find that not only would I be on time, but I had five minutes to spare. As I gathered my umbrella and purse, my cell phone rang.

“Bette Porter.”

“Hey you.”

I smiled at the sound of her voice. We both had emailed one another a few times the day before, but hadn’t actually spoken since Monday night when she told me about Angie’s first day back at school. “Hi Tee. How are you?”

“I’m good. I wanted to call and wish you luck at your appointment.”

“You remembered?” I had to admit, it felt wonderful knowing that Tina was paying as much attention as she was. I honestly felt her slowly coming back into my life, on a level which was more personal than it had ever been since our split.

“I did. I’m sorry I wasn’t in touch yesterday. I was hoping to call you, and every time I found myself reaching for the phone there was something going on.”

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m annoyed with our teenage daughter again.”

“The chores?” I questioned while opening the umbrella outside the car.

“No, not so much that. It’s actually been taken to the other extreme.”

I looked at my watch as I made my way through the rain slicked parking lot to the glass doors. I knew I wasn’t going to have the time necessary to get into this too much, but I wanted to at least find out what she meant. “I don’t understand.”

“She has been on my case about other kids making more money than her, that she wants an increase in her allowance. I told her that she gets more than what I ever got, and I think the amount is fair.”

“Is she at least doing the chores?”

“Yes, she is. That part is a blessing. However, she is constantly asking me what else she can do, because she wants more cash on hand.”

“I hate to do this, but I’m about to walk into the reception area. I can call you from home this evening if you like.”

“Actually…I didn’t just call to wish you luck. I wanted to know if you would like to come to dinner.”

“When?”

“Tonight. You could come here following your appointment…that is if you don’t have any other plans.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two for this evening... enjoy!

CHAPTER 23

“Place an extra plate on the table please,” Tina requested as she placed the placed the pan of eggplant parmesan in the oven.

“Who’s coming to dinner?” Angie asked.

“Momma B.”

“Cool. I wanted to ask her if she would be a speaker during Women’s Week.”

“Women’s Week?”

“The Diversity Club that I belong to. They are doing a special event which celebrates a week of women in history…you know, women who have made a difference and are successful and stuff. I remember Momma B telling me a lot of stories about some African American women that she once studied in history, and we are actually talking about them now. It’s pretty cool. I just thought it would be neat of she could be one of the speakers where she came from a diverse family.”

“It sounds really interesting. I’m sure that momma B would try her best to work it in her calendar. When is it anyway?”

“It started on Monday.”

“Next Monday?! Angie, that’s really short notice. Momma B works you know, has commitments. How long have you known about this?” Tina obviously didn’t catch the word “started.”

Angie turned silent as she finished adding utensils next to the third plate. 

“Ange?”

“I knew three weeks ago. I didn’t want to bother her during the week, and kept thinking I would ask her each weekend that I saw her…and it’s not next Monday by the way.”

“Didn’t you say it was Women’s Week? Usually a weekly event starts on a Monday.”

“It already did.”

“Did?”

“It started this past Monday.”

Tina placed her hands on her hips as she turned towards her daughter. “You have known about this for three weeks, and now you expect Momma B to jump through hoops to attend an event that has already started?”

“I’m sorry mom. I have had a lot going on. It just slipped my mind.”

Tina was upset that the relationship she and Angie were sharing these days had become so confrontational and tense. Adolescence was a time of great change, and though she had always felt she would face them with ease when it came to her little girl, she was learning fast that the rose colored glasses had broken and life was different than the mental forecasting she had done over the years.

#

I was careful to be as nonchalant as possible as I glanced down at my watch. There was only ten minutes left, but I felt terribly drained. Talking about my feelings, weaknesses and past always managed to pull every bit of strength from me.

“How many times did you purge today?”

“Once,” I said sheepishly. 

Bonnie looked over her notes, biting the edge of her pencil every now and then. “As we discussed during your therapy in the past, you were not displaying the textbook version of this eating disorder. With bulimia, there is a tendency to eat large quantities of food, with the intent to purge following the consumption. Are you doing that this time?”

“No, I still don’t.”

“So you are basically doing what you did before…consuming an average amount of food, but purging it later?”

“Yes.” I felt extremely uncomfortable as I once again glanced inconspicuously at my watch, hoping I could push the hands ahead. “Nothing has changed since the last time I seen you. I was doing fairly well, and then I just fell into a bad spell again.”

“According to my notes here, you were involved with a woman…umm…”

“Terry.”

“Yes, Terry.” Bonnie peered above her glasses that rested on the brim of her nose.

“We broke up.”

“When?”

“I don’t know…about three months ago.”

“We had spoken about how unhealthy it was for you to be in that relationship. She fed the dark side with her obsession with working out and dieting. You were fighting your demons back then. Do you see a difference now, now that she isn’t in your life?”

“I didn’t at first, until I felt myself feeling healthier. I don’t think I ever found myself completely in remission…close to it, and if you can measure remission in terms of weeks, then there were times I was.”

“So you have your healthy boundaries now, that’s a plus. Any other pressure to be perfect and have it all together?”

I hesitated. I honestly wasn’t feeling those things at all. I felt myself to actually be in a better place than many times before. “I don’t feel like I have anything in my life that is triggering this right now.”

Bonnie removed her glasses and rested her arms on each arm rest as she leaned back against her leather chair. “What have you lost control over?”

There it was, the big question. It was only a matter of time before the discussion turned towards the big trigger, the inability to have control over a situation in my life which often prompted an aggressive flare up with the illness.

I looked down at my watch, being intentionally obvious as I hoped it would bring her attention to the fact that it was now six o’clock and our session was over.

Bonnie glanced at the clock on her desk and then to the calendar that rested beside it. “Why don’t you give that some thought, and we will schedule something for next Wednesday…same time?”

“Yes, five o’clock will be fine.”

“We’ll see you then,” Bonnie said as she handed me her card with the next appointment written on the back.

#

Angie closed the doors to the linen closet and walked downstairs where Tina was putting a few last minute things together for dinner. Bette had called ten minutes earlier to say she was picking up a bottle of wine, and would be at the house shortly.

“Mom, do we have anymore toilet paper?”

“You know where it is Ange…in the linen closet upstairs.”

“There isn’t anymore left.”

Tina arched both her brows. “I’m sure there is. I picked up a twelve pack a week ago last Tuesday.”

“I’m serious, there isn’t any.”

“That’s strange. I only put two roles in my own bathroom, and one downstairs here. What about you? How many have you changed over in your bathroom?”

Angie knew she had retrieved many rolls of toilet paper since Tina had shopped last, and became somewhat nervous at the accounting which had started to take place.


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

“God I don’t know mom. I didn’t think I had to remember how many times I changed the toilet paper.”

Tina realized the discussion was bordering on ridiculous, and dismissed any further questions. “Call Momma B, see if you can catch her before she gets here and ask if she can pick up a couple of rolls. If you have to go right away, just use my bathroom. I still have some in there.”

Angie took the portable phone from the base and walked out the back door. She sat on the steps of the deck then dialed her other mother.

#

As I drove behind what had to be one of the slowest drivers in the world, my cell started ringing inside my purse. I quickly flipped the phone before the call went to voicemail. “Hello.”

“Momma B, can you get a couple of rolls of toilet paper?”

“Well hello to you my dear daughter.”

Angie chuckled. “I know, that must have sounded kind of goofy.”

“Sure did. How on earth did your mother let herself run out of toilet paper?”

“I don’t know. She wanted me to give you a call before you got to the house.”

“That’s not a problem. I have this incredibly slow driver in front of me, so I have no problem going in a different direction.”

Angie figured she would take advantage of the fact she had her mother’s undivided attention, not to mention the fact it was much easier breaking news over the phone. “Oh, I forgot to ask you sooner, but can you do a speech at my school?” Angie continued before she received an answer. “It would really mean a lot to me mom. It’s part of the Diversity Club I belong to.”

“I remember that club. I’m glad to see you are still a member of it.”

“It’s been a lot of fun, and I’ve learned a lot. Remember I told you about Rosa Parks?”

“Yes I do.”

“I liked learning about her. What a great woman.”

“She sure was. So when is it?”

“Well…it…it’s this week.”

“This week?!” Without even giving the words thought they left my lips. “You’re not serious Angie.”

“I am mom. I’m sorry…I know I dropped the ball.”

“That only leaves tomorrow and Friday. Which day were you hoping I could get to the school?”

“There is an opening tomorrow at one o’clock. Do you think you can come then?”

I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. I would need to check my blackberry once I had a chance and be sure I didn’t have anything conflicting with my schedule at work. “I’ll do my best. I have to take a look at my schedule tomorrow.”

“Cool. Thanks mom.”

“Angie,” I said quickly, hoping to avoid disappointing her. “I didn’t say definitely. I’ll do what I can, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up too soon.”

“I know. Thanks for trying.”

“You’re welcome. Is your mom nearby?”

“She’s in the house. Dinner is almost ready.”

“Can you put her on the phone?”

“Alright.” Angie stood from steps and walked back into the house. “Mom, Momma B wants to talk to you.”

Tina wiped her hands on the dish towel, then took the phone from her daughter. She watched as Angie made her way towards the stairs. “Hello.”

“Since when do you run out of toilet paper?” I couldn’t help but poke a little fun at my ex. “You used to be so anal retentive about it.”

“Ha Ha, aren’t you the comedian.” 

“Sometimes.”

“I don’t know what’s going on around here. I could have sworn I had more bathroom tissue in this house.”

“I would have thought she was yard rolling, but that is usually done after sports games or graduation.”

“Yeah, if it were that easy I could understand it. I’m going to have to pay closer attention.”

“Well I just pulled into the store parking lot. I’ll pick up a few rolls. Is there anything else you need?”

“No, I have everything. Thanks for running that errand for me.”

“You’re welcome. It’s not a problem at all...matter of fact, it reminds me of the old days when you would send me to the store to get you some tampons.”

Tina couldn’t help by laugh at the memory. “You were so accommodating. I was more spoiled than I realized.”

There was an awkward silence that formed, before Tina spoke once more. “Hurry up and get yourself here, I have dinner on warm right now.”

“Okay. I’ll be there soon.”

#

ThinIsIn: u there?

Angie was on the iTunes site browsing tunes that she wanted to spend an old gift card on when her messenger window popped up.

APK16: yeah, what’s up?

ThinIsIn: nuttin, just hanging u?

APK16: waiting for momma B. She’s coming over 4 dinner

ThinIsIn: u still think they might get back together?

APK16: maybe. It was just weird over the weekend. They were different

ThIsIn: in what way?

APK16: talking more, and just kind of hanging. My mom never stayed over momma B’s before, so that was really far out, and now momma B is coming 2 dinner. They don’t want 2 admit it, but I think they r getting back together.

ThinIsIn: cool. You feeling better?

APK16: yeah. I think my body needed 2 get used 2 it a little. My mom wants 2 know why we are using so much toilet paper

ThinIsIn: rutro

APK16: yeah

ThinIsIn: you may need 2 buy some when you get your pills again

APK16: that’s another problem. I’m out of cash, and I only have 2 pills left

ThinIsIn: told you what you have to do

APK16: yeah

APK16: I know

Tina called for Angie to come downstairs for dinner. She said a few more words to Nicole, then closed the messenger window before heading to the kitchen to join her parents.


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Tina watched as Bette bit into the first piece of eggplant parmesan. The expression alone indicated her approval. “I take it you like it?”

I slowly opened my eyes as the flavor woke my taste buds. “It has been so long since I had this dish. It’s perfect.”

Tina smiled as she brought a piece of her creation to her own lips. “I know this was always one of your favorites,” she remembered aloud as she put the fork in her mouth.

Angie looked from Tina to Bette, sensing the growing connection that seemed to be developing between the two, particularly since the weekend. She poked at her food, being sure to take a sample here and there when she felt her parents’ eyes upon her.

I turned my attention towards our daughter. “Mom tells me you enjoyed your Literature class this week?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll like that class. We are suppose to read “The Crucible” and “The Great Gatsby, and a few others I can’t remember.”

“I can’t believe they are still having kids read ‘The Great Gatsby,’” I said glancing towards Tina.

“Why?” Angie inquired.

“Well, because I had to read it when I was in school.”

“Wow,” Angie said with surprise. 

Her inflection caused me to look at Tina, as the reaction was clearly related to my age.

“I remember reading ‘The Old Man and the Sea’ by Hemmingway,” Tina quickly offered.

“Oh that was a good one. Talk about determination huh?” 

Angie watched as her mother’s continued to make some light conversation as they reminisced back to their own school days. Inside she hoped that they might somehow find a way to come back to one another. As a child, there were so many times she would lay on her bed fantasizing about all of them living in the same home and what it would be like. Though she was now 16 years old, and would be going off to college in a couple of years, it didn’t stop her from hoping.

#

Following dinner, the girls each contributed to clearing the table, loading the dishwasher, and cleaning the kitchen. It allowed for some further opportunity to talk about different things going on in their lives. When they were done with the cleaning, Angie informed her mother’s that she needed to get some homework done and would be upstairs. Once she left the kitchen, Bette and Tina made their way to the living room.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” Tina asked.

“Only one,” I smirked as I held up my index finger.

“What? Do you think I would try to get you drunk or something?”

“One never knows Miss Kennard.”

Tina smiled as she grabbed two wine glasses from the cupboard, the bottle of wine I had brought, and a corkscrew from the kitchen drawer. “I wouldn’t think of it.”

I kicked off my shoes and sat on the sofa, watching as Tina turned the stereo on before taking a seat beside me.

Tina handed Bette the cork screw and bottle. “Would you mind?”

“Not at all.” 

As Bette picked at the aluminum seal, Tina watched with more interest than she would normally have ever given before. Bette glanced over to find Tina staring at her long slender fingers. When Tina realized that Bette was cognizant of where her eyes had fallen, she quickly looked away. “So…how was therapy tonight?”

“Draining,” I replied as I began placing the cork screw over the top of the cork. “I know it’s something I need to do, but I have to tell you, at the end of the day it’s hard to get into picking apart my psyche.”

“I’m sure it is. I’m very proud of you for going Bette.”

I placed the cork and cork screw down on the coffee table and began pouring wine into each of our glasses. “Thank you Tina. I’m not sure I would have even bothered getting back into therapy if it weren’t for you encouraging me. It has meant more than you know.”

I placed the bottle of wine on the table and handed Tina a glass. 

“Thank you,” Tina said as she held the glass, waiting for Bette to lift her own from the table.

“To...” I paused, as I knew what my heart wanted to say, but I didn’t want to pressure Tina. “…to having the courage at taking another chance with therapy.”

Tina tilted her head slightly. She watched as the dim light shimmered inside the reflective pool of the brunettes large brown eyes. “To those second chances…which allow us the opportunity to make things right the second time.”

I paused a moment. I was sure there was more in those words than just a reference to my illness. I watched as Tina brought the rim of the glass to her lips, parting them slightly as the wine slipped past the glass edge and into her mouth. She licked her upper lip with her tongue once she pulled the glass away. 

“Mmm very good. Are you going to sip yours?”

I looked at my hand, seeing it hadn’t moved from the raised position which I had toasted. “Yes…sorry.” 

Tina stared lustfully at Bette as she watched the brunette’s every move with the glass; her lips and the slow residual lick of her tongue after she sipped the wine sent a chill down her spine. 

I placed my glass next to Tina’s on the coffee table, then turned to face her, bringing my arm to rest across the top of the sofa. “What’s on your mind?”

Tina felt her cheeks flush slightly. Over the past few days she had felt a little more certain of the direction she wanted to take with Bette. What she wasn’t sure of, was whether the timing was right. She wondered if it were best to wait to say something until after Bette had the bulimia under control, or if saying something now would have a more positive effect on Bette’s recovery. At the same time, she didn’t want her actions to impact the illness or vice versa.

“What?” I asked, wondering why she hadn’t spoken.

“I’m a little…” Tina pushed her slender fingers through her blonde hair. As the strands dropped back into place she looked once more into the eyes of the woman she had never stopped loving. “…worried.”

“Worried? About what?”

“How I’m feeling.”


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

Bette wasn’t sure whether she needed to be concerned. Tina’s expression wasn’t indicative of anything serious, but nevertheless there was obviously something on her mind. “Feeling about what?”

Tina hesitated. She looked from Bette to the still red liquid which filled her glass. “Us…I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what you shared with me…your feelings and such.”

I felt my heart flutter at the simple revelation that Tina had, at a minimum, been thinking about the conversations we had in recent days. I waited a few seconds before encouraging her to continue. “Please…go on.”

Tina was on the edge, balancing between the forces of jumping forward and forcing her thoughts to form into words and escape her lips, or to retreat. Before she could pull back her lips were moving. “Bette, I’m scared. I don’t know if it would be the right time to try to be together again. I worry that with the bulimia being active right now, that beginning a relationship again may be too much for you…too much stress by adding such a big element back into your life.”

“It wouldn’t,” I replied quicker than my mind could process the words.

“I just…I don’t want to make things harder for you.” Tina’s eyes locked with Bette’s. She felt the back cushion of the sofa rise slightly as Bette lifted her hand from where it was resting. The next thing she felt was the warmth of Bette’s hand as it teased a stray piece of hair. 

“You wouldn’t be making anything harder for me,” I reassured. “I have never felt more complete or loved than with you. Nothing in my life has ever come close Tina…nothing.”

Bette dropped her hand, her palm coming to rest on the blonde’s soft cheek. Her contentment rose when she felt Tina push her face harder against the open palm as she closed her eyes. Tina was physically in the moment, appearing to want and need more than just the simplicity of such a small touch upon her skin. 

Tina turned her face so her lips were now where her cheek had resided for those few seconds. She lifted her hand and pressed it against the back of Bette’s, bracing it as she pushed her lips harder into the brunette’s palm. “I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered before kissing the mocha colored skin. “…so much.” Her words escaped her.

I felt my nipples tighten as they distended against the silk fabric of my bra. The effect that Tina had on my body couldn’t be denied. I found myself falling into a state of arousal any time I was near my former lover, and more so when the interaction between us became more intimate. 

What both women were on a quick road to discovering, was that they would not be able to deprive themselves of destiny. This was a relationship that was meant to be, and though there was a history of some betrayal and pain, the truth was, love was a much stronger emotion and would seal their future if they would both allow it.

Tina’s hands pulled at Bette’s shirt as she drew her close. For a short moment, both women paused as they gazed into one another’s eyes. The window to one’s soul as they were often termed, spoke of love, devotion, want, need, and passion. As Bette slipped one hand behind Tina’s neck, little effort was needed before their lips found the others.

The past, the present and the future culminated in a fiery kiss that grew as lips parted, tongues reacquainted themselves, and emotions poured out. The sanctity of love passed indiscriminately between their heart, mind and soul. There was a consensus of both the tangible and undefined that this was love which was commencing, filling the bare, dark, and cavernous areas of their lives.

#

Angelica peered around the corner into the living room one last time before tip toeing out the front door to meet Nicole at the end of the street. Nicole offered to drive them to the pharmacy so they could score some laxatives. She was extremely nervous at the thought of getting caught, but Nicole assured her that there was a better chance of stealing during the evening hours than the weekends when there were more employees working.

When she turned the bend she spotted Nicole’s car. She started to run towards it, relieved when she finally reached it and got inside. 

“Your mom’s didn’t see you did they?”

“No. They were busy making out,” Angelica replied as she changed the radio station.

“Making out?” Nicole laughed. “Really?”

“Yeah. It was really weird.”

“I bet. Have you ever seen them do it before?”

“No, that’s the thing. I mean…gosh Momma B and Mom had been apart from as early as I can remember. It was kind of strange ya know…seeing two women muck it up.”

Nicole started the car and began driving towards the pharmacy. “Did you get grossed out?”

“No, I wasn’t grossed out by it, just shocked I guess which made me feel kind of weird about it, ya know?”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, it ended up being a good distraction. We need to do this quick though, because I don’t know what time Momma B is leaving and when she does she will go upstairs to say bye to me.”

“Well it’s not like the pharmacy is that far. This won’t take long at all.”

“Good.”

“Just remember, you have to look back and forth to make sure no one is watching.” 

Angelica was feeling extremely nervous and uptight. Overall she had been a rather well behaved young adult. She rarely found herself grounded, and except for some recent disagreements with Tina, she had been developing in a positive manner. She felt her palms begin to sweat at the first sight of the pharmacy ahead. 

#

She missed Bette, more than she allowed herself to admit over the years that separated them. The pieces of conversation they were sharing in between tender kisses was drawing them closer emotionally. The raw honesty that love never really fades completely was proof in how their bodies easily responded to one another.

As Tina slipped both hands along Bette’s jaw line, her nails teased the strands of dark hair that found themselves between her fingers. “I love you Bette,” Tina admitted as she looked into the hopeful eyes that were staring back at her. “…and I want to try to be together again. I’m willing to put in all the effort necessary to make this work between us. All that you told me you felt for me the other night, I feel too. I have been too afraid   
to admit it fully to myself, and terrified to openly declare my feelings to you. I’m still scared of failing…of losing again…but I know that I would have more discontent in my life if I let you go again. I’m not letting you go…I want you back.” 

Bette’s brows curled at the disclosure of Tina’s feelings. Before she provided anything in return, Tina had begun kissing her former lover with an even strong intensity and craving. As their tongues once again found the other, Tina pushed her body against Bette’s until the brunette’s back found the cushions.


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

“Just take a deep breath Ange, you’ll be fine.” Nicole grabbed Angie’s shoulders. “It’s no big deal…really.”

“My parents will kill me if I get caught.”

“Ange.” Nicole stared into her friends eyes. “Just stick with me and do what I tell ya. You’re learning from a pro.”

Angie rolled her eyes. “Great.”

“Hey now.” Nicole laughed and turned towards the front doors of the pharmacy. 

When the girls entered the pharmacy, there was only one young girl at the register browsing through one of the tabloids. “This should be an easy score,” Nicole whispered as they walked past a few aisles that remained empty.

“Isn’t anyone working?” Angie inquired quietly.

“I told you, it’s really dead in here weeknights.”

Angie found little comfort in the fact that there were less people around. She knew she was going to be doing something that went against everything she was ever taught. The knot in her stomach felt like it was strangling her organs.

#

While Tina was looking down at Bette, the brunette’s eyes traveled down Tina’s face to her neck, and then to her chest. The open blouse allowed a clear view of her cleavage, and a fair portion of both breasts that were hanging freely against the fabric.

“Do you like what you see?” Tina asked seductively. “I would love to introduce you to them again.”

The moisture between my legs continued to grow as I felt my pussy tighten further following the suggestion and growl that trailed, not to mention the fact that with clear intention, Tina hadn’t worn a bra. I watched as Tina took one of her own hands and slipped it inside her blouse, tweaking the evidence of her aroused state.

“Mmm…my nipples are so hard for you.”

I closed my eyes as I tried to gain control. It wouldn’t be right to proceed any further with our daughter home and apt to come downstairs at any given moment. My resolve was tested more now than over the past few days.

Tina removed her hand from inside her blouse and undid the top two buttons. As she did, her breasts fell freely from the confines of the fabric. Bette’s eyes widened at the sight of Tina’s well defined breasts. Tina began massaging one of them, pleading for Bette to help her.

“I want your lips to touch them again…take them in your mouth and have your way with them.” Tina’s words became breathless as her center throbbed. “Pleeease.” Her state of need wasn’t something she felt she could turn away from. If it meant they take this to another place, such as the bedroom then so be it, but she wasn’t going to let herself turn back now.

“God Tee…” I moaned as I felt Tina’s mouth kissing my neck. “What…what about Ange, she may still be awake.”

Tina’s body went still as she recognized the truth in what Bette had said.

“I’m sorry Tee. I just don’t want her to walk downstairs and find us.”

Tina eased herself off of Bette. “No, you’re right. I don’t want her to find us like this before we get a chance to talk to her.”

I could see the disappointment in Tina’s face, not to mention my own regret that things needed to stop. “Do you think she has fallen asleep?”

Tina looked at her watch. It was ten o’clock, and during school nights Angie was usually asleep between ten and eleven. “I don’t know. It depends how tired she is. With this being the first week of school, I imagine that she is probably going to be falling asleep earlier than later.”

I smiled as I arched a brow. “You know…if we are quiet enough…”

Tina felt a growing sense of exhilaration at the prospect of them not just having sex, but trying to be as discrete as possible. “It would be a little hot…needing to hush the lucid sounds of pleasure.”

Tina stood and reached for Bette’s hand, pulling it behind her as she walked across the kitchen. 

“Should we peek in on her?” I asked.

“No. Who knows if she might hear us. If she is sleeping, then that’s just what we want her to be doing right?” Tina walked past her study to the bedroom. 

“This was the best idea, renovating the two bedrooms into one master bedroom down here.”

“I like having the privacy…not that it’s been something I really needed much of these days,” Tina admitted. 

Once inside the room, it wasn’t long before both women began a slow descent onto the bed. The clothes that once bound their bodies were removed in a smooth and calculated way which left little to the imagination.

As Tina lay with her back against the mattress, she looked up at Bette, watching as the brunettes eyes took in the beauty of the body she had long missed. She felt Bette’s legs straddling each side of her, repressing her ability to spread her own legs.

Tina slid the palm of her hand down her abdomen towards her pussy. “I’m so wet for you.”

My eyes followed Tina’s hand as it continued its descent southward. The moment the blonde parted her lips, exposing her clit which had been considerably swollen, I leaned forward and began kissing her fervently. My tongue synchronized with Tina’s, and while Tina’s hands and nails took turns caressing my back, I began rolling Tina’s rock hard nipple between my thumb and forefinger. Our moans merged as one, becoming inexplicable, as we forced ourselves to contain the pleasure within the depths of the other’s mouth.

Tina was the first to break the kiss as she struggled to take a breath. “Uhh…baby…make love to me.” Tina breathed her words into the still of the night.

The interruption was grounds for Bette to move from orally stimulating Tina’s mouth, to the nipple she had since been arousing with her fingers. It was all so surreal to Bette. She yearned for this moment, longer than she would ever admit openly, and it was probably longer than she had even been willing to acknowledge to her own body and soul. This was it. In this moment, she was making love to Tina with the agreement that they would be giving themselves another chance. The reality amplified the fervor to make this moment unforgettable. As she mapped Tina’s body with kisses, licks, and a nip here and there, the familiar hot spots on her former lover’s body was returning fast.


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

Tina groaned as Bette kissed an area just above her right hipbone that always elicited a positive reaction. There wasn’t a woman who ever came close to discovering the alternative parts of her body that were highly sensitive and separate from the more obvious. Bette had always been a patient and generous lover, taking her time to learn, apply and process each caress given and the reaction which was returned. That was only one difference that set her apart from anyone else Tina had been with. The others had been coming back to Tina each time she found herself relaxing in Bette’s company.

“Mmm,” I moaned aloud as I moved my mouth along the path of Tina’s groin, feeling her hip rise to meet my mouth as I made small circles with my tongue. 

“My pussy…it’s so wet…I need you there…take me.” Tina found herself in utter need, a need so strong that she hadn’t felt in years. She enjoyed sex, and wasn’t afraid to ask for whatever it was she felt a craving for. This time however, the state she was in had not been matched since the first time she and Bette were in a relationship together.

As Bette’s mocha skin slightly contrasted with Tina’s fair tones, her breaths had become marginally warmer. The raw and primal request prompted a tighter feeling deep inside her center. The throbbing that matched this cavernous ache, and the dampness which had started to gently slip from where it had been contained, was evidence that these women could still turn the other on long before ever coming close to touching the part of the body that was known to do that.

#

Angie and Nicole stood close to one another as each of them pulled extra laxatives from one box to place inside another. 

“Hurry,” Nicole said anxiously as she peered beyond Angie.

Angie began panicking as she tried desperately to shove the contents into the second box. One sleeve of laxatives fell to the floor, causing Nicole’s anxiety to increase further.

“Keep it there.” Nicole noticed a pharmacist standing at the end of the aisle. She knew they had been seen. “Come on!” 

“Hey you two!” shouted the stout man.

Nicole started to run down the aisle, away from the man. In Angie’s haste to shove the laxatives into her pocket, she dropped her school I.D. onto the floor.

“Hurry Ange!” Nicole yelled as she ran out the front doors of the pharmacy and to her car.

Angie had just opened the passenger door when Nicole started the car. “Hurry!” 

“I’m in, I’m in!”

The tires on the car smoked as Nicole placed the petal to the floor, making a quick escape before any personnel could get her plate number.

“Phew…we’re lucky.” It was the closest Nicole had ever come to getting caught. Her heart was beating fast as she tried hard to calm herself with reassuring words. “Well, at least they didn’t get the plate number. We just won’t go back there to score our stuff. There are plenty of other stores in the area we can get our stuff from.”

Angie’s hands trembled. The adrenalin rush surpassed anything she ever expected. The only consolation was as Nicole had pointed out, that they hadn’t been caught.

#

Just before bringing her mouth to the center of Tina’s universe, Bette paused for a moment. She looked at this highly personal and private part of Tina’s body, recognizing the value in what the blonde was offering to her. The memories of the past began filling her mind. Those hot California nights following a series of heat waves which found them relinquishing clothes and skinny dipping in the pool, or those Sunday’s which allowed them to make love half the morning, most times skipping breakfast and on some occasions lunch. They were beautiful memories, and there were so many more to be made.

“I can’t take it,” Tina said with urgency. “Please…please Bette.”

The pleading didn’t last for very long. Bette’s thumbs grazed each lip before separating them to reveal a remarkably distended clit. She closed her eyes as she relished the smell of sex that emanated from Tina’s center. 

“Mmm…you smell so good. God I’ve missed this….soooooo much.” I brought my lips to Tina’s clit and surrounded the engorged nub so it was inside of my mouth. As my tongue manipulated the soft tip, I made tiny circles, being sure the rhythm I started didn’t skip a beat.

Tina snaked her fingers through Bette’s long hair that flowed down onto her stomach and each side of her. She urged Bette to take more, pulling her into her body and raising her hips in unison as she uttered regular moans of satisfaction.

Bette reached up and cupped one of Tina’s breasts in her hand. The rock hard nipple pushed against her palm as she gripped the well defined breast in her hand. 

Tina rocked her head from side to side as Bette’s mouth assembled an orchestra of symphony from both Tina mouth and her own. “Ohhh…yesss…ri..ight…there…uuuuhhhh…”

The sounds coming from the blonde were incredibly sexy and arousing. Bette felt her center needing to feel contact sooner than later. In her own moment of need, she straddled Tina’s leg, never pulling her mouth from the place she had been spending time. 

The moment Bette’s wet pussy touched the front of Tina’s leg, she started grinding into it to acquire as much contact as possible. Tina did her part, by pumping her leg up and down.

“Fuck…fuck me harder Bette.” Tina’s request was primitive as she grasped a handful of sheets in each hand. The pinnacle of reason gave way to passion as the women held nothing back in terms of their requests.

I snaked my tongue inside Tina, which induced a momentous moan. The generously warm and silky fluid wrapped around this muscle, as my taste buds came to life. Everything about Tina was incredible, from her irresistible outer beauty to that which shined bright from within. There was nothing more special or meaningful than when we made love. The fire that rose between us was limitless, and it was only the combination of us both that allowed the fire to find any form of consummation.

As both women relished in the second chance that life and love allowed them, they continued making love and drawing out multiple orgasms at different intervals. They were rediscovering everything they once were, and all there was to be. The familiarity of yesterday, the safety of today, and the hope for tomorrow blended together to create the best lovemaking experience they had ever had.

Both women collapsed from sheer exhaustion, the sheets absorbing some of the perspiration that had formed upon their skin. 

Tina felt a bead of sweat travel between her bare breasts as her chest rose and fell. Her body hadn’t gone through anything remotely close since she had been with Bette more than 16 years ago.

Bette rested the back of her forearm on her forehead as her breaths slowed. The mind blowing sex they had engaged in was the most fulfilling ever. Compared to their prior intimacy, there was something more solid and stronger today in this short time of reconciliation than when they had dated and been in a long term relationship. Perhaps they were now more experienced, mature, and educated enough to recognize the value in what they shared together.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and especially for taking the time to comment!

CHAPTER 29

“This is the school I.D. that one of the young girls dropped.” The pharmacist handed the card to the store manager.

“Angelica Kennard-Porter. There isn’t much we can do right now Dick. They have already left the store, and until we have concrete proof on the security tapes, I can’t expect the police to do much at this point because it could still be interpreted as our word against hers. I’ll have loss prevention check the tapes first thing in the morning and we’ll take it from there.”

“Kids today,” The pharmacist grumbled as he made his way from the store office back to the pharmacy.

Nate couldn’t agree more, each night it seemed they were finding more and more pilferage, particularly with laxatives, cold medicine and cosmetics. He would make sure to follow up with store security and the local police department once he opened the store in the following morning.

#

Tina was laying on her side facing Bette as she drew tiny patterns on her abdomen. “I love you. I hope you never question that ever.”

I turned my head to face Tina. “Never.”

“Good.” Tina hesitated as she thought of how to address her continuing concern over Bette’s overly thin body. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked, sensing the change in Tina’s expression and the way she was drawing on my body.

Tina remained quiet. She didn’t want to bring up something that would upset Bette, but at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel the brunette’s hip bones protruding against her delicate skin as they made love. “Just promise me that you will take care of yourself Bette. I can’t begin to fathom what my life would be like if I lost you again.”

I turned on my side so that I was now facing Tina. “Tee, you won’t lose me…I promise you.”

“The promise is that you will take care of yourself,” Tina reminded.

I tightened my lower lip as I realized what Tina was referring to. “I’m in therapy…I’ll do what I can to embrace what I need to in order to be better.”

Tina dragged her index finger up Bette’s forearm and back down. “That’s all I can ask for right?”

“It’s a start,” I added.

“I know, and I do appreciate you trying. I just want you in my life forever.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “I know…I know Tee.” I leaned in and gently placed my lips against Tina’s, offering a kiss of warmth and acknowledgement. 

When their kiss ended, Tina placed her forehead against Bette’s. “When do you suppose we tell Angie?”

“I don’t know. Do you have any ideas?”

“We could go out to dinner over the weekend if you want. We could tell her then.”

“That’s a good idea. Maybe we can have a picnic in the state park.”

“Ooo that’s a fabulous idea. I haven’t been there … well since we had gone right after…”

“I know.” I gently brushed Tina’s hair from her face. “It was a hard time in our life…losing the baby.”

Tina took Bette’s hand from where it came to a rest by her ear and held it tight. “Do you ever wonder about what he would have looked like now?”

I closed my eyes for a moment. The loss of that child had hit me very hard, and it was something I worked hard to put in my past and away from my thoughts. Truth was, it still crept up every now and then, particularly when Angie would visit on weekends complaining that she wished she had a brother or sister. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t probably be talking about it…it was a hard –“

“No…no it’s okay Tina. I have tried hard not to think about him. But you know how it is, it never really goes away.”

Tina squeezed Bette’s hand. “No, it doesn’t.”

I leaned in and placed a few butterfly kisses on Tina’s cheek. “We have a beautiful daughter who completes us. That is where we need to focus our energy and love now.”

#

Angelica was surprised to see Bette’s car was still at the house. She had hoped there was only one parent she had to contend with in terms of sneaking past. Having left them in the living room, she hoped they were still there and maybe watching television. If they were in the kitchen, she knew it was going to be difficult to get past them without having to provide an explanation.

“Bye Nic.”

“Bye Ange. Will you be online?”

“No, I’m going to go right to bed…that is if I can sleep.”

“Don’t worry. It’s all good. You have laxatives to last a few weeks and we left that old guy in the dust. We’re good.”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok. See ya in school tomorrow.”

Angie did her best to close the car door as softly as she could. Upon climbing the steps, she took a deep breath as her hand wrapped around the door knob. She remained both scared and disappointed in her actions. She wondered how carefree Nicole could be about it, and hoped that she could soon find peace with her actions. Being home made her feel all the more terrible, as she was now out of the moment and able to reconsider her actions.

She slowly turned the knob and entered the house. She was surprised at how quiet everything was down stairs. The only light came from the one above the stove which Tina put on every night before she went to bed. As she took small steps towards the stairs, and began ascending them in a very light and calculated manner, she started to give thought as to just where her parents were. It was obvious they weren’t hanging out in the living room, for the television wasn’t making any sound, and nor were they in the kitchen. When she was just about at the top of the stairs, she started to panic, hoping that Bette wasn’t sleeping over in their spare room, for that room was on the second floor next to her bedroom.

Once she reached the top landing, she looked towards the spare room, prepared to either see her mom or hear her voice calling out to her. She was surprised to see that the door was still open and the room dark. She quickly retreated to her bedroom, closed the door softly and began undressing for bed.


	30. Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30

“So…tell me, what was your favorite part?” Tina teased, hoping to illicit some greater details from Bette.

“Of…?”

Tina fell back against the bed and started to laugh. “Oh, I don’t know Bette…the Godfather!”

“Smart ass,” I responded, still unsure as to what Tina’s question was referring to.

“I’m talking about our sex. What was your favorite part?”

I offered my signature naughty smile before answering. “Tina Kennard…you are so wicked.”

“I know, but you like that don’t you?”

I brought my fingertips to her lips and traced them. “I do.”

“What else? What else did you like?”

“God Tee, I don’t think I could give you just one or two things.”

“So then, give it all to me.”

I arched a brow. “Didn’t I just do that not too long ago?”

“Now who’s being the smart ass? I’m serious.”

“Okay…I’m sorry, I’ll be serious.” I looked into Tina’s eyes as I started to share those things which I found to be the most symbolic. “I loved the feeling that came over me as I realized just where I was, in the moment. When my face was between your legs, taking in the most private and personal part of your body that I once knew…the feeling…it was beyond anything that words could explain Tee. The sight…the scent…the feeling of my tongue once again touching you and feeling your body respond as it once did…the taste. It was all incredible.”

Tina recognized that her body started to respond to Bette’s words, the recollection of their lovemaking. “Go on…”

“I loved when I felt you touching me once again. I missed your touch so much, and realized just how much when we started making love again...as one.”

“Me too, I know exactly how you feel.”

“I loved that you were starting to talk dirty to me.”

Tina arched a brow and tilted her head as she dropped her voice slightly. “Really. You liked that huh?”

“I did…very much.” Truth was, Tina never had been overly vocal about what she wanted or needed during sex, or even what she wanted to do to me.

“I’ve never felt comfortable before. I’m not sure why I did, or why it felt more than right to do so now.”

I knew it wasn’t really any of my business, but couldn’t help but ask. “Never? I mean…I know it didn’t happen between us before, but…what about anyone else you were with?”

Tina rolled her tongue across her top teeth, confining it under her lip as she contemplated Bette’s intrusive question. She wasn’t offended by it, more intrigued by what would prompt the inquisition. “Do you think I’ve built an extensive resume of women since you?”

“I’m sorry…that was an overly intrusive question wasn’t it?”

“It’s okay, I can understand the curiosity. I like that you liked it…and that I was comfortable to talk more…spicy.”

“You are too kind.”

“For what?”

“For not thinking I was a fool for inquiring.”

Tina smiled as she wrapped her arms around Bette and brought her close to her. The embrace was returned with equal sentiment, and in no time both fell victim to exhaustion, safe in the arms of the other.

#

Angie stared at the ceiling. She was having a hard time getting asleep. The time was 1:10 a.m. and sleep didn’t seem like it was going to occur anytime soon. She threw the blankets off and walked from the bed to the large full length mirror that hung on the back of her door. She pulled her shirt up, scanning both her abdomen and back side as she turned to get a glimpse from every angle.

Disgruntled at what was reflecting back, she dropped her shirt and walked to the bedroom window where she sat on the cushioned bench just below the sill. She stared at the bright moon and the aura of light that surrounded the distinctive circle that illuminated the dark night. As she started replaying the events of the evening in her head, her eyes glanced down towards the driveway just in time to observe Tina walking Bette to her car. She pulled herself back from the window, afraid she might be seen as she continued to take in the sight of both her mom’s.

She watched as Tina placed her hand on the small of Bette’s back. She couldn’t see Tina’s face, but Bette was smiling and appeared quite happy. She wondered how long it was going to take for them to tell her what was going on between them. In all the years her parents had been apart, Angie had never seen them so happy together. Clearly they were in the master bedroom because they weren’t anywhere visible to her when she came home. She rolled her eyes the moment they started to kiss. “Geez, they’re acting like a bunch of kids!” She liked that her parents were getting along, but felt slightly uncomfortable at watching the affection between the two simply because she wasn’t accustomed to seeing it.

“I’ll be at work for about an hour, then I’m heading to Angie’s school for the speech I need to give.”

“That’s really nice that you worked that into your schedule. I know it couldn’t have been too easy having it dropped on you the last minute.” Tina kept her hands wrapped around Bette’s neck as she spoke, enjoying the feeling of Bette’s hands as they rested on her waist.

“It was nothing.”

Tina arched a brow at Bette.

“Alright, it would have been easier if she had warned me about this, but what can you do, these things happen.”

“You’re much more relaxed than you used to be. I like it.”

I chuckled before leaning in to kiss Tina. I didn’t want to break the kiss, particularly where I had found it terribly hard to leave the warmth of Tina’s skin next to my own naked body when it was time to get out of bed moments earlier. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to get my ass out of your bed in the future.”

Tina dropped her hand from behind Bette’s neck to her ass. She gave it a small squeeze as she breathed her words close to the brunette’s ear. “Don’t worry about your ass…it’s in good hands.”

“Jesus Tee. You’re making this hard.”

“Good…as it should be.” Tina smiled before giving Bette a quick kiss on her lips. “I love you. Please drive safely.”

“I will.”

“Call me on my cell when you get home.”

“You sure? You should probably just go to sleep.”

“Nope. I won’t sleep until I know you are home safe.”

I closed the door and put the window down. “Thanks. It’s been a long time since someone told me that. It feels good.”

“Good.”

As Bette slowly backed out of the driveway, Tina blew her a kiss then turned towards the house.


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

The next morning, Angie came down the stairs and into the kitchen with tear filled eyes. When Tina turned from pouring herself a cup of coffee, she was stunned to find her daughter in such an emotional state. “What’s wrong Ange?”

“I look horrible!” Angie complained.

“Horrible? What are you talking about?”

Angie lifted her shirt to show her mother her jeans. “Look at the button. It just about makes it. I used to wear these a lot last winter.”

“Angie, you are a growing girl. You can’t expect that what fit you last year will fit you now.”

Angie was unwilling to recognize the validity in her mom’s statement. “I’m fat mom. I’m never going to get on the team.”

“You will get on the team, but you won’t if you keep thinking like that. You need to eat well and just practice some hoops after school with some of your friends.”

“It’s not that easy mom. I feel like a fat pig.”

“Stop putting yourself down. Sweetie, you are far from being fat. You are putting some unreasonable expectations on yourself. What you need to do is donate those jeans and any of your other clothes that don’t fit so well to charity. If you keep trying to fit yourself into clothes that shouldn’t be fitting you now, at this age, you will keep making yourself upset. Momma B got you a couple of pairs of jeans just this past weekend, why not wear them?”

“I liked these,” Angie said as she watched Tina take a sip of her coffee. “I wanted to wear these ones today.”

“Suit yourself, but you will be far more uncomfortable than if you just changed into something else.” Tina opened the fridge and took the carton of juice from the shelf. “How about a glass of orange juice?”

“I guess.” Angie took a seat at the kitchen table, wiping the residual tears that had partially dried on her cheeks. 

“How did you sleep last night? You went to bed really early.”

Angie felt her throat go dry. The last thing she wanted to do was think about the night before, and how she would begin concocting a lie. “Good…um…I think I’m just going to head out to school. I don’t need the juice.”

Before Tina could challenge her daughter, Angie was already out the back door. Tina stood in the middle of the kitchen holding the glass of juice she just poured. “What’s going on with that child?”

#

“It looks like the same kid on the tape as it does the student I.D. I can’t be 100% sure because the resolution isn’t as crisp as the picture on the I.D., but it’s enough to move forward with talking to the police.”

Nate agreed with the loss preventions specialist, and dialed the police department. He was feeling like a nuisance in recent weeks, calling upon the police several times to handle shoplifters which they had stopped. He reached for the phone and dialed the number that he knew by heart, something he didn’t like admitting to.

“Los Angeles Police Department, Sgt. Falk you’re being recorded.”

“Yes, Nate from Store#10 –“ Nate laughed into the phone. “Yeah Sarge, you know the drill.”

Nate hung the phone up, amused that the dispatch supervisor finished his sentence. All he could do now was sit back and wait for the police to arrive.

#

“Your mom is coming this morning right?” Nicole asked Angie as she stood near her locker.

“Yeah.”

“Why are you so glum?”

“I feel gross today.”

“Did you take any pills this morning?”

“I did. Now I just have to wait for them to kick in. I hope it’s not going to happen while my mom is here, that would be sick if I missed part of her speech.”

Nicole laughed as she walked beside Angie towards their classroom.

#

I grabbed my car keys and threw them into my bag as I walked out of the office. I dialed Tina as I waited by the elevator door. The shiny doors provided just enough reflection for me to take a quick glance at my appearance. I tugged at the bottom of my jacket, as my call went to voicemail.

“Hey Tee, just returning your call. I failed to raise the volume on my phone when I came out of my meeting with the Dean this morning. Call me when you can, I’m on my way to Angie’s school. Love you.” 

I was happy to be in the place I had found myself, with Tina back in my life. I would do all I could to be sure we had a healthy and fulfilling relationship this time around. If the sex the night before was any preview of how our relationship was going to be, I was certain that neither of us would have room for complaints. I only hoped that Angie would embrace the idea of us getting back together.

“…and…last night was over the top.”

I flipped the phone shut and placed it in my purse. 

#

“We’ll take a ride over to the school now,” Officer Breen said to Nate. “I’m just going to verify that she is a student and get an address for her parents and let them know what happened.”

“Thanks Matt. I hate to bother you folks all the time.”

“It’s no bother at all, it’s our job,” the dark haired woman responded back. “As long as there are deviant kids, Matt and I have job security.”

“Thanks Christy.”

Not too many people could say they were on a first name basis with the local police, and being so made Nate both happy it wasn’t for personal reasons which made him cross paths with them, but also stressed by the losses his pharmacy had been facing over the last couple of weeks in particular.


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

Tina smiled as she read the text message. As she prepared to return a text back to Bette, she looked at her watch. Bette was probably already speaking, and although she would normally silent her phone, she didn’t want to take any chances. She threw her gym bag in the back seat of her car and started to reminisce about the night before.

#

Angie looked on proudly when her teacher introduced Bette to the class. 

“You have a pretty hot looking mother Ange,” Cullen growled. He was one of the more popular boys in the class, and one of Angie’s crushes. 

“Sorry Cully, but you have the wrong parts,” Angie whispered back with a smirk.

Cully snapped his fingers in disappointment before turning his attention back to the front of the class.

“Thank you for having me as one of your speakers during Women’s Week. Diversity can be seen across multi-faceted levels of society, but the privileges a number of minorities benefit from today, wasn’t an easy process. In fact, progress didn’t happen overnight, particularly when it came to women, and African American women had an even more difficult time…”

As Bette continued her speech in the classroom, a different set of developments were taking place in the Principals’ Office down the hall.

Principal Morelli stood from her chair and shook Officer Breen and Edwards hands. “What can I do for you?”

“Ms. Morelli, we needed to confirm that you have a student currently enrolled with this school.” Officer Breen handed the ID to the principal who raised a brow.

“Sure. Ironically enough, her mother is here speaking to the class at this time.”

Officer Breen looked at his partner. “Really? That makes things a little easier on our end. We would like to speak to her.”

Principal Morelli looked at her watch. “The class should be getting out in about 30 minutes. Would you like to wait, or should I ask her to step out of the classroom?”

Officer Edwards looked at her watch. “We have to be at the courthouse in 34 minutes. We should try so speak with her now.”

Officer Breen agreed, prompting the principal to lead them down the hall and towards the classroom.

#

“Don’t say a word!” Tina warned.

Alice’s emotions were mixed. She was surprised to learn that the girls were getting back together, while at the same time it didn’t come as a huge shock. This was Bette and Tina, and most all their friends felt that they belonged together and would never find what they had together with someone else. “My lips are sealed.”

“Make sure they are the right lips,” Tina quipped.

“Hey, come on. Who would I tell anyway?”

“Where should I start?”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“We haven’t even spoken to Angie about it yet. The last thing I want is for her to hear it from someone else.”

“I understand. How do you think she will react?”

“Actually I think she will be okay with it. She has been throwing a few digs here and there about how much time we have been spending together.”

“She’s not stupid Tee. I’m sure she can tell the interest is back.”

“Probably.”

“Heck she probably already knows you both are getting back together, and you’re going through all the steps covering your tracks until you are both ready to sit and tell her.”

Tina laughed. “With our daughter you can never tell. She is so much like Bette.”

“Ouch.”

“Hey! There are a lot of great qualities that Bette has which Angie has adopted.”

“I’m kidding. I’m just so happy for you both…all three of you.”

Tina sighed. “Al, I haven’t been this happy in a long time.”

“I can tell. It may be just over the phone, but I hear it in your voice Tina. Bette must be equally excited.”

“She is. She was the first to bring the subject up about us trying again. I was so scared to let my feelings for her, which I had kept at bay for so many years, come back to the surface where she could see them.”

“I’m sure, but Tee you are both so much more mature than you were. You are in different places today than you were back then. The fact you have come back to one another means that there has always been something special between you both.”

“True.”

“I cannot wait for Shane to find out!” Alice began to show even more of her excitement. “She will just shit.”

“Not a word!” Tina warned once more.

#

Angie looked towards the classroom door when Ms. Morelli walked in. It wasn’t typical to see the school principal interrupting class. She watched as the principal whispered something to the teacher, then quickly diverted her eyes to the hallway where she noticed the two police officers standing.

Nicole noticed fear wash over Angie’s face. She leaned over and nudged her friend. “Hey…who do you think Morelli’s bagging?”

Angie didn’t turn her eyes from the hall, which prompted Nicole to look past the principal to the same place where Angie’s eyes were fixed. 

As the students began squirming in their seats, the teacher told them that there would be a small break in the speech, and to begin reading the handout which was provided to them earlier.

“Hey KP what’s with your mom and the police?” Jeremy turned around and asked.

Angie looked at Nicole then slumped in her chair. There was only one reason which she could think of, and try as she may, the likelihood that she was wrong was a slim one.


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

“Ms. Porter, I’m Officer Breen and this is my partner Officer Edwards.”

I felt my body tense. “My wife wasn’t in an accident or anything was she?”

The officers shook their head. “No, not at all. We are here about your daughter, Angelica.”

I was relieved to hear that Tina was okay, but was just as concerned at the revelation that they were there to speak about Angie. “What about my daughter?”

Officer Breen handed Bette Angie’s student I.D. “This was found by the pharmacist at SuperDrug Pharmacy last night.”

I was puzzled. “Oh…is it typical that the police return a lost I.D. card?” I asked in a tone which reinforced my confusion.

“The pharmacist observed her stealing products from the store last night.”

I felt my brows contort. “That’s impossible. She was home last night. She went to bed early as a matter of fact. When was this supposed to have happened?”

“The store tapes indicated it was around 10:15 pm.”

“Store tapes?” I folded my arms. I was most certain Angelica was in her room and fast asleep. “I’d like to see them, because I have a hard time believing it was my daughter.”

“Ma’m, we have the I.D. that dropped from her coat pocket.”

I was feeling angered by the accusation. Surely my daughter wouldn’t be stealing, there wasn’t a thing she ever wanted for most of her life. “Have you considered the fact that she may have lost it and someone else found it and decided to drop it to implicate her?”

It sounded like something in a book, but I was an extremely analytical person who had seen many dishonest things happen in the career paths I had taken over the years. Anything was possible, and until I could see that it was my daughter on the film with my own eyes, or Angie admitted to it, I wasn’t going to take the word of just anyone…even the police.

“Ms. Porter, it isn’t an unusual reaction by parents, to be surprised to find that their child has engaged in illegal activity.”

I ignored the female cop. “What did she allegedly steal?”

“Laxatives,” Officer Breen said quickly.

I closed my eyes tight as I snaked my fingers through my hair. I glanced at the small window on the door to the classroom, catching a glimpse of my daughter slumped in the chair.

#

“Come on, let’s get a hold of Shane and do lunch today. I just have to see her face Tee when you tell her.”

“Al, I don’t know if I can clear my schedule today. It’s been really crazy.”

“Kennard you can be such a party pooper. There will always be things in the In Box!”

“Hold on, I’ve got a call coming in.” Tina pressed the green button on her phone, which placed Alice on hold and answered the incoming call. “Hello.”

“Tee, it’s me.”

“Hey baby, I was going to call you…about that message you left,” Tina said with a low snarl.

“We need to talk.”

Tina sensed the serious tone in Bette’s voice. “What’s wrong?”

“Let’s just meet somewhere.”

Tina began to panic. “Okay, but tell me what this is about.” Tina needed something, even just a glimpse of what this serious phone call concerned.

“It’s about Angie. The police came to the school today and spoke with me.”

“What? What happened?”

“I’ll get into when I see you.”

“Where do you want me to meet you?”

I looked at my watch. “I have a meeting at 12:30 at the college. Why don’t we meet at Mike’s Café in twenty.”

“I can do that.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon.” I flipped my phone shut and proceeded towards the café.

Tina pressed the button on the phone to resume her conversation with Alice.

“It’s about damn time, I thought you forgot about me.”

“I have to go.”

“Are we doing lunch?”

“No, I can’t. Something has come up.”

Alice could tell that Tina wasn’t as chipper as she was a moment ago. “You okay?”

“I’m not sure. Bette called and I need to meet her. Something is going on with Ange.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not entirely sure. I’ll talk to you later tonight some time.”

“Okay. If you need something let me know.”

“Thanks Al.”

“You’re welcome.”

#

The school bell rang indicating the first lunch hour. It was the first time that Angie had a chance to speak with Nicole, outside of the note sharing.

“You really think the police told your mom?”

“Why else would they have been here?” Angie questioned. “I mean, my mom isn’t someone who gets into trouble with the cops.”

“How do you know?” Nicole asked.

Angie rolled her eyes. “Good grief Nic, it’s my mom. She just wouldn’t.”

“Okay…but if it was about you, don’t you think that she would have pulled you out of class right away?”

Angie opened her locker and put her books inside. She grabbed her English Lit book, closed the door and slumped against the locker. “I’m going to be grounded for the rest of my life.”

Nicole popped three laxatives into her mouth and sipped on her bottle of spring water. “I don’t know Ange, I still don’t think it has anything to do with you.”

Angie would have loved to think that Nicole was right, but given what just occurred the night before, she was highly doubtful that was the case.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor sweet and innocent Angie... it was nice knowing you kid. ;)

CHAPTER 34

I stared at the white swirls the cream made as I stirred it into my cup of coffee. How could Angie have done something like this? It wasn’t until I watched the video tape at the pharmacy, did I allow myself to fully believe what she had done. 

Once the officer said that the item stolen was laxatives, I felt my heart pierce with disappointment, anger, and disbelief. I was horrified by the thought that my daughter not only went against everything we ever taught her, but that the very item that was the focus of her immoral behavior had to do with losing weight.

As I sat in the café, alone with my thoughts, I started to slowly think back to my interaction with Angie. Were there signs? Did I miss them? Was I that consumed with myself over this past year that I failed to take notice of Angie’s struggles? 

I knew that over the last couple of weeks she had become fixated on her weight and making the team. She was extremely fussy about what foods she was going to let herself eat, and complained of…

“Hey,” Tina said. Her presence pulled me from my thoughts.

“Tee.” I rose from my chair. “Do you want to grab a coffee first?”

“No, I couldn’t possibly delay this any longer. What the hell is going on?”

I took a deep breath before I started to explain. My fingers played with the rim of the coffee cup as I nervously reminded Tina of Angie’s strange behavior over the last couple of weeks. “Angie hasn’t been herself…with her obsession over her weight.”

“I know. I’ve been concerned.”

“How long has she been like that? I only noticed it a few weeks ago. I didn’t think anything of it, more than it being typical teenage stuff.”

Tina looked down at the table as she herself started to think back to when she recalled seeing Angie’s behavior begin to change. “I can’t honestly say I noticed much before that.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty sure.”

I inhaled deeply, then slowly released my breath. I felt Tina’s warm palm cover the back of my hand. “Tina, the police came to the school today and told me that Angelica was caught stealing from the SuperDrug Pharmacy last night.”

Tina cringed. “Last night? But she was –“

“No, she wasn’t. We thought she was. She must have snuck out. She and Nicole were at the pharmacy. They are both on tape. Angie stole some laxatives and dropped her student I.D. card when she was running out of the store.”

Tina’s face turned red. “Are they sure it was her Bette? How do you –“

I interrupted her sentence. “I saw her on the video tape with my own eyes. It was her Tee.”

“Fuck.” Tina pulled her hand from mine and pushed both through her blonde hair. “Laxatives…”

“Explains why you are going through so much toilet paper.” I felt responsible. In my own way, I felt completely responsible. “I’m sorry…”

Tina opened her eyes that she had closed tightly. I felt them on me, trying to read me. “What are you apologizing for?”

I stared at her. She had to know the level of responsibility I was feeling. Tina wasn’t stupid. Give her a few more minutes and she was sure to understand it.

“Why do you feel accountable for her actions? You didn’t tell her to go in that store and steal. You just gave her money last weekend! I have given her money. There was no need to be stealing a damn thing.” Tina slammed her fist down on the table. “I’m so angry with her Bette.

I remained quiet, reaching across the table and taking hold of Tina’s hands in both of mine. I caressed the back of them with my thumbs, waiting for her to calm. Once she appeared a little more relaxed, I explained my responsibility.

“Don’t Bette. Angie is not a baby anymore. This isn’t about what you are going through right now. She is accountable for her own actions. You never did anything to damage her self esteem. This is something she acquired on her own.”

I couldn’t help but disagree. I knew quite well that Melvin had done a fair job on his own, contributing to my self esteem issues. Why would I have been any different? I explained my views to Tina, who was reluctant to accept them.

“Melvin was an ass. He intentionally inflicted pain on you and Kit. He was a very malicious man. Don’t ever compare yourself to him.”

“I’m not saying that I intentionally did anything, but you cannot ignore the fact that she had seen me doing something unhealthy in order to lose weight. I should have been a better example for her.”

Tina couldn’t deny that Bette’s actions were dangerous, and posed a risk to her own well being. Could it be that Angie felt that going through great lengths to look good was okay because she learned of her mother doing something equally risky? That answer she didn’t have, but neither did Bette. “Bette…don’t beat yourself up about this. We may never know the answer to that. Could it have been some contributing factor? The answer is yes, it could have. However, did you lead her by the hand and tell her to steal?”

“No…no I didn’t.”

“We have two issues here. We have the fact that Angie has very likely been taking laxatives to lose weight, as well as the fact that she was caught stealing. We need to keep the two separate, even though they are linked.” Tina lifted my hand and kissed the back of it. “We’ll get through this, I promise. Can you be at the house when she gets home from school today?”

“I’ll cancel the spinning class I had signed up for.”

“I think it’s important that we be together when we talk to her.”

“I agree.”

“Now…let’s talk about how we will approach this…together.”

#

By the end of the afternoon Angie had several students approach her, inquiring about why the police had been to the school to talk to her mother. Between the interrogations she felt from her peers and the panic that had come from her convincing herself that the police told her mother about the theft, Angie was a mess.

“Do you want a ride home after school?” Tracy offered.

Angie leaned her back against her locker and slowly slid down to the floor. She buried her face in her hands.

“Angie, don’t cry.” Tracy kneeled down and placed her hand on her friends shoulder. “I’m sure that the kids will forget all about the drama by tomorrow.”

“I’m so embarrassed.”

“They don’t know the details. As far as they know the cops were here just to see your mom.”

Angie looked up, the tears streamed down her face. “That’s better? That they think my mom is some criminal or something?”

“Look, I’m just saying that no one knows anything. The only people that know what happened is you, Nic and me. None of us are going to say anything.”

“Still…I feel horrible. My mom’s are going to kill me.”

“I doubt they will kill you. They’ll probably be pretty pissed off for sure, but they won’t kill you.”

“Don’t be so sure.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I always enjoy your comments as they bring a smile. Enjoy....

CHAPTER 35

I drove back to work, knowing full well that my afternoon would be as ineffective as I felt I was as a parent.

When I arrived at the school, I walked towards my office with one thing on my mind, my daughter. I failed to notice most of the people who I passed, and found it easy to filter the noise that filled a hallway under construction. Closing the office door behind me allowed separation from the rest of the world, even if my problems remained in seclusion with me.

I cancelled all meetings that afternoon, and spent a full hour leaning back against my leather chair, hoping to find something valuable that I could say to my daughter later on. I started taking a closer look at myself. It was so easy for an outsider to disagree with how I saw myself. I could hear Tina tell me a million times how great I looked, how sexy and attractive. Yet, beyond the audible, I had a hard time embracing what her eyes saw. How could I stand in a mirror and see the same person, and have such a different feeling? How was it that I could dismiss her opinion, feeling it was less genuine and had less substance than my own? She loved me. Did that love help or hurt me when it came to believing if what she said was true, or perhaps a smudge of mistruth because she didn’t want to hurt me…because…she loved me. Could it be that Angelica was feeling the same thing when it came to my words of affirmation towards her? Did she too find it just as difficult? If I expected it to be okay that I not accept Tina’s reinforcement, because I differed in opinion of myself, then how could I expect Angie to embrace my words as having substance.

I reached for the phone and called my therapist, hoping to have an opportunity to stop in and speak with her before the family meeting this afternoon. The receptionist transferred me to Bonnie’s office, the relief settled in the moment she answered the phone.

“Dr. Bonnie Sullivan.”

“Bonnie, it’s Bette Porter.”

“Bette, hey. Hold on one minute.”

I listened to a bit of classical music as I waited on hold, my fingers crossed while I hoped the answer to my question would please me once it was posed.

“Sorry about that Bette. What can I do for you?”

“I know it’s a really long shot, but I was hoping to get in and see you this afternoon.”

“Ouch. My appointment book has been filled this week.”

“Full moon?” I asked, hoping to buy a little more time for her to double check.

“Yeah, that and the economy. If things stay like this I’ll have job security for life.”

“Everyone will need to get their brain squeezed.” I heard her flip a page. “I found out that Angie was caught stealing last night.”

“Really? That’s surprising. You haven’t mentioned having any problems with her.”

“No…no I haven’t.” Angie was always a good kid, and it was true that she seldom came up in any of my sessions. “She stole laxatives.”

I felt the silence form immediately before Bonnie cut through it. “I can fit you in at 2:15pm.”

“I’ll be there. Thanks Bonnie.”

“You’re welcome Bette.”

I shut the phone off and placed it back on the charger. I hated the idea that I needed to depend on my therapist for some direction, but it was my daughter, and I had to be sure that the direction I took was the right one. I only hoped that the professional opinion at least partially supported what Tina and I had already discussed concerning how we would approach Angie.

#

Angie remained on the floor, unwilling to attend the next class. Tracy continued to do her best to ease Angie’s mind.

“Angie, I think your mom’s are really cool. I don’t know your other mom that well, but the one you live with has really been nice to me. To say you think you are dead meat is pretty harsh don’t you think?”

It was true that her mom’s were pleasant to her friends, but it would be a whole different thing when it came to Angie doing something wrong. “It’s just so messed up.”

“I know it is. I hate to say I told you so, but I did. I worry a lot about Nic. She is in such a bad place right now Angie. Haven’t you even noticed how sick she looks?”

“She looks good though. No doubt she will make the basketball team with no problem.”

“It isn’t just about looking good on the outside Angie. You have to be in shape to make the team. Most afternoons Nic looks so drained because she isn’t eating well and is popping those damn pills like candy.”

Angie didn’t say a word. She and Tracy disagreed on the subject of fitness. In Angie’s mind fitness equaled thin. 

“Come on, we need to get into Barker’s class or he’ll have a fit!” Tracy extended a hand to her friend and guided her to her feet. 

#

Bonnie glanced at the notes in front of her one last time before she removed her glasses and placed them on the desk. “Bette, it’s time you face your own demons in order to help Angelica face hers.”

The words cut like a knife. I looked from the glasses to her face, when our eyes locked. I felt the honesty and urgency in them, and though it would be hard I couldn’t keep going down the path I was currently on. I had Tina back in my life which provided me with more substance and depth than anything I had known in a long time. She accepted me for all that I was and can be. It was time to do the work, even if it would hurt like hell in the process. When it came to my daughter there wasn’t a thing I wouldn’t do, including uncovering those things in my life I kept hidden for too long.

“You understand the necessity of doing so right?” Bonnie urged on, knowing that my silence was indicative of my avoiding.

I cleared my throat then spoke from my heart. “I have never been ready to lose that part of me I felt I have had the most control over, even if in a twisted way I never really had it. I just find it hard to be good enough. I look at myself and I don’t see what others see. I don’t want Angie to start on this same road, and I can’t help but feel that I failed her in some way now that she has taken those first steps.”

Bonnie twisted the end of the pen in her mouth, contemplating each candid word. “I’ve been giving some thought to the bulimia, and I’m not sure that the bulimia is the only illness present Bette.”

I felt my face flush from instant fear. Another illness? I couldn’t imagine what she was referring to. “I don’t understand?” The question rolled off my tongue instantaneously. 

“Have you ever heard of Body Dysmorphic Disorder?”


	36. Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

I could hardly repeat the word in my head let alone know what it was. “I can’t say I have.”

“The DSM-IV-TR that we use as our reference to measure the criteria lists two issues. One is that the person have a preoccupation with an imagined defect in appearance. Now this would also apply to a slight physical anomaly in which the person’s concern is markedly excessive. The second part is that the preoccupation causes significant distress or impairment.”

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as I attempted to construct a defense. “That isn’t me.”

Bonnie raised a brow. “When I look back over your records, I can’t help but consider it as a primary diagnosis and the bulimia a secondary means to accomplish that better image you have in your head.”

“I honestly have felt I needed to lose weight, and I don’t think –“

Bonnie interrupted me before I could finish my sentence. “Relationships between the two are real, and persons with the two are convinced that their obsessive beliefs are accurate and with cause.”

I was already trying to embrace the fact that I was a bulimic. How on earth was I going to comprehend that I could be suffering from two disorders at the same time?

“Bette, there are studies which have been done that show a significant overlap between BDD and eating disorders. The most striking is the similarity in body image distortion. It isn’t a death sentence. With the proper treatment you can be in recovery, and not just for a short time, but for a long time.”

I couldn’t help but think back to my childhood. I was so angry with my father. I was angry by the disruption he made in my life through his selection of words. “How do I eradicate everything I was ever told as a child by my father? How do I do that Bonnie? All the therapy in the world can’t erase the past.”

“No Bette it cannot. Therapy is not about erasing the past, but putting the past in a proper perspective and with the right therapy, providing a healthy future. For some reason, whether it was from the damaging words your father used, which in your case could have been the force, you have placed a great amount of value on your attractiveness and beauty. Most people who develop BDD often hold attractiveness as their primary value, meaning that their self esteem is heavily focused around the idea that if their appearance is defective, then they are worthless.”

“Why is that? What makes that happen in some people and not in others?”

“The jury is still out on that one, but in many cases parents offered positive reinforcement in a child’s overall appearance more than for their behavior. Another is that they were criticized or teased for their appearance which created feelings of disgust, shame and anxiety about their image or certain parts of themselves.”

“Melvin.” I sighed at the realization. No doubt my father held a lot of responsibility in how I viewed myself. “What about Angie?”

“I think in order to help Angie, you need to be prepared to help yourself. I would have to do an assessment with Angie to determine whether she is simply symptomatic of an eating disorder or whether she in fact has one already. As for BDD, again I can’t say for sure without seeing her. With you, I think I will begin working on treating you for BDD with a cognitive-behavioral approach in which I can help prevent some of the checking responses and such.”

“Checking responses?”

“That is an approach where psychologists work on preventing the need to check the mirror and repeated self examination of the imaginary defect.”

I pushed my fingers through my hair. I felt extremely defeated by the fact I had two major issues with my own health to deal with, and more importantly that of my daughter. Not to mention the fact that I had to deal with the theft and make sure that Tina and I continued to stay on the same page. It was going to be hard, for I had a different view of Angie’s delinquency. “I need some guidance now on how I approach my daughters stealing, without adding more to what she is dealing with right now.”

Bonnie sensed the stress that was building. “It’s a fine line Bette. It is two issues, her eating disorder and the stealing, but the eating disorder and her strong view of her body image has obviously compounded the situation which prompted her to do something she may not normally have ever done.”

“Exactly, and that is my concern. I feel horrible punishing her for something that she did, if in fact she has an eating disorder. How can I hold her accountable?”

“What does Tina think about that?”

“We both had lunch and discussed it, and I agreed that it was separate and that it should be dealt with separately, but I can’t help but think I may be dealing with it wrong. I don’t know Bonnie, I can’t take the chance of doing something wrong right now and fucking up Angie’s life even more.”

Bonnie squinted her eyes as she focused on me. “You didn’t mess up Angie’s life Bette. While her delinquent behavior may be linked to her eating disorder, it still does not justify it…keep that in mind. If you and Tina agreed on a certain approach, then you should maintain that approach regardless of where you feel you are personally with your own illness. It’s true that you may have a different view and deeper insight into what may have motivated her behavior, it still does not make it right to reinforce her actions by avoiding punishment.”

Bonnie was right. This session was exhausting to say the least, but by the end there was no doubt in my mind how necessary it was that I had seen her before going to the house and facing Angelica.

#

Angie felt like she hadn’t breathed the whole ride from school to her home. Tracy did her best to reassure her friend that Bette and Tina were really cool parents, and while they may be quite upset by what the cop probably had said, she was loved by both of them and that was what mattered most.

“I can’t believe Nicole is so naïve!” Angie’s random complaint broke the silence in the car as they got closer to home.

“What do you mean?” Tracy asked.

“Well she kept telling me that just because the cops came to the school to talk to my mother, that it may not have to do with me. Seriously Trace, if they wanted to talk to my mom they would have probably gone to her job or something.”

“Yeah but Nic hasn’t been herself at all these days. She’s lucky she remembers who she is.”

Angie looked at her friend. “She isn’t doing drugs or anything like that is she?”

“No…worse.”

“Worse?”

“She has an eating disorder.”

Angie stared at her friend, whose eyes remained focused on the traffic as she waited to make a turn onto Angie’s street.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, alright....here is another. Why am I sooooo generous with you gals? ;)

CHAPTER 37 

Tina handed Bette a cup of coffee before taking a seat on the sofa beside her. “Was that a scheduled appointment with Bonnie?”

I traced the rim of the cup with my fingertip. “No...no it wasn’t. I was feeling like I was lacking some direction with this whole thing.”

Tina appeared confused. “But we had spoken only a few hours earlier, in the café. I thought we were pretty solid about how we were going to approach this.”

I could feel her disappointment that I appeared to have questioned the content of our discussion earlier that day. “Please don’t misunderstand Tee, it wasn’t that I needed to confirm what we had agreed to. I just started to feel more and more responsible...” I raised my hand to hold her from interrupting. “…I know you said that I shouldn’t be going there, but alone with my thoughts at the school this afternoon, I couldn’t help but feel that I may have messed up.”

Tina began to interject, ‘Bette.”

“Please Tina…please just let me finish.”

“I’m sorry…go ahead.”

“I began regressing to my own life with a parent who was both non-involved, and when he was, it wasn’t as positive of an experience as it could have been. As my mind thought of all the times I had not been involved in Angelica’s life, I began to worry that maybe there was something there…something that I contributed to. I couldn’t take the risk that one wrong word…one wrong approach could just fuck her up for the rest of her life.”

How could Tina possibly be upset with Bette? She wasn’t questioning their approach, just needing a little more reassurance and confidence. She lacked more in that area due to the fact her own eating disorder wasn’t in remission yet. 

I searched Tina’s eyes as I held the coffee cup steady. “Do you understand? It was about me…not you…not us. I needed an impartial party to tell me that I hadn’t done anything wrong, or…that…that maybe I did.”

“Did Bonnie help you find the answers you were seeking?”

I confirmed with a nod. 

“That’s all that matters then.” Tina placed her hand on the top of my leg. “Are you okay?”

“I am. It was a really hard session. When we get beyond this I’ll tell you more about it.”

#

Angie knew it was bad when she observed Bette’s car in the driveway this early in the day. She remembered that Bette had mentioned a number of meetings she was meant to be attending when she first asked her to speak at her school. Surely this wasn’t a very good sign that her mother wasn’t at work.

Before turning the knob to the front door, Angie took a deep breath. She felt the tears come and try as she may, she couldn’t prevent herself from becoming emotional. A part of her wanted to bolt back down the driveway and chase Tracey’s car, even though it was well out of sight; another part wanting to get this over with.

The choice was to stay on the step the rest of the afternoon until Bette got tired of waiting and then left, or to go in and face the consequences. In her heart, she knew that it would be worse if she caused her parents any more alarm by not coming right home after school. She turned the knob and opened the front door. It was best to get this over with sooner than later.

As she walked down the short hall to the kitchen she heard her parents’ voices filtering from the living room. As she turned the corner, making her way into the kitchen, she found them sitting on the sofa. The moment they turned their heads, she felt the heat rise in her face.

Angie stood frozen in one place, unable to talk or even move. Though she was certain they both knew, she also wasn’t prepared to rush into the living room and begin laying down a bunch of admissions.

“Ange, Momma B and I would like to talk with you. Would you please join us in the living room here?” Tina’s voice was even and unemotional.

I watched as our daughter walked tentatively into the room. By the expression on her face, which matched the inquisitive yet fearful one she had when I returned to the classroom after speaking with the police, I had a feeling she knew what this meeting was about.

Angie remained quiet as she took a seat parallel to the sofa.

“I’m sure you know the police were at the school talking to Momma B today.”

Angie nodded in agreement, her eyes glancing between both parents.

“Do you know why they were there?” Tina wasn’t going to make this easy.

Angie couldn’t believe that her mom was asking her such a question. She was prepared to walk in and feel the wrath of both of them instantaneously. This interrogation was more like a slow torture. “Um…no…not exactly.”

“No idea why they might have come to speak with her?” Tina urged.

Angie’s eyes turned to me. I was sitting back allowing Tina to set the tone which we had agreed on. At the same time this was occurring, it was very difficult remaining firm while my heart was aching for the pain I knew Angelica was feeling. I had to keep the theft and her eating issues separate. I was the first to tell Tina that it should be that way, and logically I understood why we needed to do so, but making my emotions understand it was more difficult than I anticipated.

“Maybe…” Angie’s reply was soft and weak.

“Maybe what?”

Angie clammed up.

“Were you at the pharmacy last night?”

Angie swallowed hard. No doubt about why the cops were at the school now. The question was how did they end up finding out it was her? 

“Before you answer, remember that in this family we have always promoted strong values. Honesty is at the top.”

Angie hesitated a moment, knowing that if she dug the hole deeper by lying it was only going to be ten times worse. Then again, what could be more worse than her parents killing her?

“Angie…” I inflected a tone which encouraged her to provide a truthful answer.

Angie nodded, establishing that she was there.

I looked at Tina, who was beginning to show some emotion herself. “I think you probably know where we are going with this then.” 

I watched as Angie nervously wiped the palms of each hand across the top of her jeans. “Ange…the police told me that the pharmacist had seen you stealing last night.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Angie... Poor Bette... Boy what a drama driven author huh? ;) Enjoy...

CHAPTER 38

Angie’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry mom.”

Though she seemed to be extending her apology more to me than Tina, it was Tina who jumped in before I could say anything. In a small way I was relieved, for I knew I was having a hard time remaining firm.

“Have we not taught you proper values?” Tina folded her arms. “When Momma B called me today, to tell me the police had gone to the school to report you had shoplifted, I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. I kept asking if she was sure that it was you.”

“Mom and I have both given you money Angie. Why would you ever feel you had to steal something?” I knew the answer to my inquisition, but felt I needed to hear it from my daughter.

“I didn’t have the money. I had already spent it.”

Tina felt herself getting more upset with what she viewed as Angie beginning to justify her actions. “So because you spent all your money, you think it’s right to rip off someone else?”

“No.”

“Your damn right it isn’t.”

I placed my hand on Tina’s back, hoping the contact would be enough to calm her down.

“I said I was sorry.”

“That’s not good enough. If I don’t have money, or Momma B doesn’t have money, do you think we go and steal what we want or need?”

“No.”

“Then why on earth did you do so?”

“I don’t know mom,” Angie said in haste. “I just needed to have them.”

At this point, Angie was unaware that her parents knew what it was she had stolen. She was careful not to offer it herself, but soon realized even the little she had revealed may have been too much information.

“That brings us to a whole other discussion.”

“What does?” Angie wondered how there could be a whole other discussion awaiting her.

I scooted forward a little bit so I was seated towards the edge of the sofa. “Angie, we know you stole laxatives last night.”

#

“Are you going to finish your fries?” Shane asked.

Alice sucked as much ice cream through the straw that she could. “No, I’m done.”

Shane reached across the table and brought a fry to her mouth. “So…tell me something.”

“What?”

“Why have you had that shit ass grin on your face since we met up here?”

“Who me?”

“No, the dude sitting behind you over there.”

Alice turned around, more out of reaction than anything else. “You’re an idiot”

“No I’m not…seriously….what gives?”

Alice tilted the plastic cup so she could see the bottom, then began picking at the solid piece of ice cream with her straw. “Well…I kind of promised not to say anything…”

Shane dipped a fry in mound of ketchup and laughed. “That never stopped you from squealing before.”

“Shut it.”

Shane continued to laugh. “Ha-Ha, well it’s true!”

“I’m not going to say a thing then.” Alice returned the straw to her mouth and began drinking her milkshake once more.

“Come on…you have to at least give me a hint.”

Alice’s eyes twinkled as she smiled. “Alright…a little one. It’s about Bette and Tina.”

Shane stopped chewing the french fry. “Huh?”

“That’s all you get.”

“No way. You can’t just give me that much and nothing more!”

Alice looked around the Ice Cream Shoppe before leaning in. “They are getting back together.”

“WHAT?!” Shane was elated. “Really? Are you sure? How do you know?”

“Hold on and let me answer one question at a time. Yes, really. Yes I am sure. I know because Tina told me today.”

“Hot damn. That is so fucking awesome!”

“I know. I KNOW!” Alice shouted, joining Shane’s excitement.

“When did this happen? I didn’t know they were anywhere close to reconciling.”

“I wish I had more information. I was hoping that Tee could have met up with us, but she said that something important had come up with Angie and she and Bette had to meet to discuss it.”

“Something with Ange?”

“Yeah.”

“I hope it’s not too serious.”

“Me either.”

#

Angie hadn’t given any thought to the fact that her parent’s would be told what was stolen. The only thing which plagued her mind all day was the fact that the police had come to rat her out. The details…that was something she didn’t give consideration.

“Now before Momma T and I begin to discuss why you are taking laxatives, we are going to put the first part of this discussion to rest. As Momma T had explained, we do not condone dishonesty, stealing, or any of the other hundred things we have taught you. What you did was incredibly irresponsible, and goes against everything we believe in. You understand this right?”

Angie nodded in agreement, feeling worse that Bette was the parent stressing her disappointment. She was accustomed to batting heads with Tina, but her Momma B was always a little different. Whether it was because she only saw her on weekends or not, the relationship they shared was based more on the happy and good moments than the more serious ones.

“Momma T and I both gave a lot of thought to your punishment, and we feel that what we had decided on was appropriate considering the seriousness of what you did.”

Angie waited for Bette to continue, avoiding eye contact at all cost.

“For starters, the money you earn from chores this week will go directly to the pharmacy to pay for what you stole. We both will bring you there on Saturday, and you will make restitution to the store manager in person.”

“Me?”

“Yes you,” Tina confirmed.

“That is going to be so embarrassing, can’t I just give you the money and you give it to him?” Angie directed her question to Bette. The history of their relationship showed she always had a better chance of achieving sympathy from her more than Tina.

“No Angie, this is something you need to do yourself. You want to be treated like an adult, and this is one way of acting like one.”

“But Momma B, it’s embarrassing.”

“So was my getting pulled out of the classroom this morning by two police officers Angie.”

“Haven’t I had enough embarrassment today? The whole school is talking about it already!” Angie’s emotions were escalating.

“That may be true, but you are responsible for that young lady,” Tina stepped in. “If you didn’t break the law last night, the police would not have been there today would they?”

Angie glared at Tina. She was annoyed with Tina’s lack of understanding when it came to her feelings. She quickly turned to her other mother.

“In addition, no cell phone for the next week, or internet.”

The moment the details of the punishment left Bette’s lips, Angie began crying uncontrollably. Her tears were mixed with firm and passionate opposition as she voiced her objections.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rutroooo.... the poop might hit the fan...

CHAPTER 39

The moment Tina tried to admonish Angie’s uncontrolled behavior, she was met with a sharp tongue from her daughter.

“This is bullshit!” Angie stood from the chair, prepared to walk out of the room.

“Angelica!” I dug my heels in as I rose from the sofa. “Don’t you dare walk away from us.”

“So what? What are you both going to do about it? You’ve already taken nearly everything away from me!” Angie screamed back, folding her arms in resistance to the authority which was standing before her.

“Angie, sit back down.” Tina’s voice was stern. “This doesn’t need to escalate any further. You did something wrong, you know your punishment, and unless you want to add to it, I would suggest you take a seat so we can move to the other part of the discussion we want to have with you.”

Tina looked between her daughter and Bette. While Angie stood in one place, arms folded and eyes staring angrily at her Momma B, Bette had each of her hands on her hips and standing unyielding as her eyes locked with her daughters. 

“Maybe I don’t want to have a discussion with either of you.” Her bottom lip quivered as she continued glaring at Bette. It was obvious she was not only upset by her punishment, but the fast realization she no longer held an ability to manipulate any one parent, particularly the one which was staring her down.

“You will sit down, and you will at the very least listen.” I had never come across so firm with Angie. As the young teen hesitated to comply, she was met with an arched brow followed by more information on how bad things could get. “This can get far worse than you think young lady.”

“Yeah right,” Angie said as she dropped her body back to the chair, keeping her arms folded.

I couldn’t believe our daughter’s defiance. “If you think being without a computer and phone for one week is terrible, then how would you like to be without it for a month?” 

“You wouldn’t.”

“Do you want to take a chance and find out?”

Tina was impressed. If there were any doubts about whether she and Bette could blend their parenting styles, they were instantly obliterated. It had been an extensive passage getting to a place where Angie couldn’t play one against the other, and this revelation was letting itself be known in this ongoing heated debate.

I waited a few more seconds before returning to the sofa. “Now, before we even begin to discuss the next thing, I want you to apologize to both of us for your behavior.”

Angie’s nostrils were in a rhythm of expanding and contracting as her emotions remained high. Her eyes remained fixated in a defiant stare.

“I won’t ask a second time.”

Angie stayed quiet, continuing to challenge her mother’s request. 

I looked at Tina who offered an expression that said this behavior wasn’t that unusual, then returned my eyes to Angelica. “You’re making it very difficult not to add to your punishment.”

“I’m sorry...okay?” The response was both antagonistic and insincere.

“Two weeks!” I said angrily.

“I hate you! I hate you both!” Angie ran from the living room as Tina yelled after her to get her butt back in the living room. The response to her instructions was met with a loud slamming of the bedroom door. 

“Dammit!” Tina rose from the sofa and was met quickly by Bette’s hand grabbing hold of her arm.

“No. Tina, no matter what we say or how much we punish her right now, it isn’t going to do a thing.”

“She can’t think she can get away with running out of the room without us being through with the discussion Bette.”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “Please…just let it go this time.”

“Bette, I think it sets the wrong tone.” Tina could see from the look in the brunettes face that she wasn’t going to find it easy to influence her.

“Tee,” I offered gently. “The discussion about laxatives and why she is taking them is going to be a very difficult one…for everyone. We can’t approach her about something that we need her full attention for…to really listen if she is in this state of mind. I feel it’s best to give her some space to calm down. Let the punishment settle in a little bit, and when she is less emotional we can address our concerns.”

Tina exhaled the breath she had taken in. Bette was right, and though unusual, Tina was happy to agree with her. Their approach might be different at times, but what was going to make a successful partnership and family was an ability to look beyond ones own opinion to embrace a different one. “I suppose you’re right. It would make sense that she isn’t going to listen to a damn thing right now.”

I smiled as I rubbed the small part of Tina’s back where my hand had been resting. “Thank you. Perhaps we can make dinner and after we all eat, we can then talk with her.”

Tina nodded in agreement, then turned to rest her head against Bette’s shoulder. The arms that surrounded her offered a sense of security and reassurance that things would get better.


	40. Chapter 40

CHAPTER 40

As Tina began seasoning the fish, Bette started putting together a mozzarella and tomato salad.

“This is nice.” I said quietly.

“Pardon?”

“Us…preparing a dinner together. It feels like old times.”

Tina smiled. It did feel nice. Though she had helped Bette prepare a salad at the recent cookout at her house, this was different. “I know what you mean. I’ve missed some of your idiosyncrasies.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the remark. “Come on now…that can’t be the only thing you missed.”

Tina remained quiet as her smile tightened harder.

“On second thought, what kind of quirks are you talking about?” I sampled a small piece of mozzarella before I crossed my arms and leaned back against the counter.

Tina closed the oven door, wiped her hands and walked over to Bette. She placed both of her hands on each side of Bette’s waist and began telling her the little things she found peculiar yet funny all the same. 

As Tina and Bette laughed at the few quirks which Tina mentioned, they both started to feel more relaxed following what had been a rather tenuous afternoon.

“Alright, alright I get it.” I tried to avoid any further examples of my cooking funnies.

“No wait, one more.”

“No way,” I said as I brought my index finger to Tina’s mouth in an attempt to shush her.

“Please,” Tina pleaded.

I could help but roll my eyes. “Fine, one last one.”

Tina gave Bette a quick kiss, then pulled back in excitement as she prepared her next illustration. “This one I just love. When you are making something which requires you to boil pasta. If it says boil six cups of water, you actually use a measuring cup and put exactly six cups of water.” Tina started to giggle as she went on illustrating. “…and….oh gosh, I’m sorry babe…I can’t help it.”

“Come on, it’s not that funny.”

“Oh but it is. I mean, if it were rice or something that must evaporate into the meal it’s one thing. It’s only on the box as six cups so that someone who has no clue how to cook doesn’t put like half a cup of water in a pot to cook a pound of pasta. You can eye it just fine.”

“I like to follow the instructions.”

Tina took a few steps back as she continued to laugh rather rowdily at the memories. 

“Tee, it’s really not that humorous.”

When Tina failed to stop laughing, I grabbed hold of the dish towel, wound it up and snapped it fast towards Tina’s ass.

“Hey, watch it Porter!”

“Watch it huh? Oh, I’m watching it Kennard.”

“Bette! You play nice,” Tina warned just before grabbing hold of the towel from my hand. “Speaking of playing nice…how would you like to be on the receiving end of this spanking?”

I arched both my brows. “A little rough never hurt no one.”

Tina shook her head. “Gosh you have a way of turning everything to dirt.”

I called a truce then gently retrieved the dish towel from Tina’s hands and placed it on the counter. “I could get used to this,” I said as I wrapped my hands around Tina’s waist. “I mean…really get used to this.”

Tina looked into the honest eyes which had been scanning her own. The window’s to ones soul. If she were reading Bette’s heart…her soul…her entire being…it said that this woman wanted forever. Tina’s eyes slowly dropped to Bette’s lips. As she slowly brought her mouth to Bette’s, she closed her eyes.

I couldn’t deny how exhilarating it was to experience even so much as a slightest touch when it was delivered from this woman. It was like falling in love all over again, and wonderful was an understatement.

If it weren’t for a more serious agenda expected to take place later that evening, both women would have postponed dinner in order to share some intimate time alone.

Tina reluctantly broke the kiss, then wiped some residual lipstick from Bette’s upper lip with her thumb.

“Leaving your mark again?” I asked with a smile.

“Always baby.” Tina turned from Bette and retrieved two wine glasses from the cupboard. “Would you like to sit in the living room? I’d like to talk about your appointment with Bonnie…if you don’t mind.”

I knew that I would feel better sharing what occurred during my session, but at the same time I had been enjoying this lighter moment with Tina.

Tina looked back towards Bette as she retrieved a cork screw from the drawer. “Do you not want to?”

“It’s okay. I know it’s better if I get it off my shoulders anyway.” I slipped my hands in my front pockets. “It was a pretty hard session.”

“I kind of got that feeling.” Tina handed Bette the cork screw. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.”

As Tina watched Bette remove the cork, she couldn’t help but notice how fragile Bette appeared. She was extremely thin, and her eyes tired. This eating disorder was kicking her ass, and Tina could see it. “Did you puke today?”

The question came out of nowhere, and wasn’t something which I had prepared to hear. “Nothing like beating around the bush huh?”

“I’m sorry. I was just wondering how you have been doing with it. You’ve been under so much stress these days.”

“I did okay,” I quickly replied, hoping to avoid providing details as I poured some wine into each glass.

“What does that mean?” 

“I haven’t had it under complete control yet, but I’m doing better.” I handed Tina a glass, then began walking towards the living room. 

Once they both settled on the sofa, Tina encouraged Bette to lay her head on her lap. “Come here.”

I took my shoes off then laid on the sofa, placing my head on Tina’s lap. The nails which quickly met my scalp, sent goose bumps throughout my body. I sighed against Tina’s legs, appreciating the comfort that engulfed me.

“Talk to me about today babe.”

“Have you ever heard of Body Dysmorphic Disorder?”

It was a word that Tina wasn’t familiar with. “I can’t say I have. What is it?”

“Well…” I began what would end up being a half hour long discussion. The moment the oven timer sounded, indicating the dinner was now ready, we both agreed we would talk a little more later that evening when Angie went to bed.

Tina wasn’t as surprised as Bette thought she would be. Once she heard the description and symptoms of the illness, she easily accepted it as something Bette likely had going as far back as to when they were seeing one another the first time around.

“Can you call up to Angie and tell her dinner is ready?”

I rose from the sofa. “I sure can.”

“Thanks.”

While Tina brought the pan of baked fish to the table, I stood at the bottom of the stairs and called up to Angie, asking that she come downstairs to join them at the dinner table.

Bette and Tina waited for their daughter to join them at the dinner table. Ten minutes had gone by since Bette told Angie to come downstairs. The hesitation bothered Bette. “Maybe I should go up and see what’s going on.”

As Bette pushed her chair from the table, Angie came around the corner. Her eyes were swollen from the tears she had shed, and her demeanor a quiet one…quite contrary to what she had displayed earlier that evening. She took a seat at the table, reluctant to make eye contact with either one of her mother’s. It surprised both Bette and Tina when she showed no objection to what Tina was placing on her plate.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angie...gotta love her right? Makes those of us without kids just want to run out and have one or adopt one! LOL

CHAPTER 41

Dinner had been a quiet one. Angie wasn’t hungry, and it showed with the amount of food that had remained on her plate after everyone was through. Her parents weren’t sure if the lack of appetite was a sign of the potential eating disorder they feared, or just the emotions of the evening. 

Following the conversation that Bette and Tina had shared about Bette’s recent diagnosis with BDD, Tina felt slightly overwhelmed at the thought that the two people she loved more than life itself were dealing with such difficult issues. She understood that no matter how much she loved them both, that they would need to be the ones to do the work, and what she could offer to them was support.

Tina looked from Bette to Angie, then back to Bette hoping that she would get the hint that their discussion should begin sooner than later.

Bette asked Angie to help clear the table and fill the dishwasher before all three eventually found a place to sit in the living room. 

Angie sat nervously in the overstuffed chair across from her parents. She was quiet, but didn’t seem nearly as frustrated and belligerent as she was earlier.

“Angie, your mother and I want to talk about the items which you had taken from the pharmacy.” Angie looked down at her lap, avoiding eye contact as I continued. “Obviously you can imagine how concerned we are to learn that you are taking laxatives.”

“Who said I was the one actually swallowing them?“

“Lying will get you in a lot more trouble than you already are,” Tina warned.

“Boo, it’s important that there be honesty between us. It concerns both your mom and I as to what we perceive to be the reason why you decided to take laxatives.”

Angie remained silent. She wasn’t going to offer much to the conversation. She was one stubborn little girl, and as much as I recognized a level of stubbornness in my own self, I couldn’t believe how much it existed in my daughter.

Tina hoped to reach Angie and avoid a conversation that would become hostile like the previous one. She tried hard to keep her own mind focused on the topic of a possible eating disorder and not the theft as she moved the conversation. “We know you have been really concerned about making the basketball team, which is why we have a feeling that you were maybe taking these pills to help you feel like you would be in shape more when it was time for try outs.” 

“It won’t matter.” A tear rolled down Angie’s face. “I’m never going to get on the team. Try outs are in a few days. I look like crap.”

“Angie you don’t look like crap. There is much more to making a basketball team than about appearance. It has to do with skill and ability more than anything else. However, you have it in your head that it is all about who looks the best in a tank and shorts.” It was clear to me how Angie could have easily began developing an eating disorder with a self image as low as the one she had. “You’re a beautiful young girl.”

“I haven’t been on a date yet! How is that beautiful?”

“That’s a whole other thing,” I reasoned, happy I didn’t need to begin worrying about that set of teen issues just yet. “When the time is right, you will go on a date with someone special.”

“Right.”

“Don’t rush it Angie. Momma B is right, when the time is right it will happen.”

So far Angie wasn’t offering much dialogue when it came to the pills, so I decided to push a little more. “How long have you been taking the pills?”

Angie contemplated lying by saying she didn’t steal the pills for herself. However, she knew that her mom’s were too clever for that, and so she crumbled. “Not long.”

“What does that mean?” I encouraged. “A few months…weeks?”

“Maybe a week.”

The admission relieved both Bette and Tina. Angie wasn’t taking laxatives for very long, so they were hopeful it hadn’t done much damage to her body. “Can you tell us in your own words why you were taking them?” Tina asked.

“I want to be skinny. I want to look good. Nicole looks so great. She gets on the team nearly every time she tries out.”

Tina didn’t feel that Nicole had been looking so healthy, particularly over the summer when she and Angie would go swimming at the pool club. “I don’t feel she has been looking well at all. Tell me something, is Nicole taking laxatives too?”

Angie wouldn’t provide a reply, so I decided to urge her on. “It’s important that you tell us what is going on with your friends. As your parents, we have the right to know the type of people you are hanging out with. I saw her on the video…”

“Nicole is my best friend, you know her already.” Angie wasn’t happy that her parents were questioning anything about Nicole.

“We know she is your best friend. I’ve nearly watched her grow up with you,” Tina said, hoping to remind Angie that she also has Nicole’s best interest in mind. “I wouldn’t want to see her walking down a path of destruction.”

“How long as she been taking laxatives Angie?” The question from me came across more as a statement than an inquiry.

Angie knew she had little wiggle room, but still she failed to rat out her friend.

“Well, perhaps Momma B and I need to visit Nicole’s parents and ask them if they are aware that her daughter was in the pharmacy stealing laxatives as well.” Tina’s attempt to draw dialogue from her daughter worked.

“That’s not fair. Why do you want to go and get her in trouble?”

“It isn’t about getting her in trouble. It’s about us being able to understand what is going on.”

Angie remained quite reluctant to offer anything more than what her parents were already aware of.

“Angie…if Nicole is doing something that is just as unhealthy, it’s very important that we know. Do you understand how dangerous it is to take laxatives?” I hoped I would be able to convince Angie that honesty was very important at this time. “Teens have been known to die because of diet supplements, laxatives, and all the other unhealthy means they take on to lose weight.”

“Like puking up your food?” Angie’s quick response came out like a knife. She wasn’t going to let her mother preach about something that she too was involved in.

My jaw tightened as I closed my eyes tight. The honesty was hard to swallow.


	42. Chapter 42

CHAPTER 42

Just as Tina was about to lay into Angie, Bette raised her finger in an attempt to prevent the onslaught of words which were sure to come from the protective blonde. 

I turned back towards Angie, exhaling the breath I had just taken in. “You know what? You are absolutely right.” 

Angie was surprised at the stable and calm response that came from Bette. 

"I more than anyone else know how dangerous and destructive an eating disorder can be. What I was doing to my body was terrible. I lost five teeth over the last few years because the acid from my stomach rotted them. I have used up more sick days at work than I should have because of problems which I know was directly related to denying my body of the vitamins that it needs.”

Angie listened...really listened. If her parents didn’t know any better it actually seemed she was interested in what Bette was saying. It would be the first time Bette openly discussed her illness with her daughter, and to some degree it allowed Angie to see her in a whole different light. Bette had always been very strong. It was the first time that her daughter was able to see her mother as having any weakness at all.

“Why did you stay home from work?” Angie asked.

“For a lot of reasons. Some days my stomach ached and was so upset. Other times, I found that I could hardly get myself out of bed because I was tired.” I felt Tina gazing at me as I spoke. 

The honesty of the toll the illness had taken came as a surprise to Tina just as much as Angelica. There would be things shared during this discussion that would open Tina’s eyes even more.

I felt the warmth of Tina’s hand as it pressed against the fabric on my back, offering some encouragement. “My low self esteem came from my childhood. I know where it stemmed from, but I didn’t know how to make it better. I didn’t know how to fix it.”

“Grandpa Melvin,” Angie said softly.

I was surprised that Angie was aware of the impact that Melvin had on my younger life. “What makes you say Grandpa?”

“I know how he is. I’ve heard him make some comments to you.”

I had become so accustomed to Melvin’s criticism, that I hadn’t taken much notice in my adult life. “I didn’t know you were aware of some of the things.”

“He even said things to me.”

Angie’s admission raised the brows on both her mother’s. Bette however was the first to verbally react.

I couldn’t believe what I had heard. “What? What has he said to you?”

“He told me I needed to watch what I ate…that I didn’t want to end up like Auntie Kit.”

I shook her head as I put my hands through my hair. I was extremely angry with my father. It was difficult enough to come to terms with the damage he had done to Kit and I, but to hear that my daughter had become victim to his remarks upset me deeply.

I worked hard to contain her anger before speaking. “Angie, Grandpa Melvin can be an unnecessarily overly critical man. His words towards me, and how I saw him set a tone with Kit as to what was acceptable and what wasn’t when we were growing up, is something which I have learned has been a big contributor to my bulimia and BDD.”

“What’s that?” Angie inquired, having no idea what those initials meant.

The next hour was spent discussing my illness, therapy sessions, and more about the importance of making better health decisions. By the time the discussion came to a close, the atmosphere was a lot more relaxed.

“So, what I was hoping for was that you might come with me to a few sessions with Bonnie.”

“With you?”

“Yeah, we could go together. I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone. I don’t have to stay in the room with you if you don’t want. I have a lot of faith in Bonnie, and I think it would be helpful to you.”

“Do I have to?” Angie asked.

“I think it would be a good idea,” I offered.

“I do to,” Tina added, feeling happy that they seemed to reach Angie. “You and Momma B can make a pact to get better together, and I’ll be here to help you both in any way that I can.”

I placed my hand over Tina’s which had been resting on my leg. “Thank you.” I turned towards Angie, giving her the ‘eye’ to do the same.

“Thanks mom.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Angie, when are try outs for the team?” I asked.

“After school on Monday.”

“Well…that leaves us this weekend to pull it together.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we can play some one on one basketball. Get some Gatorade in us, eat healthy, and do our best to get you ready and in healthy condition for Monday.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Cool.”

“Agreed?” I asked as I extended my hand to Angie for a handshake to seal the deal.

“Agreed.” Angie extended her hand and the deal was made.

“No laxatives,” Tina reminded.

“I know.”

“We love you Boo…don’t ever forget that. Come here and give your ole mother a hug,” I said tenderly.

Angie smiled as she walked from the chair to the sofa, falling into Bette’s embrace. “You’re not that old.”

“Thanks…I think.”

All three girls laughed, before Angie broke free of their embrace. “Mom, are you going to rat out Nicole?”

“About her stealing?”

“Yeah.”

“It isn’t my place to do so. I hope that Nicole will be the one to do that. I have to say, I’m just as disappointed in her.”

It hurt Angie to know that she disappointed her mother’s. The punishment was going to be very hard for her to have to deal with, but the disappointment…that wasn’t only going to be there for two weeks. In her mind, her parent’s disappointment would be with her for a lifetime.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at generous me, another two-for on this Sunday evening.

CHAPTER 43

Later that night, Bette spent a little more time talking with Angie about the routine that they would be partaking in over the next couple of days before try outs. Angie appeared much more enthused and confident as she looked towards Monday afternoon. They would have the weekend to practice and spend some quality time together.

Tina lit the six candles that surrounded the oversized tub in her bathroom. She blew out the flame on the match, and placed the smoking stick on the edge of the porcelain sink. As she began filling the tub, she loosened the furry belt that kept her robe closed. 

“Tee?” I called quietly as I opened the bedroom door.

“I’m running a bath,” Tina replied back.

I closed the bedroom door behind me and walked towards the bathroom. I pushed gently on the partially closed door, finding Tina bent over the bathtub. Her opened robe revealed the curves of her striking and enticing body. I swallowed hard, hoping the saliva would moisten my vocal chords enough to speak. “I…was just coming in to tell you that I was heading out.”

Tina turned towards Bette and reached for her hands. As she held Bette’s hands in her own, she gently rubbed the back of each one with her thumbs. “You don’t have to go. Why don’t you stay? There’s room enough for two,” she glanced at the steam rising from the tub after she made the offer.

“I hadn’t planned on staying. I don’t have any change of clothes with me.”

Tina brought Bette’s hand to her mouth and kissed the back gently. “You won’t need clothes tonight. In the morning, you could just put these clothes back on and stop home to change before work.”

I stared at the blue eyes which were fixed on me. “I don’t have my toothbrush. You know how anal I am about –“

Tina interrupted, “I bought you one.”

“What?”

Tina released Bette’s hands and slid both of hers along the sides of Bette’s face. “I bought you one for here.”

Bette smiled before feeling the familiar lips join her own. The soft skin which pressed against her mouth, matched the gentle rhythm of fingernails that teased the hairline by her ears. The tingles which traveled from her neck down her back couldn’t be denied.

While Bette tried to control the surge of adrenalin that was filling her body, she slowly slipped her hands inside the robe and rested them on Tina’s hips. As their kiss grew in intensity, and their tongues playfully probed and circled the other, she couldn’t refute the sense of need that was mounting. Her breaths became weak, her voice quivered as she whispered affirmations of love, her hands…they took on a life of their own as they slipped from Tina’s waist to the curves of her ass. 

Tina groaned the moment she felt Bette squeeze those muscles. “I want to make love,” she whispered by Bette’s ear just before dropping her robe to the floor. “I want you so much baby.”

Tina started to kiss Bette’s neck, engaging in the one place which was known to weaken Bette’s resolve. As her tongue playfully circled that hot spot, Bette leaned her head in towards Tina’s face, her typical reaction when this sensitive area was stimulated. 

“Mmm,” Bette groaned in response to the assault on her neck. “I…I want to…so much.” Bette’s hands slid up Tina’s back and made a calculated journey to the front of her body. Her thumbs gently grazed the tips of Tina’s nipples, which prompted a throaty moan from the blonde. 

Tina pulled back and dropped her head, watching as Bette’s hands and fingers skillfully hardened each one of her nipples. 

“You’re so hard,” Bette confirmed with her eyes and hands. 

“And tight,” Tina whispered as she looked from her breasts to Bette’s eyes. “How about that bath?”

Bette nodded as she pulled her hands from Tina’s body. Tina helped remove each item of clothing from Bette’s body until they were both standing naked in front of one another. Their gentle kisses and caresses lasted for a few minutes before each one stepped into the tub.

In the past, it was usual for Tina to often lay back against Bette. This time things were notably different. Tina was often taking the lead by allowing Bette the serenity of sinking into the protective arms that would enfold around her. 

Bette rubbed each of Tina’s forearms which surrounded her beneath the water. “This feels amazing,” Bette admitted; her head pressed back against Tina’s shoulder.

The blonde looked down at the woman who she loved so very much. The revelations on this evening scared her, and made her want to take care of Bette more than ever before. She knew that Bette had one of the most emotionally draining days of her life. Between the new diagnosis of BDD and the honest discussion with Angie, her lover needed to be reassured of love, life, and tomorrow.

“I love you Bette,” Tina whispered next to the brunette’s ear.

“I know you do,” I replied, my words permeating the steam which rose between us. “I love you too babe.”

“I want you to really feel it.” Tina said. “I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere…that I plan on making this journey with you.”

I tightened my bottom lip as my brows twisted. I was grateful for the generous sentiment which Tina brought. Now more than any other time I needed to know that Tina would be in this for the long run. I didn’t have it in me to invest myself completely into this relationship once again unless I knew it was what Tina wanted. The next question Tina posed, was enough to convince me how serious Tina’s intentions were for a long term commitment.


	44. Chapter 44

CHAPTER 44 

I wasn’t sure I had heard Tina correctly. “What did you say?”

Tina submerged the bath sponge in the water, then squeezed it just above Bette’s chest. She watched as the water trickled down her skin, making their very own paths along the curves of her body. “I asked if you would consider…living together.”

It was what I had thought I heard, but had not expected to hear such a suggestion coming from Tina. I had been apprehensive about a number of things in this short time of reconciliation, that I was quite surprised to find Tina up for such an arrangement so soon. “Are you sure that is what you want?”

Tina’s hand returned beneath the water to join her other hand around Bette’s waist. “I’ve never been so sure about something that I have ever wanted, than I am at this time.”

I smiled as I leaned my fragile body against Tina’s. The security and safety of the arms which enclosed me, produced a calm and tranquil feeling. “It’s been so long since I entertained the idea of you and I in the same home again.”

Tina tilted her head to take a better look at Bette’s expression, unsure of how her ex was embracing the idea. “Is it too soon? If you would rather wait…”

“No, I don’t think it’s too soon. I think you and I have faced enough obstacles and challenges in our time together, to know faster than most how we can be living in the same home.”

“As long as you are ready Bette. I don’t want to be adding any pressure to your life. You have a lot going on right now.”

I lifted my hand from beneath the water and reached behind my sliding my hand behind Tina’s neck as I tilted my own head to face her. “You are not adding pressure. If anything, being together in the same home would only help.”

I encouraged Tina to bring her head forward to allow our lips to meet. The skin was soft, moist, and warm from the hot steam that had risen from the water. It was a kiss that was both gentle and reassuring.

As they released their kiss, the passion in Tina’s eyes remained. “Are you ready for bed?”

I smirked. “Are you tired Ms. Kennard?”

“Oh, I’m not sure Ms. Porter. Perhaps you should take me to bed and see just how tired I am.” Tina arched a brow. “That is if you are still up to it?”

My hand slipped beneath the water and took hold of Tina’s, directing it to my center. “What do you think?” The question followed physical confirmation that I was more than aroused.

The blonde emitted a throaty groan. The confirmation that she could still arouse her ex to this degree simply elated her. “Uhmm…I need you Bette.” The words were passionate and filled with need.

As Bette rose from the warmth of the water, the air chilled her. Upon stepping from the oversized tub, Tina quickly grabbed the robe from the floor and wrapped it around Bette. 

“How did you know I was cold?”

“Your expression.”

“My expression?” I inquired. “What about it?”

Tina smiled as she wrapped a towel around herself. “Some things never change…no matter how much space and time can come between people.”

#

Angie lay in bed unable to find comfort in the still of the night. Following a few minutes of tossing and turning, she got out of bed and went to her bedroom window where she stared at the moon in the black velvet sky above. She wondered how many other people were looking at that very moon right now, and how many were lucky enough to be sleeping. 

When she turned to return to her bed, she glanced down at the driveway to see her Momma B’s car still parked there. Her parents hadn’t shared a thing with her yet, but Angie was a clever young girl. She had never seen her mom’s sharing so much time together as they were doing in recent weeks, and certainly not late nights like the ones that they were having. She wondered how serious things were becoming, and if they would ever be like a real family living in the same home.

As she settled herself back into bed, she began daydreaming about how things would be with both parents being together. Things seemed to be a little more structured since they had become friendly again, something that Angie wasn’t finding so favorable. Before, she could go to her Momma B and gain some sense of support and sympathy; not to mention a place to escape to on weekends when things were tense between herself and her mom. These days it seemed like her mom’s were on the same page than ever before.

Within a short amount of time, sleep stole her daydreams and she was no longer coherently weighing the future.

#

As Bette lay back against the soft sheets, Tina slowly eased her body down against her warm skin. The feel of Tina’s bare skin as it touched various places of her body spiked the desire even further. The stimulation was escalating faster than the pace which Tina had taken.

Bette pushed her head back against the pillow as Tina placed small kisses across her collar bone. She was somewhat conscientious of her body as Tina’s body continued to rub against her own. 

Tina raised her head from Bette’s neck and looked at her face. She carefully pushed a few strands of hair that covered her eyes. “Baby…what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said swiftly, hoping to avoid exposing my fears. “I’m okay…”

She knew how to read Bette’s every expression. It was a skill she had acquired years earlier, and time didn’t weaken her abilities. “You look tormented right now. You didn’t look that way when we were in the bath tub. What’s wrong?”

I turned my head to the side, I didn’t want to ruin out intimate moment with my insecurities. “Tina, I’m fine…please…let’s make love.”

It had been a few days since Bette had been allowing the food to stay in her system more than not. The much less purging had started to play games with her thought process. She felt as though she gained at least ten pounds since she wasn’t eliminating food from her body. How could she feel so strongly about Angie refraining from a path of destruction, but it was so hard for her to follow her own advice? Certainly she recognized the danger, the destruction. Yet, at the same time, she felt incredibly self conscious as Tina’s body pressed against her.

“You are beautiful Bette,” Tina reassured. “I love you, and I want you around for a long time.”

My head had remained turned, with my face against the pillow. Tina placed her fingers on my chin and gently turned my head to face her. 

“You don’t have to say a word.” Tina pressed her lips against Bette’s, then pulled back. “I know you are struggling...and I would normally pull back and give you some space.”

I waited for Tina to finish, for there sounded like there was a “but” coming, and sure enough it did.

“…but…I’m not sure that letting you retreat is going to help either of us. I think that we need to get closer as we face this problem together… and in order to build that bond of courage and trust between us, we need to run towards one another when the safest thing for you to do is to flee.”

Tina was right, and as much as Bette was struggling with her inner demons, she knew she had to follow the incredible wisdom that was before her. She slid her hands up Tina’s bare back and pulled her into her body.


	45. Chapter 45

CHAPTER 45

While Bette’s fingers bore down against Tina’s back, the blonde continued to orally stimulate the mocha breasts before her. After giving one nipple plenty of her attention, she licked a path across Bette’s chest to her other.

Bette arched her chest up, offering her lover more as she spread her legs, giving Tina full permission to move southward.

The moans which each women expressed symbolized not just the physical sensation that was growing, but the love that had bond them as one. No matter the years that had passed between them, making love to each other was a natural experience which required no reminders.

Bette felt her center tightening from mounting need to be pleased further. The moment that Tina’s knee pushed against her distended clit, she couldn’t eclipse the urge to come. “Please…Tee…take me.”

Tina placed small love bites down Bette’s abdomen as she slowly descended. She knew Bette’s patience would be limited with the more time she took, and in some sense she found pleasure in her ability to control her lover’s desires. She playfully probed Bette’s belly button, leaving one hand massaging her breast as she approached the exceedingly defined pubic bone. Tina placed kisses on that area which was physical evidence of Bette’s illness.

Many bulimics had a tendency to be overweight as they fought their illness, due to the fact that textbook diagnosis would tell you that they overeat and purge. The purging doesn’t eliminate most of the food taken in, thus the inability to lose weight. In Bette’s case, she ate less than a normal amount of food and then eliminated it. She was in the smaller percentage of eating disorders of this type.

Tina caressed Bette’s pubic bone before dragging her hand from the brunette’s breast and down her stomach.

Bette reached down and snaked her slender fingers through Tina’s hair, encouraging her towards her center. The reluctance coming from the blonde was apparent when she continued taking her time.

Bette dropped her legs further, hoping that the blonde would accommodate her. Tina however, was engrossed in teasing; simply blowing the air from her mouth towards the moist lips and clit that was fully exposed.

“Fuck,” Bette said as she squirmed, arching her hips upwards. “Please Tina...”

Tina looked up from between Bette’s legs to see the need present on her face. “Tell me what you really want from me Bette.”

Bette was losing control. “Fuck me Tee…please…I need you so bad.” Bette struggled to pull Tina’s head in while she raised her hips. “I…I can’t take it.”

Tina smiled at the state she had gotten Bette in. For one thing, it meant that Bette wasn’t as focused on her body at the moment, and that alone was an enormous relief for Tina. She dragged her nails over Bette’s well groomed hair, and in one smooth move, she separated her lips with her index and middle finger. The “V” she made with her fingers framed the brunette’s engorged clit. 

“Hurry….T..Tina…”

Tina swept her tongue up and down Bette’s clit, occasionally sucking the firm nub into her mouth where she held it between her teeth and rapidly flickered it. Each method elicited a guttural groan from Bette, who had released Tina’s hair so she could grab hold of the comforter on the bed.

“Ohh…fuck…th..that feels…so good.”

Tina circled Bette’s opening with two fingers, her own becoming saturated with arousal that had settled there. The moment she slipped them inside, Bette moaned deeply. Being inside your lover, whether it was with your fingers or your tongue, was the most tender and symbolic moments while making love. You were one in that moment, sharing something more personal than anything else. The mutual trust and adoration that each had for the other, merged in that moment when their bodies spoke the language of love.

As Tina slowly moved her fingers in a rhythmic motion, her mouth continued to pleasure Bette’s clit. She felt the enlarged walls wrap around her fingers as Bette experienced many climatic spasms which preceded the impending orgasm.

“Ohhh…gooood….Tee….I…I’m…gonn…gonna cum.” 

The admission didn’t need to be made, for Tina was familiar enough with Bette’s body to know how close she was. The shorter breaths, the broken words, the tightened center, were only a few signs that preceded that primal moment when it all culminated in a guttural cry from the release.

Tina slowly drew the orgasm out of Bette, as she turned from a more insistent form of stimulation, to a tender and delicate one. She slowly brought Bette down to a reasonably normal state before sliding up her body and kissing her gently on her lips.

“I take it you enjoyed that?” Tina said with a smile.

Bette’s eyes were somewhat catatonic as she reveled in the state of post orgasm bliss. 

#

Bette and Tina rose to an insistent knock on their bedroom door.

“Wh…what time is it?” Bette asked as she instantly sat up. “Fuck Tina…did she hear us?”

“Moooom, I need you to sign something for school.” The young voice on the other side of the door prompted a state of panic.

“Shit,” Bette whispered as she quickly made her way to the bathroom to retrieve her clothing. “I was meant to be up and out of here before she woke up.”

Tina grabbed the robe from the floor and tied it around her. “It’s okay, we need to talk to her anyway.”

“I didn’t want her to find out like this,” Bette replied, buttoning her pants. “I was hoping we could have talked over dinner one night.”

“Hello?” The question preceded the incessant knocks. “Are you there?”

“Just a minute Angelica,” Tina called out. She crossed her arms and chuckled at Bette’s nervousness while she threw her clothes on. “It’s not the worse thing in the world you know.”

Bette tussled her hair with her fingers, hoping that it wouldn’t look like she hadn’t just woke up.

“You realize that although you are dressed, I’m still in my robe.”

“So?”

“Well, I’m sure she isn’t going to believe that you just decided to ‘stop’ by this morning on your way to work…wearing the same clothes you did last night.” Tina smiled back at Bette before opening the bedroom door.

Angie looked at the robe which was wrapped around her mother. “Are you just waking up?”

“Yes, actually I am.”

Angie peered past Tina to find Bette approaching the door.

“Hey Boo.” Bette hadn’t felt so embarrassed since her mother caught her and Johnny Gilmore kissing on the sofa when she was just a teenager. 

“Are you guys going to just keep trying to hide things from me?” Angie’s face formed a frown. “I’m not a little kid anymore.” 

Bette felt Angie’s eyes scanning her clothing. 

“What is it you want to know?” Tina asked, a question which prompted two raised brows from Bette.


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can thank a certain someone who messages me but hasn't left a comment just yet, and is VERY convincing, for these THREE chapters... ;)

CHAPTER 46

Bette looked at her watch. “Gee, I would love to hang out with you girls, but I really need to get moving here.”

Before Bette could pass by Tina and Angie, the question came out loud and clear. “Are you both sleeping together?”

Bette’s eyes quickly diverted from Angie to Tina. She wasn’t prepared to respond to this question, even if it was one she had anticipated.

“Momma B and I…well we have been having some serious discussions recently –“

“Are you both getting back together?”

Tina looked at Bette, hoping she would participate in the discussion that was occurring sooner than they had both planned.

“Well…uhm…as you know Boo, we have been spending a lot more time together.” Bette looked from Angie to Tina. “We both seem to have been able to find our way back.”

Inside Angie was smiling. “I know you have been hanging out more. So…what happens now? Are we moving?”

Tina stepped from the doorway and motioned for Angie to come into the room. “Why don’t you come in here for a few minutes instead of standing there and we can talk about it.”

“Mom I have to get to school, or I’ll be late.”

“Momma B can drop you off at school on her way home.”

Bette nodded in agreement. “Sure.”

Angie walked past her parents. The sheets were noticeably disheveled, something which caught her eye as she looked for a relatively untouched area to sit. “Can I just sit here?” Angie asked, pointing towards the cedar chest at the end of the bed.

“That’s fine,” Tina answered, preparing to sit at the end of the bed.

Bette sat next to Angie on the chest.

“Momma B and I really haven’t worked out the details of what will happen next. We had wanted to sit with you over the next few days to tell you, but…” Tina smiled at Bette. “I suppose you already kind of figured things out for yourself.”

“Well yeah, Momma B’s car was parked in the driveway really late last night. Then…well…” Angie looked at Bette’s clothes. “Uhm…well I just knew that she stayed last night.”

Bette swallowed the small amount of saliva that remained in her mouth. Her discomfort was something which Tina thought was the cutest thing ever. Bette was always a rather controlled woman, and outside of the eating disorder that was consuming her at this time, she was a pretty strong woman. There was little that made Bette squirm, but in this moment that was in fact just what she was doing.

“Anyway,” Tina continued. “Like Momma B said, we somehow found ourselves feeling some really strong feelings for one another again, and we have started to talk about making a more long term commitment.”

“Are you getting married?” Angie blurted the first question that came to mind.

Bette was the first to respond. “We just got back together Ange. We would never rush into something until we both were ready and sure that was where we wanted to go.”

“Why not? I mean, if you loved each other before…and you love each other now, then what’s the big deal?”

The innocence of a young one was present in the blasé attitude that marriage should be considered so soon.

“Sometimes things are better if they happen at a slow pace, and progress towards something Angie. Right now Momma B and I are talking about living in one home together. That would be the next step we consider at this time.”

“Really? Then…where would be living? Would we be here or…” Angie turned to Bette. “..or would we be at your home?”

Bette and Tina looked at one another. The discussion didn’t last long enough to conclude where they would all reside. 

“Probably here,” Tina said at the same time Bette had responded, “Likely my place.”

Both women looked from Angie to one another.

#

Alice moaned in disbelief at the amount of traffic she faced once she got on the road. The only thing making it bearable, was the fact that she was on a call with Shane which helped to pass the time.

“Did you find out what was up with Ange?” Shane asked.

“I left a message on Tina’s cell phone this morning. She hasn’t called me back yet. I’m hoping it wasn’t anything too serious.”

“Me too. I would think if it was something bad they would have called one of us, don’t you?”

“I would hope so. I’m just as eager to find more out about them getting back together. I wonder if they will be spending the holidays together this year.”

“Wouldn’t that be awesome?” Shane asked. “That sure would be the greatest gift of all this year, Bette and Tina back together.”

“Make sure you have it on your wish list this year,” Alice joked. “Fucking jerk! God how I hate idiots who try to squeeze into your lane, even though you didn’t say they could go.”

Shane laughed. “You would think you would be used to L.A. traffic by now Al.”

“Traffic I can tolerate…well…for the most part. It’s the morons who think they own the road that piss me off.”

“No…really?”

“Shut it.” Alice playfully warned. “Anyway…back to wish lists…”

#

“So which is it?” Angie pushed, wanting to know just which house she would have to settle in forever.

Bette stumbled with her words, as did Tina. “Boo…we really haven’t worked any of that out yet. Things are just starting off right now, and mom and I have a lot of details to work out.”

“Will I have any say in it at all?”

Tina frowned in confusion. “In what?”

“In which house we live in?”

Once more Tina and Bette looked at one another. They had hoped that Angie would embrace the idea, and hadn’t prepared for logistical questions to come their way.

“I think that Momma B and I wouldn’t have a problem discussing your thoughts.”

“I’d rather stay here,” Angie blurted out. She took no time sharing what was on her mind.

“Wouldn’t you want to give this some thought?” Bette asked.

“I have.”

“You have?”

“Sure. I’ve known for a long time that you both were going to probably get back together.”

Bette emitted a nervous chuckle. “You did? How so?”

“Well, the other day when I came downstairs, you both were making out on the sofa. Looked pretty serious to me.”

Bette felt her face instantly warm. Tina wanted to laugh at the immediate discomfort that had taken over the brunette’s face.

“Anyway, I really have to go…I told Kara I would meet her before our first class so she could copy my notes from the class she missed.”

Angie didn’t have to share her request twice, as Bette was happy to close the discussion following Angie’s revelation. “I agree, we probably should get going.”

Bette and Tina were left alone in the bedroom once Angie announced she would meet her mother in the car.

“I suppose we have a lot of the logistics to work out,” Tina suggested. “Good thing our daughter is here to remind us of these things.”

Bette grinned. “It’s a good thing, because I’m not sure we would have figured it out on our own.” 

Bette and Tina laughed before embracing one another close and sharing an intimate kiss, a kiss which was interrupted by the insistent sound of a car horn from outside.


	47. Chapter 47

Bette lowered the radio upon entering her car. “It would have been nice if you told me you were taking my keys from the kitchen counter.” By the time Bette had made it down to her car, she was slightly annoyed at the time she had spent trying to find them.

“Sorry.”

“Not to mention the persistent wailing on my horn.”

“Well…I didn’t want to be late mom.”

Bette reached into her purse and retrieved her earpiece to her phone. “I understand that, but you have to learn to have patience ya know.”

Angie rolled her eyes. Her mother had been one of the more impatient people she had ever known. 

Bette backed out of the driveway and headed towards Angie’s school. “I’ll be at the house around five o’clock if you want to play basketball for an hour.”

“Cool.”

“Mom is going to have a list of things she wants done when you get home from school, so make sure you have that done for her before I get there okay?”

“What kind of things?”

“Some extra things which you will have to do to earn the money to compensate the pharmacy.”

Angie was extremely uncomfortable at the thought of having to face the people she had run from. She hoped that her mother would have changed her mind and brought the money to them herself, but it didn’t appear that things were going to end up that way.

Bette glanced at her daughter, who was showing her discontent on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just really embarrassed mom.”

“I understand that Angie. Being embarrassed isn’t any fun, and it’s worse when it comes from no fault of your own.”

“What do you mean?”

“As I told you yesterday, I was quite embarrassed when I had to face the police and listen to their accusations. I was probably even more embarrassed when I swore up and down to them that it couldn’t have been you…that there was some mistake, until I saw the video.”

Once Angie had allowed her emotions to subside the night before, she had begun feeling bad about the position she had put Bette in. “I really am sorry mom.”

“I think you are too.”

“You do?”

“Yes, I do…and I will not only hear those words, but I will feel them as well when you make restitution to the pharmacy.”

Angie sunk down in the passengers seat, remaining quiet the rest of the way to the school.

When Bette pulled in front of the school, she spotted Nicole exiting her vehicle. Angie’s eyes followed her mothers. She worried that her mom would say something. “Please don’t freak out on her.”

“It’s not my place.”

Angie opened the passenger door and stepped outside the car. “Thanks mom. I’ll see you after school.”

“Hey Ange!” Nicole called out as she approached the car.

Angie quickly closed the passenger door before Nicole could entertain the thought of greeting her mom. “Hey Nic.” She watched as Bette pulled away from the curb. 

“I tried to call you a zillion times last night, but it kept going to your voicemail.”

“I had shut it off.”

“Why?”

“Because my moms grounded me. No phone, no computer.”

“No shit!”

“Yeah, exactly. Can’t even do that anymore…well…not with laxatives I guess.”

Nicole grabbed hold of Angie’s backpack. “Are you serious? Why?”

“What I was worried about came true. The cops had come to see my mom about the laxatives we stole.”

Nicole and Angie walked into the school with only ten minutes to spare before they had to be in the classroom. “Whoa, how did they know it was you? Me even?”

“I don’t know if the pharmacy people know it was you. They found out who I was because I dropped my school I.D. there. Remember I was looking for it yesterday?”

“Yeah. You dropped it there!?”

“Yes, like a jerk.”

“Damn. Do they know I was there too?”

“I don’t know. My Momma B saw the tape in the store. She knew it was you, but I don’t know if she told them or not.”

“Shit! I hope not.”

“My mom was really pissed off. Both of them were, but Momma T was really crazy about all of it. I thought she was going to tell your mom or something.”

“I hope not! They would kill me.”

“I don’t think she will. She said that was something that you would have to tell them yourself.”

“I’m not telling them anything,” Nicole snapped back. “I’m sorry you got in trouble Angie.”

“Yeah, I am too. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without my phone and computer.”

Nicole exhaled a sigh as she took four laxatives from her pocket. “How long do you have to be without your stuff?”

“A couple of weeks.”

Nicole downed the laxatives with the bottle of spring water she had brought with her. “That really sucks.”

“I know.”


	48. Chapter 48

CHAPTER 48

Tina left work a little earlier to grocery shop for the weekend. While at the market, she contemplated how many meals she would likely be making over the next few days. Although she and Bette hadn’t talked about her spending the weekend, she assumed that Bette would be around most of it, considering she wanted to play a fair amount of basketball with Angie before tryouts on Monday.

She reached inside her purse to retrieve her phone which started blasting Amos Lee’s “Arms of a Woman” throughout the produce section. “Hello.”

“Hey Tee. How’s your day going?”

“Hi babe. It’s good. I left work a little early so I could hit the grocery store.”

“Oh okay. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to pick up something tonight.”

“Nope. I’m going to make some steaks for all of us, and put a few sides together.”

“That sounds great.” For Bette, it was wonderful to be sitting around the same table and sharing meals together. She knew they had a lot to discuss in terms of which home they would end up living, and many other details they hadn’t even thought of, but for now it was simply amazing. “I reminded Angie that you would be leaving a list of things you wanted her to do right after school.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“No problem.”

“I was thinking all day about what you had said, about Angie walking into school with Nicole. I’m kind of concerned about their friendship Bette.”

“I know. I honestly wasn’t sure whether I should have approached her about the video or not.”

“I just feel really bad. What if her parents are as oblivious to this as we were? I mean, if the tables were turned, I would certainly hope that someone would tell us what our daughter was getting involved in.”

Bette sat back against her leather chair. She twisted the end of the pen in her mouth as she gave thought to Tina’s concern. “I understand. I definitely would have wanted to know.”

“I think we need to reconsider whether we mention something to Nicole’s mother or not.”

“Tee…I’m not sure that we should go against what we already said to Angie. We told her that it would be up to Nicole to tell her parents about the theft.”

“I know, but I’m not even talking about that as much as I am about the fact she is taking laxatives.” Tina selected some fresh spinach and placed it in her shopping cart. “I mean, if someone didn’t tell me that Angie stole something, I could live with that because that isn’t going to harm her health. However, doing something incredibly dangerous to her body is another thing. I would want to know.”

Bette hesitated as Tina continued on.

“Babe, I’m not sure that we really have a choice. I think it’s our moral obligation as one parent to another, to give them a heads up.”

“Tee, I understand your concern…I do…”

“But?”

“But…if Nicole’s parents come down hard on her and demand that she not use laxatives anymore, what do you think is going to happen?” When Bette didn’t hear any suggestions, she continued. “What will happen is she will just do a better job at hiding it, that’s all.” Bette spoke from experience. The more someone was aware, the more the person with the disorder worked harder to conceal it.

“What about Angie then, we have basically forbidden her to use them. Does that mean she is going to keep doing it and just hide it better?”

Tina’s question was valid, but the two situations were somewhat different. “I don’t think Angie will. After the lengthy discussion last night, and what I shared, I doubt she will. Unless it hits as close to home for Nicole like it does Angie, then she may not appreciate it like Angie does…hopefully. Plus, there are a few disparities that I feel will make a difference. For one, we caught this pretty early. In addition, she will get into therapy with me next week.”

“You have an appointment?”

“Yes, I called Bonnie around lunch time today, and she called back this afternoon.”

“That’s fantastic. When is it?”

“It’s on Tuesday at six o’clock. That worked out great, because she has tryouts for the team on Monday, and should she not be chosen for the team the timing couldn’t be any better.”

“True. I’m glad you remembered to call. Hey, off topic here for a moment…do you like a little sour cream blended in your mashed potatoes?”

“I never had it like that. I wouldn’t mind trying it.”

“Okay. I just started doing it this past year and Angie likes it a lot.” Tina placed the small carton of sour cream in her basket then proceeded to the checkout. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

Bette smiled big. The random words of affirmation was something she had missed during the years that separated them. There wasn’t one person who ever came close to offering the affection and attention that Tina had. “You have. Just this morning I believe.”

Tina laughed. “You were so funny this morning honey, freaking out and all.”

“Oh, you think it was humorous that our daughter had bagged us?”

“First off, she didn’t really ‘bag’ us, she just…well she came to a conclusion. She is a smart young lady.”

“Yeah, too smart for her own good. What happened to that little girl that was oblivious to most things that were going on around her?”

“She’s all grown up,” Tina answered. Realizing Bette was sure to get sentimental, Tina offered some reassurance. “It’s a natural process babe, and she’s still a few years away from being completely embarrassed of us.”

Bette cracked a small smile. “I know. Just seems the years passed by so quickly.”

“They did. Hold on…” Tina swiped her debit card and waited until the cashier was done processing her payment before returning her attention to Bette. “Sorry…just heading to the car now.”

“That was fast,” Bette noted.

“I had made a list before I came here, not to mention I know the layout of this store like the back of my hand.”

“Is there anything I can bring tonight?”

“Just yourself.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.” Tina started to place the bags into the car when she decided to ask Bette about the weekend. “You know, you are welcome to stay over this weekend.”

“I wasn’t sure whether I should or not.” Bette looked at the line which was flashing. “Hold on a minute Tee.” She pressed the other line, disappointed that her conversation was interrupted. “Dean Porter. Yes Phyllis…okay…let me just check my email. I think that Justine said the meeting was going to be next Thursday. Let me see….” Bette clicked through the string of emails, hoping to quickly retrieve the info that Phyllis needed so she could get back on the phone with Tina. “….uhhmm….right here. It is Thursday at 10:00 a.m. in Chesterfield Hall, Conference Room 1. Yes…no problem. Bye.” Bette retrieved the call she had placed on hold, only to find she had apparently been placed on hold herself.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left ladies! Glad you have been enjoying this so far.

CHAPTER 49

“You there?” Tina asked upon returning to her call with Bette.

“Yeah, where did ya go?”

“Sorry, that was Angie.” Tina’s voice showed some concern.

“Is everything alright?”

“She was freaking out just now. She said that Nicole had fainted at school, and that she was with the school nurse.”

“What happened?”

Tina threw the last bag in the trunk and then got in her car. “I don’t know exactly. Angie said that Nicole had stood up from her locker and the next thing the girls knew, she was on the floor. She had cut her face on something when she fell and the nurse was seeing her.”

“That’s not good. I hope they don’t let her drive her car home after school.”

Tina’s voice was stressed. “Bette, I really think we need to talk to Nicole’s parents. She probably dehydrated from taking those laxatives. What if she were driving?”

Before Bette could oppose Tina’s intentions, the blonde offered a hypothetical scenario that changed Bette’s mind completely.

“What if Angie was in her car, as she has often been in the past, and Nicole passed out and got into a car accident?” The only thing on the other end of the phone was silence. “Bette, we have no choice. This has gotten completely out of hand and it has the potential of affecting our daughter.”

“It does. This new set of circumstances has changed things quite a bit.”

“As much as we don’t want to go back on what we said to Angie, I think it’s very important that we do.”

“Tee, let’s be sure to talk with her about it. I don’t want us to tell Nicole’s parents without first having talked to Angie.”

“Why? I don’t think it’s something that we should wait on. I think that before you even come to the house tonight, that you stop by Nicole’s first.”

“Tina, without talking to Angie and giving her a heads up it could cost her a friendship with this girl. They have been friends for a long-“ Bette’s words were cut off.

“And I’m not sure that losing such a friendship would be a bad thing anymore.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I?”

“Just relax. We can talk when I get to the house.”

“Bette, I’m not bending on this one. I would like you to get in touch with her parents immediately. I’m not saying that it’s necessary to tell them about the theft, but in the very least they need to know that she is taking laxatives.”

Bette sighed. There was no way she was going to win this one. 

#

“Wow, poor Nicole.” Tracy whispered just before their last class of the day started. “I wonder if she will need to get stitches on her face for that cut?”

“I don’t know.”

Once the teacher started class, Tracy and Angie continued their thoughts in the form of notes that they carefully passed back and forth to one another. Occasionally each one glanced at the empty desk in the next row, and when they did it increased the butterflies in their stomachs.

When the bell rang indicating the end of class, Angie and Tracy were happy to rush into the hallway where they could openly talk about the situation once more.

“Do you think her fainting has something to do with the laxatives?” Angie asked.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. She’s been popping them like candy lately.” 

Angie followed Tracy to her locker, as she listened to her take on Nicole’s health.

“She’s been looking horrible Ange. I don’t even know how her parents don’t see it.” Tracy took one book from her locker then secured the lock. “I mean, how can you not see it?”

“I hadn’t seen much of a difference until today really. She looked tired and really weak.” Angie went to her locker and placed her book on the shelf. She grabbed two others and placed them in her backpack, then squeezed the lock shut. “I know she said that in the morning her father is usually in the shower when she is leaving, so she never sees him before school, and her mom is already gone to work.”

“They don’t see her at all?”

“Not for long I guess. She tells me that her father works late, and she is usually in her room online at night when he is home.”

“What about her mom? They must have dinner and stuff,” Tracy inquired with a bit of surprise at the lack of interaction by family members.

“They do … for the most part.”

“Well her mom needs glasses then.”

When the girls walked out of the school, Tracy offered to take Angie home rather than waiting for the school bus. Angie was more than happy to accept the offer, as it would allow her to get the list of chores done in plenty of time before Bette was expected.

#

Bette looked at her watch, amazed at how quick the time had passed since she spoke with Tina. She was in the middle of grading student papers, and if it weren’t for having to stop at Nicole’s before heading to Tina’s, she would have probably been able to get through the rest of them. Unfortunately, time could be unforgiving and Bette was forced to put her work aside and handle issues that were more important… her family. Although her family was always important to her, there was a higher level of responsibility which was now required of her. No longer would she be just a part time parent on weekends and occasional moments during the weeknwhen it came to Angie. Instead, she would be involved seven days a week with her daughter, as well as rebuilding a once shattered relationship. 

She made one last check on her emails before powering off her laptop and packing her things to hit the road. Juggling the demands of work along with family would be something new she was embarking on, and allowed her a feeling of worth beyond what she had ever felt before.

#

Angie had just started the list of chores that Tina had left for her when she heard a car horn coming from outside. She peered through the window to see her mom’s car in the driveway. Being careful not to let Misty outside, she met her mother by the car. “Why did you honk the horn?”

“I have groceries in the trunk that I need some help with,” Tina said as she stepped from the car.

Angie couldn’t help but notice the tear in the back of her mother’s jeans. “Mom, you know you have a big hole in your jeans right?”

Tina smiled, she sure did. She had pulled the jeans out from the box in the attic. They were a pair that she had put away not long after she and Bette had parted. Like Bette’s historical jeans story, Tina had one too and these dungarees were sure to drive Bette crazy when she saw them. 

“Hello mom?” Angie repeated.

“I know Ange. I happen to like them.”

“Geez, if I were to wear a pair of jeans that were ripped you wouldn’t let me out of the house, especially if part of my butt was showing.”

Tina felt her face flush as her hand reached behind. She was aware that the rip had been below the cheek of her ass, certainly her butt wasn’t showing…or was it?

“Anyway, Nicole’s mom came to the school. I didn’t get to talk to Nic, but I saw her mom and her walking down the walkway towards the parking lot.” Angie grabbed two small bags of groceries and followed her mom into the house.

Once inside, both of them placed the bags onto the counter and continued their conversation about Nicole. “Momma B is going to stop by their house before she comes here later.”

The last thing Tina wanted was drama later one when Bette arrived. Telling Angie now would afford her the chance of dealing with Angie’s potential upset and meltdown before Bette arrived later on. With her partner facing a fair amount of personal issues at this time as well, she didn’t want Bette to be exposed to the stress which she felt she could take on instead.


	50. Chapter 50

CHAPTER 50

Angie turned from the fridge, her face filled with surprise. “What? But you both said-“

“Angie, I don’t think Momma B is going to say a thing about the theft. Our concern is more about the fact that Nicole is taking laxatives, and when this happened today we both felt that if the situation was reversed, and it was you taking them … well we would hope another parent would give us the respect of telling us.”

“Mom! How could you both –“

Again Tina interrupted Angie, hoping that if she could provide sufficient reasoning quick enough, it may avoid a major emotional eruption. “Angelica, this is serious. Do you have any idea what could have happened to Nicole if she were driving her car when she passed out?”

Angie was terribly upset, but when Tina offered this idea up, her nostrils appeared to stop flaring. 

“Honey, we don’t want to get in between you and Nicole. As much as your mother and I do not approve of her behavior, and the influence she has had in pulling you into this type of dangerous behavior, we still have not forbidden you to continue to have a friendship have we?”

Angie let the fridge door close without getting the soft drink she had intended to get. “No.”

“Then please trust that what we need to do is the right thing.” Tina walked over to Angie and placed the palm of her hand on the top of her daughters head. “Sweetie, we both love you so much. We don’t want you to ever get hurt. Not physically and not emotionally. If you were in her car and she blacked out, it could have been devastating.”

Angie only listened. The justification that Tina was using seemed to be getting through little by little.

“How would you feel if something horrible happened to her on the way home from school today? When she was driving?” 

“Terrible.”

“Of course you would. You would feel bad because she is a close friend of yours. At the same time, I bet there would be a moment when you started to think that you may have been able to do something about it earlier. The last thing that Momma B and I want is for you to find yourself feeling guilty one day if something bad were to happen to Nicole and you said or did nothing.”

“I suppose so,” Angie said, her voice laced with disappointment.

#

When Bette arrived at Nicole’s house, she felt a knot form in her stomach. It had been a stressful time for her to acknowledge that her eating disorder was out of control again, and to seek help. Added to her plate was the fact that Angie was now beginning down a road that could lead to something equally destructive. She loosened her grip on the steering wheel and exited the car. 

As she walked up the brick walkway leading to the front door, she played all the ways in her head how she was going to approach the topic. Some scenarios were more direct, while others were more causal. 

After ringing the door bell, she took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. When the door finally opened, she felt the knot tighten in her stomach.

“Bette. Hi.”

“Hi Nancy.”

“Come in, please.”

Bette and Tina had met Nancy a few times while attending similar school functions that their daughters were participating in, so they weren’t strangers to one another which helped…a little.

Bette followed Nancy to the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“No thank you.” Bette stood by the kitchen island, wondering where Nicole was. “How is Nicole?”

Just as Nancy was about to talk, her cell phone started to ring. “Excuse me, I’m waiting on an important call from work.”

Bette scanned the kitchen counter which was filled with different folders, post it notes, and other material that seemed to be work related. Ten minutes passed before Nancy returned her attention to Bette. 

“Sorry, things have been absolutely nuts at work. It didn’t help that I received a call from the school today to come and get Nicole.”

Bette was surprised by what seemed to be a lack of concern. She reminded herself that Nancy was likely not aware of the conditions that led up to the call. “How is Nicole doing now?”

“She seems fine. I told her to just get some sleep.” Nancy’s blackberry beeped, which prompted her to start scrolling through what was likely an email. “I don’t know why the school nurse couldn’t handle it. I mean, you know how kids are. They never drink enough water, which can make them dehydrate…it just seems ridiculous that I would get called from work and told that I had to come get her. My secretary offered, but the school said it had to be a parent. Well I can tell you right now, Richard would not have been pleased having his conference interrupted.”

Bette felt herself feeling annoyed with what was beginning to seem like a sincere lack of interest in parenting. A few times that she was prepared to discuss what she knew about Nicole’s use of laxatives, she was interrupted by Nancy needing to address an incoming call or e-mail. This lack of attention was causing Bette to lose patience.

“Sorry about that. I knew that if I didn’t get to stay at work this evening and get things done, I would be buried with it from home. Anyway, what brings you here?”

Bette was relieved to finally have Nancy’s attention. She was aware it may not be for long, so rather than take the more casual approach she had intended, she decided to be direct. “Are you aware that Nicole is taking laxatives?”

Nancy arched a brow. “That is ridiculous! Why on earth would you make such an assumption like that about my daughter?”

Bette felt herself becoming equally defensive. “It isn’t an assumption. Tina and I recently learned of Angelica’s exposure to them ourselves –“

Nancy cut Bette off immediately. “Because your daughter happens to be taking them, does not mean that Nicole is. Do not make her guilty by association Bette.”

“Are you serious?” Bette offered a strained expression. 

“No Bette I’m not. How dare you suggest that my daughter be involved in doing something so tragic to her body. We have raised her to make healthy choices when it comes to taking care of herself.”

Bette bit her bottom lip. A young teenage girl should by no means have to take care of herself, at least not in the way it seems these parents would like, by eliminating all responsibility from themselves. “Nancy, believe what you want. We just learned about Angie taking laxatives, and unfortunately it wasn’t by means of a concerned parent telling us. We would have appreciated being confronted by someone like that than the police.”

Nancy was confused by the last statement, but was feeling far too offended to inquire. “My daughter knows better. Not only do I ‘not’ believe she is involved with laxatives or anything else like that, but I know she would not be encouraging your daughter to do so.”

“Are you that blind?” Bette shot back.

“My daughter is in shape. Just look at her Bette. She doesn’t need to do a thing to look good. It comes natural in our family.”

Bette found her temper growing. She knew there was proof on video of Nicole stealing them, but Nancy wasn’t appearing to be open minded enough to consider a thing Bette was saying as having an ounce of truth.

“You need to wake up before it’s too late.” Bette started to turn towards the door. “I’m done here. I gave you the information I know.” Bette reached for the door knob of the front door then turned back. “What you do with that information is up to you, but I suggest that you at least talk with your daughter.”

Bette closed the door behind her and headed directly to her car. In all the scenarios that she had allowed to play out in her head, she would have never imagined things turning out as they did. Between Nancy’s rejection of what she had shared, as well as how inattentive she was the entire time caused Bette to worry more about Nicole than before.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ladies! Glad you are enjoying this story...can't believe that there are only a few chapters left until the end... Enjoy!

Chapter 51

Tina was pulling the marinated steaks from the container when Bette came into the house. “Hey, you’re here.”

Bette quickly looked around the kitchen, determining if Angie was in sight. When it appeared safe to speak, she let loose. “You can’t begin to imagine the resistance I got from Nancy.”

“What?” Tina hoped to have heard a reaction that showed appreciation.

“Oh yeah. Not her daughter. She isn’t messing with laxatives. If Angie is involved, then it was because of someone else.”

Tina felt the skin on her face tighten. “What!? That is crazy! I hope you—“

Tina was quickly interrupted. “Yes, I did. I tried to explain everything Tee, but it was like talking to a fucking rock.”

Tina could see both the upset and disappointment that Bette was feeling. “I’m sorry baby. I know this was difficult for you to even taken on.” Tina finished drying her hands and slipped them around Bette’s waist. “After we spoke, and things calmed down, I realized I probably should have been the one to speak with Nancy.”

”Tee, it would have all ended up the same.”

“It probably would have, but it would have been less stress on you.”

Tina made Bette feel cared for. It had been a long time since she felt that genuine concern for her well being, and since Tina’s return it was something she was feeling more of with each passing day. “Thank you for wanting to take that from me. I did okay. I guess I was just shocked by her reaction.”

Tina’s lips brushed against Bette’s as she kissed her lightly. “I spoke with Angie,” she said, keeping her eyes focused on Bette’s. She could see the anticipation in Bette’s eyes as she waited for the response. “She is okay. She’s a bit disappointed, but overall I think she kind of got it.”

Bette dipped her head back in relief. “Thank god. I was pretty worried about how she would take it. I’m glad it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“No, I think she’ll be alright.” Tina smiled as she brought her lips close to Bette’s. “Do you like my jeans?” She took both of Bette’s hands and brought them to her ass.

Bette’s heart raced by Tina’s directness. “They look great on you. Then again, when have you ever been in something that didn’t look wonderful huh?”

Tina brought her lips to Bette’s ear. “I was thinking of you today when I was in the shower.”

Bette smirked as lust took over. “Care to tell me details?” Before Tina responded, Bette felt Tina’s tongue tease her earlobe.

“When are we going to eat?” The voice had come from the hallway, but there wasn’t any question that the source was headed their way.

“Fuck,” Tina whispered. “Timing is everything.”

Tina and Bette were just releasing their embrace when Angie walked into the kitchen. “Great, how much longer is dinner going to be?”

The fact that Angie was looking forward to eating, made Bette happy. “Hey Boo.”

“Do I still have a friend?” Angie asked, chewing on a piece of celery she picked out of the bowl of salad.

“Well, I hope so. It doesn’t appear that Nicole’s mother believes her daughter is taking laxatives.”

Angie arched both her brows. “Seriously?”

“Yes, I’m serious.”

“Cool, she won’t be in trouble then.”

Tina was busy putting the steaks on the grill, which allowed Bette and Angie to further their discussion.

“It isn’t cool Angie. I’m concerned about her. That isn’t the appropriate approach that her mother should take. Nicole is slowly ruining her health.”

“Well at least she isn’t getting grounded and having everything taken away from her.”

Bette grimaced. “How about I get changed up and we head outside and play some basketball?”

“Alright.” Angie was glad the conversation not only changed, but ended with the opportunity to shoot hoops as they had planned.

#

Basketball time allowed Bette to explain how inappropriate she felt Nicole’s mother was handling the situation. Angie appeared more willing to hear what Bette was saying instead of simply over-concerning herself with whether Nicole was going to get grounded. Following twenty minutes of playing basketball, Angie and Bette were called inside to have dinner.

“Already?” Angie questioned with a hint of protest in her voice as she held onto the ball.

“Yes, it’s done. Now come in before it gets cold.”

“Come on Boo.” Bette wrapped her arm around Angie and walked towards the door. “We can always put in a few extra hours tomorrow. It’s Saturday.”

“I was just getting into a rhythm though.” Angie threw the basketball onto the lawn as she proceeded towards the house.

“I know you were, and you’ll be able to get that back. Just think, it’s no different when the coach pulls you out of the game and you feel you still have it in you to keep going.”

“I hate when she does that.”

“But it’s necessary during a game, so try to look at this as something you need to get used to as well.”

Angie didn’t completely agree, but her focus soon turned to the wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen. “It smells good.”

”It sure does,” Bette agreed, holding the door open for her daughter. “Don’t forget to thank your mom for making a wonderful dinner.”

#

While the family ate, Angie shared how enthused she was about playing basketball with Bette. The short bit of one on one time they had a few moments earlier, helped create a chance to bond. Though her weekends with Bette were spent sharing time with one another, for Angie it felt that this was the first time that she felt an honest interest in what she was doing. Bette’s active involvement with her daughter was something which meant a lot to the teen.

Tina savored the deeper connection forming between Bette and Angie, more than the food that the other two had been offering praises about. It certainly felt like the family was coming together, which offered hope in her heart.


	52. Chapter 52

CHAPTER 52

The weekend came and if it weren’t for Bette spending a serious amount of time with Angie, she would have had an even harder time with her punishment. During the week it was difficult enough to be without her computer especially, but there was homework and dinner which took up part of the night. It was now Sunday evening and Bette was beat from all the basketball she had played since she had come to the house on Friday.

“I’ll tell ya Bette, if I didn’t know any better I would think Ange actually has grown to like us!”

Bette laughed as she put the brush through her long hair. “She has been a lot more open and willing to have some discussions than she was before, that’s for sure”

“Exactly.”

Bette reached into the shower and started the water, moaning as she straightened back up. “Here I thought I was in shape,” Bette laughed as she attempted to stretch one of her hamstrings. I’m going to enjoy letting this hot water beat down on me.”

Tina slipped her arms inside of Bette’s bathrobe. “Thank you for all you have done to bring her back to us.” She dragged her hands up and down Bette’s back as if to add emphasis to her words. “I know I could never have done it alone.”

“I couldn’t have done it alone either Tee. You need to give yourself more credit than you do when it comes to Angie. You’ve done a fine job raising her.”

“You have too ya know.”

Bette leaned in and gave Tina a gentle kiss on her lips. She lingered there for a moment before pulling back. “I haven’t been in her life nearly as much as you, and let’s face it…I had her on weekends and for her it was more of a vacation because I didn’t have her doing any chores, and you made sure her homework was done before I even picked her up. I hope she can adjust to the changes that will be coming.”

Tina raised a brow, interested in whether Bette had more details about said changes.

“Well…I mean we have to decide on which home we will all be living in. I guess the only advantage for my place is the pool during the summer. Other than that, her friends are closer to her here, as well as her school. This house is really her home.”

“We can talk about it later. Get in there and take a nice hot shower. I’ll make you some tea and have it ready for when you come out.”

Tina slipped her hands alongside Bette’s face and kissed her lips. “Now go, before I decide to get naughty and join you.”

Bette arched her brow. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Later,” Tina whispered. “I need to make sure I get Angie’s lunch together for tomorrow.”

“Alright,” Bette said in defeat. “I’ll hold you to it later.”

Tina turned towards the doorway then smiled back at Bette before closing the bathroom door behind her. 

Once she was in the kitchen, she put the teapot on and then made Angie’s lunch. When she was done, she took a walk upstairs to remind Angie that she would need to pack her things for tryouts after school, but found the teen already on it as she peered through the partially open door.

“Getting your stuff ready?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to forget something in a rush tomorrow morning.”

“Are you excited about tryouts tomorrow?”

Angie put her sneakers in the bag and then placed it on the floor near her bed. “I’ve got butterflies.”

“I’m sure you do. I bet every girl trying out tomorrow has the same feeling.”

Angie plopped herself down on her bad, knowing that tomorrow meant so much to her. “Some girls probably feel pretty confident.”

“I think even the girls who think they will ace it have some bit of apprehension the night before.”

“I really want to make the team Mom. I’ve been so good about eating better like you and Momma B have wanted. I just feel that since I’ve been doing that, I’ve gotten fatter.”

Tina placed her hands on Angie’s shoulders as she took a seat on the bed next to her. “Angie, listen to me. You are not fat, and the fact you have been eating healthier foods and actually eating in general is a good thing. If you don’t make the team, it will not be because you were eating food. The food you have been eating has been very healthy, and in proper portions. You need to believe that honey.”

“I do know I’ve been eating healthier…I just…I’m worried is all.”

“You’ll be fine baby. I made you a turkey roll up for lunch tomorrow. Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah.” 

“I know you like lettuce, tomato and cheese, so I put that in it.”

“Nothing on the bread right?”

“Nope, I kept it plain as you like it. I need to get Momma B her tea and head to bed. Sweet dreams honey.” Tina kissed the top of Angie’s head and left her room for the kitchen.

#

When Tina returned to the bedroom, she found Bette asleep in bed. She stood with the tea in her hand, as she observed the peaceful expression on Bette’s face. Carefully she placed the tea on the nightstand, then retrieved one of her sexy nightgowns from the dresser. Although Bette wasn’t going to be up to making love tonight, she knew that it would make Bette squirm in the morning when she woke to find her wearing it.

Tina turned the light off then slipping under the sheets. As she cuddled in close to spoon Bette, the brunette pushed her body backwards to meet Tina’s. She welcomed the arm which slipped around her, offering comfort and security. “I love you,” Tina whispered next to Bette’s ear.

“I love you more,” Bette said in a sleepy whisper.

“No, it’s not possible.”

“Yeah…it is.” Those were the last words which Tina could comprehend before Bette fell back into a deep sleep.

The blonde held her woman close to her body, basking in the wonder of love and how the power of that one emotion brought them back to one another.

#

The California sun was sneaking in through the small spaces that the mini blinds failed to prevent access. Bette opened one eye and peered at the clock. The alarm was set to go off in fifteen minutes, yet she could have easily slept for another fifteen hours. She turned over to find Tina propped up on her side and facing her. The sheets were pulled down to her bare thigh.

“Good morning,” Bette said as her eyes scanned Tina’s body. “Nice nightie.”

Tina smiled, “Oh this old thing?”

Bette arched a brow as her eyes travelled to Tina’s cleavage. With the blonde laying on her side, the visual of her breasts pressed together creating a more defined cleavage line was tempting. Adding to the seduction, was how the black lace framed certain area’s of her body.

“I thought you would like this,” Tina offered while sliding her slender fingers up and down the spaghetti string.

“You’re absolutely beautiful.” Bette’s words were filled with passion. Her mouth dropped open slightly as she watched Tina sit up and slide one strap off of her shoulder.

“I’m cashing in baby,” Tina professed as she pushed Bette back against her pillow. “You had fallen asleep last night.” 

Bette felt her center tighten as Tina moved to straddle her. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep…I was waiting for the tea and before I knew it…” Bette couldn’t finish her sentence, for in that moment Tina had pulled the nightie up, allowing Bette a preview of what was to come.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ladies...sorry to have left you where I did with the last chapter. ;)

CHAPTER 53

Making love to Tina was one of life’s most intimate highs. The moment her mouth touched the blondes body, and the physical and verbal reactions she was able to pull from the depths of her soul, fulfilled Bette in ways nothing else in the world did.

Tina’s legs wrapped around Bette’s, in a way which allowed them to tribe successfully. There was something undeniably arousing at the point which both their highly aroused pussies merged with the other. The feeling of the others most intimate part blending with your own, was a feeling that words could not possibly define. To receive and to give at the very same time was binary and dramatic.

Bette’s hands embraced Tina’s back as she arched. The satisfaction…unmistakable. The ability to simultaneously arouse the other while accepting pleasure in return was intricate, but the passage there wasn’t something you would discard.

The small beads of sweat that fashioned between their breasts, created unique paths as it descended down their cleavage. Their nipples protruded from their chest; their skin so tight, that tiny creases formed in some areas of their areolas. 

“Ohhh…ba..baby.” Tina’s words were fragmented. The ability to express words in such a state was nearly impossible. She was consumed with the building pleasure. As her heart beat hard against her chest, and the sweat continued to moisten her skin, her body continued to tribe hard with Bette’s.

Bette twisted her brows and contorted her mouth as she continued to ride the building wave. She fought with her bodies need to come, and her desire to continue to pleasure Tina enough to join her. Her breaths were hard and demanding as her fingers found the back of Tina’s hair.

Two bodies as one. Two beating hearts keeping time. Making love was music, as defined by sounds arranged in such a way in order to produce an effect. The concert which Bette and Tina generated was filled with rhythm, pitch, and duration. The melodic sequence, the satisfaction of the climax, and the comfort of the cadence as it came to a close...yes, this was a concert indeed.

#

Tina blew upward, hoping to free the hair that had stuck to her forehead after such wild abandonment. Her legs were intertwined with Bette’s and part of the sheet. Both women lay on their backs facing the ceiling. Their chests rose and fell at a difference pace, the cause however was the same. 

“You aren’t out of shape,” Tina expressed a deep breath. “Quite the contrary.”

Bette smiled as she turned her head to the side. She stared at Tina’s face which was damp with sweat. “You aren’t either.” She reached for Tina’s hand and held it in her own.

The moment was quiet and tender. There wasn’t a need for words, for their bodies had shared and expressed all that they felt. When they felt grounded enough to rise from the bed, they went into the master bathroom and showered together, once more making tender love beneath the showering water. When they found their legs no longer able to sustain a standing position, their bodies slowly slid to the floor of the shower, where they continued their pleasure.

#

Meanwhile, Angie was getting restless. She had come downstairs to the kitchen and was going to eat a bowl of cereal but noticed the milk was expired and wondered where her parents were as there was no sign of them. As she glanced at the clock on the microwave, she worried that she would be late for school. Being late might land her in detention, and that certainly would interfere with tryouts.

She went down the hall to her Mom’s bedroom and knocked on the door. When she received no answer, she knocked harder, this time yelling for each one of them. “Where are you two? I’m going to be late!”

Again, she received no answer to her bellowing. She knocked once more before trying the doorknob. The door was unlocked. No harm peaking in, she thought to herself. “Mom? Momma B?”

#

“Mmm….that was absolutely crazy,” Bette said as she turned the water off. “Where on earth did you ever learn to do that?”

Tina smiled as she stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. “If I told you, you wouldn’t be happy. Plus, in the end…you’re the one who benefits from it anyway.”

Bette grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself, laughing as Tina opened the bathroom door to find Angelica standing in the bedroom. “Angie!”

“Mom, I’m going to be late! I didn’t take the bus because you said one of you would be driving me!”

Bette tightened the towel around her body, feeling somewhat embarrassed that her daughter witnessed both of them leaving the shower at the same time. It was obvious they showered together. The question was how long was she standing there and what did she hear.

“You won’t be late, one of us will drive you after you have breakfast.” Tina was casual. She didn’t feel the same level of discomfort that Bette did.

“How long were you standing there?” Bette inquired as she remained fixed in one place, grasping the towel.

Angelica was fully aware of her Momma B’s awkwardness, and she was going to play with it. “Long enough.”

Tina rolled her eyes and went to her dresser. “That’s not true, now go and get your things together. We’ll be out shortly so we can have breakfast and then get you to school.”

Bette’s brows raised. “Long enough?! What does that mean, long enough?”

Angie offered a sly expression and shrugged her shoulders as she departed the room.

“Tee…what did she mean long enough? Do you think she—“

“Baby, relax…can’t you see she is just screwing with you? The more you show her how uneasy you are with her knowing we are sleeping together, showering together…and…” Tina moved close to Bette and whispered into her ear, “….and having really hot sex together…..”

Bette felt a shiver travel down her spine the moment Tina’s breath tantalized her earlobe.

“…the more she is going to tweak you.” Tina planted a quick kiss on Bette’s lips. “Do you want to take her or do you want me to? Whoever doesn’t take her needs to start breakfast.”

“I’ll take her. I drive better than I do breakfast.”

Tina chuckled. “That’s not true, you have cooked some fabulous meals for me.”

“Meals perhaps…eggs…not unless they are scrambled. I can never turn the damn things over without breaking them.”

Tina pulled her pants together and buttoned them. “Well, I suppose you and I need to get busy in the kitchen one day then.”

“Ohhhh no….I’m not getting busy out in the open where our daughter can walk in and catch us. I’ll keep the ‘getting busy’ part the bedroom thank you…a locked bedroom at that.”

Tina laughed hard, so much that she snorted. 

“What? What’s so funny? I don’t like that she just comes barging in like that.”

“First…” Tina laughed. “I wasn’t talking about sex when I said we had to get busy. I was talking about showing you my method of cooking.”

“Yeah, I know full well what your method of heating things up is like.”

Tina was beginning to have just as much fun with Bette’s discomfort as Angie had. “Awww, are you afraid things might get too steamy? Feel too much heat? I promise you won’t get burned honey.”

“You’re as bad as her now!”

“And you are just too damn cute.” Tina pinched Bette’s cheek. “I’ll be putting breakfast together. Meanwhile, try not to get too foofy huh? You need to have time to have something to eat with us before you both head out.”

“Foofy?”

“Yeah…you don’t need to go too lip lezzy.”

“Lip lezzy,” Bette repeated.

“Lipstick lesbian. It requires so much more effort to put yourself together when you put a lot of time into the pampering, the makeup, the hair.”

“You’re one to talk Ms. Kennard.”

“Perhaps but not nearly as bad as you. I’ll see you in a bit.” Tina shook her head and laughed as she left the bedroom.

Bette got dressed as quick as she could, partially blow dried her hair, and put some light makeup on before heading to the kitchen. Tina was just placing the omelets’ in each of their plates, bypassing Angie’s complaint that she was going to be even later than late.

During breakfast, Angie shared how excited and nervous she was about tryouts that afternoon. She even surprised herself at how happy she was that Bette and Tina would both be there to watch. The parents filled breakfast time offering positive thoughts and encouragement before it was time for Bette to bring Angie to school.


	54. Chapter 54

CHAPTER 54

“We’ll be at the gymnasium around 3pm okay?”

“Alright.” Angie struggled with her backpack and gym bag as she exited the car.

“You sure you don’t want some help?”

“No, I got it.” Angie closed the door behind her and headed up the walkway. Her tummy was doing flip flops, and all she wanted was to get in the school and try to forget all about what was to occur that afternoon. She turned and waved to Bette as she entered the school.

Inside, the students were grabbing books from their locker for their first classes before reporting to their homeroom for the usual morning address from school principal.

Angie undid the lock on her locker and threw her things inside, retrieving the two books she was going to need. 

“Hey Ange.”

Angie stood up to find Nicole standing by her locker. “Nic, I am sooo sorry about my Momma B.”

“What are you talking about?”

Angie was confused, certainly Nicole’s mother would have mentioned Bette’s stopping by the house. My Mom, she had gone to your house to talk to your mother.”

“What?!”

“Your Mom didn’t tell you?”

“No, she didn’t tell me anything. What did she tell my Mom?”

“She was concerned about you taking the laxatives. She mentioned it to your mother.”

“Tell me that she didn’t rat me out on the pharmacy thing.”

“No, she didn’t. She just told your Mom that she should maybe talk to you and –“

Nicole laughed. “My Mom doesn’t have time to be concerned about things like this. They have bigger issues to tackle with the stock market crashing.”

Although Angie was comforted by the fact that Nicole wasn’t in serious trouble with her Mom, she thought back to the conversations she herself had the night before with Bette. In her own way, she could see a lack of concern coming from Nicole’s Mother; something she didn’t see until now.

“Well, I guess I’m glad you didn’t get in trouble…but…I don’t know Nic, maybe my Momma B is right.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you need to be careful with what you are doing, with the pills and all.”

“Angie, I’m fine. I know it scared you, and I know your mom’s are all freaked out about it, but that isn’t where I am. I’m not giving you a hard time over the fact you stopped taking them, so chill out with the lectures huh?”

Angie sighed. She wasn’t going to be able to get through to Nicole, and it was beginning to scare her. On this morning, she could see how frail the young girl looked. She was paler than normal, her lips looked dry and a bit shriveled. There were some dark circles under her eyes, and the weight loss…it was noticeable.

“I’ll see ya in class.” Nicole spotted some friends and caught up with them as they reported to homeroom.

#

Later that afternoon, Angie found herself getting a bit anxious once more. It was now 2:30 p.m. and she was in the locker room of the gym getting changed into a tank top and some shorts.

The air in the room was filled with excitement as the 26 girls who were attending the session began sharing both their hopes and fears.

Cheryl, had played softball the previous year. This was her first time trying for the basketball team. “Does anyone know what the team size will be?” 

“Team size has always been a minimum of 12 and a maximum of 15,” Victoria answered.

“We’ll know right away won’t we?” Angelica asked as she put her hair up in a pony tail.

“Oh for sure. The head coach tabulates the scores right after each tryout.”

“Cool.” Angie grabbed her water bottle and filled it with cold water from the water fountain. Nicole was sitting on the floor with her head on her arms. “Hey Nic, you okay?”

“Uh huh. Just feel a little lightheaded. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“You want some water?” Angie kneeled down to her friend.

“I had some earlier. I’ll be fine.”

Angie remained concerned for her friend’s well being. “I was going to go stretch out in the gym for a little bit. Do you want to join me?”

“Nah, I think I’ll just sit here and relax. I just need to rest up a bit before I get out there.”

“You sure?”

“Yep, I’ll see you out there.”

Angie was reluctant to leave her friend, but also didn’t want to be a pest. “Alright. I’ll see you out there. Good luck huh?”

“Yeah, good luck Angie.”

Angie turned and headed towards the gym.

#

Coach Tucker was bringing a cart filled with basketballs from the storage room to the gym floor as the most of the girls stretched out.

Outside, Bette and Tina had just pulled into the parking lot which was already filled with cars. “Wow, seems like we won’t be the only parents in the bleachers watching.”

Tina looked around the lot. “I guess not. That’s good though, I like to see parents being supportive.”

“Want to put money down that Nancy isn’t here to watch Nicole?” Bette asked.

“Please, don’t get me started on that witch.”

#

When Angie finished doing some jumping jacks, she noticed her parents enter the gymnasium and take a seat on the bleachers. She wasn’t sure if it was going to make her nervous having them watch, but now that they were there she felt comforted by their presence. 

All three shared a wave, acknowledging that they saw one another. It wasn’t the first time that Bette and Tina had attended school functions together to observe Angie, but this time it was different. Angie recognized that they were there “together,” in a way that she had never been able to have before. The fact that the two were now back together and willing to rebuild their family, brought Angie more happiness than she may have been able to appreciate before seeing them walk in together moments earlier.

“Alright, let’s get started everyone.” The coach blew into her whistle a second time, hoping to get the girls attention. Once everyone was standing in one central area are her, she welcomed everyone before going over the evaluation criteria.

Bette and Tina glanced at the doorway where Nicole was just making her way onto the court. “A little late don’t you think?” Bette remarked, unaware that the girl was Nicole. “That should tell the coach something.”

“We will be evaluating you in the following areas. First, I will be taking a look at your basic skills, which will be things like passing, catching, shooting, and how you handle the ball.” The girls listened intently as the coach continued.

“Bette…that isn’t…that isn’t Nicole is it?” Tina’s eyes widened. “I mean we only saw her a few weeks ago. That couldn’t be her.”

Bette stared at the girl who had come onto the court late. 

“The next area is your playing skills. You will be evaluated on your offensive and defensive abilities. These are very important assets in building a quality team.”

“I think you’re right Tee. That looks like her.” Bette found herself feeling angered by the obvious unhealthy state that Nicole was in. “How can her parents turn their heads to this?”

Tina placed her hand on Bette’s knee. “Shhh…maybe we can talk to her after the tryouts. Perhaps both of us talking directly to her and showing her that someone does care about her might be enough to help get her on the right track.”

From the floor the coach continued to explain the rest of the criteria before beginning some basic floor drills.

The bleachers were filled with many parents. It was Bette and Tina’s first time attending something where Angie was trying out for a school team, so they weren’t sure if the attendance was typical or not. Bette scanned the bleachers, hoping she might see Nancy. It didn’t come as any surprise that she wasn’t in attendance.


	55. Chapter 55

CHAPTER 55

Angie’s hustle around the court was remarkable. Her speed, footwork and handling of the ball was impressive, and didn’t go unnoticed. Bette watched as the coach made notes on her clipboard. She had gone through a growth spurt over the summer, which was yet another advantage over some of the others. 

“She’s got this in the bag,” Bette whispered to Tina. “I just know it.”

Tina smiled at Bette’s enthusiasm. “Let’s just wait before we begin celebrating babe.”

“I’m telling you Tee, Angie is in great form.”

Tina worked on keeping Bette grounded, for she didn’t want to have two of her girls disappointed should Angie not make the team.

Coach Tucker blew her whistle once again garnering the girl’s attention. “Okay, we are going to do some lay ups and jump shots. Let’s make two lines, and when I sound the whistle you begin.”

The girls formed two lines, then began taking turns doing some layups. At one point, Nicole had somehow slipped and fell to the floor. She quickly got up, hoping that it didn’t cost her any points. “Sorry…my shoelace.” 

“Poor kid. She looks really tired.” Tina found her eyes leaving Angie to check on Nicole. “I suppose it’s easy for the coach or other kids to chalk it up to lack of sleep or something.”

“I know, I’m sure it’s not unusual for kids to be going into school quite tired. They stay up late watching television or playing on the computer. Little do they know….

“Little did we know…” Tina added, reminding Bette that they were one of those adults who had missed the train on that same thing, and they had more flags in front of them than most may have.

Nicole was falling behind when it came to running up and down the court with her team, something the coach was surely going to be making note of when it came to deciding who was going to be cut.

“She isn’t playing her best…not at all.” Tina wasn’t the only one to notice how bad Nicole was doing. She had been a first pick the year before, but this year…it would be a miracle for her to make the team at all. The errors just continued to build and build; no doubt the teen would have noticed it herself.

With only fifteen minutes left in the tryouts, it was time to do some scrimmaging. Once again, Angie stood out among her peers. She made a few great blocks along with several steals. Her accuracy in hitting the basket was 75%, not bad. 

Nicole was making her way down the court, dribbling the ball at an unusually slow pace. Cheryl covered her as she approached the basket. The very moment she entered the key, the ball was easily stolen from her, and the girls quickly ran to the other side of the court, failing to recognize that Nicole had collapsed onto the floor.

Coach Tucker blew the whistle when it became obvious that Nicole wasn’t getting up. As Bette and Tina rose from the bleachers, they instinctively covered their mouth with their hands at the sight of the motionless young girl. The coach grabbed the teens wrist looking for a pulse, then shouted for someone to call 911 before she started to administer rescue breaths.

“Is there a medic here?” Someone yelled from the bleachers. “Anyone a doctor?”

The rest of the girls had slowly made their way back to the bleachers, all remaining silent as they did. For most, it was the first time they had ever experienced seeing something so critical. Naturally the silence was broken by some small whispers from a few who questioned what happened and why she wasn’t getting up. 

Angie understood the severity of the situation. There were only a handful of kids who were aware of how many pills Nicole had been taking, and for Ange…she had a more intimate glimpse into it than any other. In that moment, she realized full well the danger of what she had been doing to her body, as well as the fact that the motionless body on the gym floor could have been her if it weren’t for her parents intervention. She looked from Nicole to her parents, and when their eyes locked, she ran to them. A man had responded to the call for a doctor, and joined the coach on the floor where he helped administer two person CPR.

“Mom!” Angie grabbed Tina around the waist. “Is she gonna die?” She buried her face into Tina’s sweater as Tina embraced her.

While Nicole’s life rest in the hands of these two people, the situation was appearing more and more grim. Immediately following Angie’s question, Bette passed by Tina and stood in front of the bleachers. “It may be a good idea for parents to bring your kids into the locker room.”

While the adults rose from the bleachers in agreement, some of the girls started to cry while others ran towards a parent as Angie had done. Bette overheard the coach indicate that there was still no pulse. She signaled for Tina to bring Angie into the locker room as well, while the sirens filled the air in the distance. Once her family was out of sight, Bette rushed towards the front doors of the gym and propped them open. 

The firemen were the first to arrive, quickly exiting the rescue truck with their medical bags. “What do we have?”

Bette quickly realized he was directing his question to her. “Um…16 year old girl. She was playing basketball for about an hour or so and collapsed.”

“Are you her mother?”

“No, my daughter is friends with her. She…she’s been taking quite a few laxatives. I don’t know how long she has been doing it for, but I understand she has been taking a large number of them on a daily basis.”

Bette followed the three firemen into the gym, giving one of them all the necessary contact information. While they put gloves on, one began taking vitals as another indicated he was powering on the defibrillator. Once the Paramedics and EMT’s arrived, more medical bags and personnel surrounded the young teen. Bette stood off to the side with one of the fireman, continuing to give as much information as possible. The coach was told that the hospital would notify the parents, relieving her of any responsibility to do so. The principal had already made his way to the gym when he saw the first emergency vehicle pull into the school parking lot. He was both stunned and saddened to witness a young life balancing between life and death. 

When it was obvious they were not going to be able to stabilize her, she was quickly placed on a stretcher before being transported in the Advanced Life Support vehicle for the hospital. Bette joined Tina and Angie in the locker room as the parents tried hard to keep their kids calm.

Remaining behind were plastic needle covers, a latex glove, and a few empty supply wrappers. 

The principal looked solemnly upon the remnants. “We’ll have counselors available in the morning.” The coach nodded in agreement, then watched the principal as he left the gymnasium. She turned to the custodian and asked him to clean the gym floor before heading to the locker room to meet with the parents and students.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I'm not mean...I didn't leave you hanging with the last chapter. I posted this so you wouldn't have to wait too long...

CHAPTER 56

Angie sat on the bench between her mothers. The locker room was noisier than the gym floor had been earlier, as both the students and parents filled the air with speculation.

“I hope the child didn’t have an unknown heart condition,” one parent shared.

Another parent close by expressed her concern that illegal drugs weren’t involved.

“Mom, maybe she was okay…maybe you just didn’t see her breathing.” Angie tried to reason aloud.

Bette looked from Angie to Tina, pulling her daughter in closer to her. For Bette, this was an additional wake up call for her own eating disorder. Although she wasn’t popping laxatives, she knew that purging could put her in the very same place Nicole was. She had been making progress with each passing day, and this only added to her motivation to stay on the road to good health.

The locker room came to a hush when the coach walked in. In the fifteen years that Coach Tucker had been the school’s Athletic Director, she had never encountered anything remotely close to this. The adrenalin rush wasn’t something she could deny, for it had started shortly after Nicole was removed from the gym. She looked at the faces of the students and parents, who were eager to hear something…anything.

“I…” The coach felt paralyzed. What could she say? What did she know? There was little which she understood herself. “I apologize that you had to see something so tragic. I honestly don’t have a clue as to what happened, or how Nicole is. The medical personnel brought her to the hospital, and she couldn’t ask for better hands to be in.”

“Do you think she is going to die?” One girl asked from the back of the room.

The coach’s heart ached. “I can say that when someone goes down and CPR is started immediately, they stand a good chance of recovery. The EMT’s and Paramedics got here fast and did what they needed to do. There will be counselors at the school tomorrow morning. I’m sure there will be an announcement in your homeroom tomorrow morning as to where they will be available to meet with you, should you decide you want to talk to someone. It’s never a bad idea to share your thoughts.”

Angie looked up at Bette, knowing that was the same advice she had given to her when it came to discussing the idea of her going to a therapy session and talking to Bonnie. Bette gave Angie a reassuring squeeze towards her.

“Normally I announce the ten students which I have selected for the team immediately following the tryouts. However, I ask that you bear with me and give me a day to sort things out. I’ll make sure you are properly notified in writing either way.”

In spite of what had occurred with Nicole, it didn’t appear that anyone was disappointed. Their focus now was on Nicole and not so much whether they had made the team. 

After a few more minutes of discussion, families started to exit the gym and go to their own homes.

“Angie, why don’t you get your things together honey. If you want, we can go to Johnny Rocket’s and get some burgers for dinner. I know you like that place a lot.” Tina tried to get Angie’s mind occupied with something other than the tragic events that had just taken place.

“I’m not very hungry right now Mom.”

“I know, but by the time we get out to the car and to the restaurant, you might be.”

“Alright.” Angie went to the stall which she had changed, and quickly put her clothes back on. 

Upon exiting the gymnasium, she welcomed the breeze that the fresh air provided. “I wonder what her mother is going to think?” Angie questioned aloud.

“I hope she answers the damn phone,” Bette said angrily.

Tina could see the disappointment and hurt which Bette was feeling. She knew Bette well enough to know that she would begin second guessing how she approached Nancy, and if she should have been more firm with sharing what she knew about Nicole. Once again, Tina was ready and willing to be the rock for both of her girls.

#

When the family arrived at the restaurant, they were seated faster then usual. The restaurant wasn’t as busy on this evening, which allowed them the opportunity to have a little more privacy than they normally would have had.

Bette peered at her daughter from over the top of the menu. “You going to get a juicy burger Boo?”

“I guess so. What are you guys getting?”

Tina place the menu on the table. “I think I’m going to do a burger with swiss cheese, lettuce, onion, and pickle.”

“That sounds good, but I think I’ll skip the onion and add tomato’s,” Bette replied. “Boo?”

“Um…probably just a hamburger with ketchup.”

“You want some cheese on it?”

“I probably should, it’s got protein.”

“It sure does,” Tina encouraged.

The waitress took both their beverage and food order, then left the girls to themselves. Angie had many more questions, most which there were no answer to, but in the company of both her parents she felt a sense of security and comfort.

“I’m pretty lucky,” Angie confessed. 

Bette and Tina waited for their daughter to finish her thought, for there seemed to be more coming.

“I was so angry when you were both trying to make me eat when I was trying not to. I…I was even more upset when you refused to let me take the pills…and then the whole punishment.”

Tina nodded, agreeing with what her daughter was saying. “You were quite distressed with our decisions.”

Angie stared at both her parents. “That could have been me. The only difference is that I stopped and Nic didn’t. If her mother would have listened to Momma B the other day, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

“We’ll never know for sure Ange.” Tina looked at Bette. “We could all question whether things would have turned out differently if we said something more, was a little more persistent….but we can’t know for sure if any of the things that go through our mind now would have changed a thing. We have to be at peace knowing that we did what we felt was right at the time and then let the rest go.” Tina reached across the table and took hold of Bette’s hand. “There isn’t a reason for any of us to doubt ourselves.” She gave Bette a reassuring squeeze. In return, her eyes met the brunette’s, which were filled with love and adoration.

Angie looked at Bette, knowing that the words were meant for her just as much as they were meant for herself. She was old enough to recognize the message that Tina was sending, and just why it was being emphasized in the way it was.

#

Bette pulled into the driveway, drained by the events of the afternoon. While Angie pulled her gym bag and backpack from the car, she waited in the driver’s seat.

Tina turned towards Bette. “Aren’t you coming in?”

“I only brought clothes through this morning. This back and forth stuff is killing me.”

“You aren’t staying Momma B?” Angie peered from the back door towards her mother.

“I don’t know Boo. I could go home and get some things.”

“You should stay.” Angie closed the back door before Bette could answer. 

“Was that an order?” Bette joked.

“Seems like it could be taken that way huh?” Tina turned towards Bette. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone tonight. We haven’t had any time to talk privately, but I know you Bette, I know you will torment yourself with questions all night. I’d like to be able to be by your side tonight.”

Bette dropped her head. “I’ll be okay…I’m just tired Tee.”

Tina reached over and lifted Bette’s chin. “You’re more than tired and you know it.”

Bette watched as Angie closed the front door behind her. 

“Babe, you did all you could. You couldn’t have done or said anything more to have Nancy believe you. Let’s face it, even if she did believe you it doesn’t mean she would have aggressively addressed it. At most she may have told her daughter to be careful and that’s it.”

Bette remained silent.

“The woman wasn’t even at the tryouts today.”

Bette looked up at the roof of her car, her brows twisted in pain. “I just can’t help…but think…”

“No…don’t. This is what I’m trying to prevent…trying so very hard to prevent. I don’t want you or Angie to think you should have done anything different. If anyone needs to feel something like that, it’s her damn mother.” Tina grabbed hold of Bette and held her tight. Bette’s arms awkwardly embraced Tina’s.

“It could have been Angie. We could have been getting a phone call from the E.R. …”

“Shhh,” Tina whispered into Bette’s hair as her arms refused to let go. “There are a lot of things that could have happened, but they didn’t. You need to be at peace with all you did. It was enough. It was more than enough.”

“I wish I could feel it was,” Bette cried.

Tina pulled back and turned Bette’s face towards her. “Listen to me, I promise…if you don’t let it go, I will never stop trying to make you find peace with it.” Tina stared into Bette’s eyes bordered by her long wet lashes. “Do you remember what you said before…when you and I were talking about Angie and how we might handle the situation with her and the pills?”

“I’m not sure,” Bette said weakly.

“What you told me, was that if we told Angie that she couldn’t do something that it may make her do it more. You said that we had to do whatever we could on our part, but that in the end, it was Angie who had to embrace what we gave her and listen to us. You know, that isn’t any different when it comes to Nicole. Even if Nancy ended up convinced that her daughter was in danger, it doesn’t mean that her addressing it with Nicole would have stopped Nicole from taking the pills. In the end, it was still up to Nicole.”

Bette remembered. She and Tina had both been very concerned about their daughter, and they differed on how to approach the situation. Tina forced Bette to recall her own words and the way they had sorted things out when it came to Ange. Looking at it that way, Bette could see the value in what Tina was saying, that even if she had successfully convinced Nancy of the grave reality, it didn’t mean that Nicole would have stopped…in turn meaning, today may have still happened just the way it had.

Bette grabbed hold of Tina and held her close. “Thank you….for all that you are.”


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ladies! Glad you are enjoying this story. I posted two chapters this evening, so tomorrow the last two will be posted and it will be a wrap. Enjoy...

CHAPTER 57

After convincing Bette to stay with her, the family sat together in the living room, allowing Angelica the room to further discuss Nicole and the events that took place at the gym that afternoon. She found comfort curled up close to Bette as she shared her thoughts with her parents.

“I never thought it could really happen ya know? I mean, I thought everyone was just exaggerating or trying to make me scared.”

“Sometimes there are things in life which will bring fear because of the enormity of it, but we would never tell you something with the intent to make you scared.”

“I know that, now especially.”

Bette continued caressing her daughter’s hair as they shared their thoughts on this delicate subject. She looked to Tina who had her eye on the wall clock. It was now 11:57 p.m., well beyond the time that Angie would have been in bed on a school night. 

“You getting tired Boo?” Bette asked.

“A little.”

“Perhaps you should try to get a little sleep.”

The sound of the door bell this late in the evening surprised everyone.

“Who could that be?” Tina questioned.

“I’ll get it,” Bette said at the same time Angie lifted her head from her knee. 

Bette peered through the peephole before opening the front door. On the other side, the woman whom she spoke to only a day before stood waiting. 

“Nancy…come in.”

Nancy stepped into the house. Her eyes were red and puffy, the evidence of the emotional turmoil she was experiencing. Bette was paralyzed by fear. The need to know about Nicole, mixed with dread the news could be bad.

“Come into the kitchen. Can I get you something?”

“No…no thank you. I just need to talk. I need some answers, and the only place I felt I could come was here.”

Angie recognized the voice from the kitchen. It was Nicole’s mother. As she started to rise from the sofa, Tina suggested that she remain in the living room. The last thing Tina wanted, was for there to be a confrontation and Angie to find herself in the middle. She recalled things didn’t end favorably between Bette and Nancy a little over 24 hours earlier. 

Bette’s eyes focused on Nancy. She waited for the woman to provide some information on Nicole’s condition.

“I’m a mess Bette. I should have listened to what you were trying to tell me. This never would have happened had I just…just listened.”

“Nancy…did she…”

“She’s in ICU. They stabilized her. The doctor thinks she should be okay, but…they don’t always turn out this way he said. She was lucky. He said considering what her blood work came back showing, she’s a very sick young lady.”

Bette closed her eyes as she brought her prayerful hands to her lips. “Thank god. We were at the playouts…I thought for sure…” Bette let her words trail off. 

“I came here hoping to talk to Angie, to find things out which may be helpful to the doctors.”

Bette looked over to the living room. She wasn’t keen on putting Angie through any interrogation where she was so fragile herself right now. “What kind of things are you talking about?”

“How long? How long has she been doing this? How often? How much?”

“I’m not sure Angie has the answers you’re looking for. Nicole had been the one to introduce the idea of using laxatives to Angie, so how long Nicole was doing it for? I don’t know she has the answers.”

Angie stood from the sofa and started towards the kitchen.

“Ange,” Tina called out.

“It’s okay Mom.” 

When Nancy saw Angie her eyes filled up with tears even more. The contrast of a healthy young teen compared to the scene she had just left at L.A. Medical Center was a lot for her to bear. 

Angie stood close to Bette. “I don’t know how long Nic has been taking the pills. I think it’s been a few months steady.”

Bette placed her hand around her daughter as Nancy stood silent.

“Last I knew, she was taking close to 30 pills a day, maybe even more.”

“Thirty!” Nancy cried. “Thirty pills a day!?”

“I’m sorry…” 

Nancy shook her head in disbelief before dropping it into her hands.

“You should go upstairs and try to get some sleep Boo.” Bette kissed the top of Angie’s head. “Say goodnight to Mom.”

Angie quietly departed the kitchen. After saying goodnight to her Mom, she retreated to her room where she changed and got into bed. She found some relief in the fact that the doctors felt Nicole would be okay. The positive outcome didn’t lessen the seriousness or the lessons learned that afternoon, lessons which hopefully would last a lifetime.

Downstairs, Nancy had settled in the living room with Bette and Tina. The conversation hadn’t been an easy one, and though both Bette and Tina had been as tactful as possible, their message was a firm one; start getting more involved in your child’s life and show her how valuable and important she is.

It may have been the only opportunity they had to try to open Nancy’s eyes, and so they used their time wisely. At 1:15 a.m., Nancy departed their home to head back to the hospital.

Once upstairs, Bette checked in on Angie and found her fast asleep. Her eyes filled with tears as she stared upon the graceful image before her. It could have been her own daughter today, and the reality of that scared her. 

She felt Tina’s hands wrap around her waist, her chin on her shoulder. The steady support that she felt was something that meant a lot to Bette. It’s what she needed in her life, and it was Tina who was providing more than her fair share. It’s what relationships are all about. When one is weaker the other carries them. At some point in life, the roles change and a balance automatically takes place.

“Let’s go to bed,” Tina whispered by Bette’s ear. “You both have therapy tomorrow night, and I’m sure you’ll be drained.”

Bette nodded in agreement then closed Angie’s door. Once in the bedroom, the women discarded their clothes to the floor and crawled into bed. Bette nestled close to Tina, allowing the blonde to drape her in the security of her loving arms. Never in her life did Bette allow her full vulnerability to show outwardly. Perhaps that was the problem in the first round of their relationship, the inability to give all of herself unequivocally.


	58. Chapter 58

CHAPTER 58

The next morning Angie felt in better spirits than she had the day before. It was an enormous relief to know that Nicole had been one of the lucky ones, and would be pulling through.

Bette had brought her to school, giving her the opportunity to call her cell phone at any time should she wish to come home. There was a discussion that morning as to whether she and Tina were going to let her stay home from school if she wanted, but both felt that it might be more beneficial for her to be surrounded by her peers as well as the option of attending the counseling sessions with them. When Angie rose for school with no objections, the women let it be.

At school, it seemed that everyone had heard about what happened. The first message over the intercom from the principal, was that following homeroom check, those that wished to speak with counselors could go to the auditorium to do so. Naturally Angie and the girls on the basketball team felt it would be best if they took advantage of the offer and so they did.

While the students were involved in the resources the school made available to them, the principal called a meeting of all department heads immediately following the close of the school day. In that meeting, he would have one of the counselors educate the staff on eating disorders, something whose statistics would eventually cause the staff to gasp at the numbers. The Health Class would immediately institute a heavy curriculum on eating disorders to further educate the students. From the schools perspective, they had taken instant steps to assist students and staff during this crisis. For many, particularly the staff, the reality was an eye opener.

#

Bette sat in the overstuffed chair in her office, relieved that Nicole was going to be alright, but continuing to feel tense at the thought that it very well could have been Angie had she and Tina not intervened. She looked at the full length mirror that she had placed on the back of her office door. It was a symbol of her own neuroticism when it came to her weight and appearance. She was aware that the denial of nutrition to her aging body could easily prompt a cardiac event similar to what Nicole had experienced. Though it had always been in the back of her mind, to see it happen right before her eyes with someone whose body was fresh and free of years of abuse opened her eyes wider than any therapy had ever done.

She rose from the chair and stood in front of the mirror. The demons within made every attempt to wreak havoc with her thoughts. She saw a fairly thin woman, but what she “felt” differed. In her head, she felt the skirt fitting a little tighter than it should…the thighs not as slim as she would like…her abdomen not as chiseled as she felt it should be. Certainly Bette Porter learned a valuable lesson, but her ability to free herself of self abuse in the form of criticism would be a lifetime struggle. The difference was that she was willing to try to change, and be the example she needed to be for her daughter.

The brunette walked to her desk drawer and opened the small case of assorted tools she kept there when she needed to do something that didn’t require bothering the maintenance department. She returned to the mirror and carefully removed each screw. When the mirror was free from the door, she brought it down the hall to the compactor room. A rush of adrenalin filled her body as she lifted the mirror and threw it inside. The crushing sound of glass was the last thing she heard as she turned back for her office.

#

Tina had called out sick, taking the time necessary for her to reenergize her body and mind. The last few weeks had taken a lot out of her, and the last 24 hours were the worst.

She slipped into a hot bath, basking in the comfort of the warm water as it loosened her tense muscles. Her thoughts drifted to the two most important people in her life. Although their return back together as a family had been filled with a bit of stress, she couldn’t help but feel that the journey was worth every bit of angst she had felt. 

To have the chance to return to a place where love was born, and life was created out of that love, is a gift which must be cherished. Regardless of how raw their feelings had been following their breakup, there remained deep within both women, a love that existed which knew no boundaries. She felt blessed to find that somehow, someway, their paths crossed in a way it had never done before. How many times did Bette come to the house to pick up Angie on weekends, or she to Bette’s to bring their daughter? There were countless opportunities for them to find their way back. Why now? What was so different now than at any other time? Tina wasn’t a very religious person, but a spiritual one she was, and she couldn’t help but believe that the hands of fate and even a higher power were the forces which enabled both of them to find their way back. She was also smart enough to recognize that second chances were rare, and the opportunity to go back…hardly a possibility.

As she raised the water soaked loofah to her shoulder, she contemplated what she would arrange for dinner for Bette and Angie. They would surely be drained following their therapy appointment, so she wanted to have something already prepared which didn’t require cooking when they arrived. She opted for her famous chili that could slow cook in her crockpot, with a fresh salad. It wouldn’t be too heavy, and yet satisfying at the same time.

When her bath was finished, she dressed and went to the kitchen where she prepared the chili. Once the ingredients were placed in the crockpot, she grabbed her laptop and sat in the recliner, hoping to catch up on some emails from work.

#

Bette smiled at the email which was before her. The appraisal which she had requested on her home had just been sent to her. Even in this bad economy, it was assessed at $320,000.00. She bought the home for $270,000.00, and the existing payoff was $230,000.00 with no penalties. The sale of her home would put them in a favorable situation.

She quickly forwarded the email to Tina, with a note that read:

Tee,

What do you think? I’m prepared to list today. Let me know.

I love you babe.

Love,  
B

#

Tina grinned when she saw an email from Bette in her In Box. She quickly clicked on the message, surprised to find the contents indicative of Bette’s decision to sell. She grabbed her cell phone and promptly dialed Bette.

Before Bette even looked at the caller ID on her phone, she knew it was Tina. “Yes dear?”

“Dear?”

Bette laughed. “I knew it would be you.”

“Am I that predictable?”

“Perhaps. So…what do you think?”

“Bette, are you absolutely sure you don’t have a problem giving up your home?”

Bette sighed, of course she was sure. “Tee, my home isn’t some structure. It isn’t made of wood, or materials. My home is where my heart is, and that is with you and with Angie. It doesn’t matter to me what kind of structure surrounds the three of us, as long as we are together, it is home.”

Tina’s eyes filled up. She had made it sound so simple. In fact, those few words that Bette said really were simple ones, but the value in them was enormous. “That was beautiful.” 

“I mean every word of it babe.”

“I know you do.”

“So…”

“I support you one hundred percent.”

“Do you mind if I start moving some things this weekend?”

Tina was happy to hear Bette’s intentions. “Absolutely bring your things. As a matter of fact, if you have time to swing by your place and bring some clothes, then I would really like you to stay here tonight. I know therapy will be draining, and I would rather you not be alone tonight.”

Bette smiled as she felt her body warm. The love emanated strongly, and distance wasn’t going to lessen the feelings she felt her body experience. “Thank you…that means a lot. I would love to be with you tonight.”

“When do you want to tell Angie?”

“I suppose the sooner the better. I’m sure she is concerned that she will have to move to my place. We both know her feelings about that.”

“True. Perhaps after therapy, at dinner?”

“That’s feasible.”

“Good. I’m making chili and I’ll have a salad ready when you both get home tonight.”

“That sounds great Tee. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Bette noticed her intercom flashing. “Hey, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Bye.”

“Bye Tee.”

When Tina flipped her phone, she was elated. No longer would Bette be carrying a suitcase or bag between two homes. Starting this evening, she would be slowly merging her belongings with hers and that pleased the blonde very much.


	59. Chapter 59

CHAPTER 59

Bette pulled in front of the school to find Angie standing curbside with Tracy. 

“Hey, I’ll catch ya tomorrow,” Angie said as she took her back pack off her shoulders.

“Let me know if you made the team huh?” Tracy was eager to learn of the contents in the envelope that Angie had been given that afternoon. “I’m glad that the coach was able to get them to everyone today.”

“Me too. I thought it would take a lot longer.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll call you later.” Angie threw her backpack onto the rear seat. “That’s if I get to use the phone.”

Tracy shrugged then turned for the student parking lot as Angie got into the passenger seat.

“Hi Boo, how did it go today?” Bette could see that Angie appeared exhausted.

“It was really intense Mom. They had some counselors in the auditorium, and they had had an open discussion, and then had a few table off to different sides of the auditorium for anyone that wanted some one on one time.”

“Did you find it helpful?”

“I suppose so. They talked about eating disorders, diuretics and stuff. A lot of what they said you and Momma T had already talked to me about, but there were a few things that were new.”

“Were there a lot of kids there?”

“Yeah, more than I figured would go.”

“I know that going to see Bonnie isn’t something that you are likely looking forward to, but I think it will really be extra helpful honey.”

Angie fidgeted with her iPod, trying to locate a song she was in the mood to hear. “If you say so.”

Bette laughed at Angie’s blasé attitude. The good thing was this time she knew that Angie understood the seriousness of her actions and what the consequences could be.

“Oh, I can’t believe I nearly forget to tell you…we got the letters today about the team.”

Bette stopped at the red light, surprised to find that the coach had made selections so quickly following the tragic event the day before. “Really? Where is it? What does it say?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t open it yet.”

“You didn’t? Why?”

“I guess I didn’t want to find out any bad news before we went to see Bonnie. I don’t want to be crying in front of the therapist if I didn’t make the team.”

“Honey, first of all therapists are use to experiencing strong emotions from their patients at different times. Second of all, don’t you think it may be helpful to be able to talk to Bonnie about it?”

“No, I don’t want her knowing all about me.”

Bette couldn’t help but smile at her daughter’s innocence. “Okay, it’s up to you. When are you going to open it?”

“Tonight…probably after dinner.”

“Okay, well I’m sure your Mom will be pleased that she will be included in that moment as well. The great news is that I called Bonnie earlier today and asked her to call me if someone had cancelled their appointment so we could get in a little sooner.”

“You did?”

“Yes, and fortunately she called back and switched us from 6pm to 430pm. I figured that we could stop at the sports store and get you a pair of good basketball sneakers.”

“Seriously?” Angie perked up, pulling her earplugs away from her ears. 

“Yes, seriously. I think you need to have a few things for when you start playing.”

“Mom…how can you be so sure? I didn’t even open the letter yet.”

“I just am. I saw you play Angie and you were good…you were damn good.”

Angie was happy her mother had so much faith in her. While it felt great, she also was scared she might disappoint her if she hadn’t made the team…not to mention herself as well. “Don’t put the horse before the cart mom.”

Bette chuckled. “It’s the cart before the horse, and I’m not…I just know when I see talent, and you have it kid. I noticed a lot of it when we were playing one on one, but to see you out there when it really mattered…girl you shined.”

Angie smiled big. “Hurry then, let’s get to that store.”

# 

“Dane, just pick a pair!” Alice was getting impatient. Sneaker shopping was done in a matter of minutes when it came to herself. She couldn’t understand why Dana had to actually take each shoe and try to bend it around, read the label word for word, and provide a product comparison aloud.

“Don’t rush me Alice. I told you that you could have stayed at the Planet with Shane if you were going to be impatient.”

Bette and Angie walked into the Sports Store, immediately greeted by a sales clerk handing out flyers. 

“Thank you,” Bette said, politely taking one.

“Mom, I’m going to take a look at the free weights down the other end of the store first.”

“Okay, I’ll be by the sneakers.” Bette headed in one direction of the store while Angie went in the other.

“I say go for the teal colored ones,” Alice said as she slumped further into the overstuffed chair.

“Yeah? I’m not sure…I kind of like these powder blue ones.”

Bette turned the corner and found herself immediately greeted by a familiar voice.

“Hi Bette, fancy meeting you here,” Dana said. “What do you think…teal or blue?”

“Porter! What’s the scoop…Tina hasn’t been returning my calls and I’m just dying to know,” Alice piped up.

Bette looked at Alice in a confused way, nothing different than how she typically found herself responding. “Um…those ones,” Bette said pointing to the powder blue sneakers. 

“Are you and Tee back together?” Alice couldn’t help herself, even after being admonished by Dana to mind her own business. “How long before you make a proper woman out of her?”

“Alice!” Dana shrieked. “Shut it.”

Bette shook her head. If it were anyone else she would have used her black belt in mouth karate to cut her down, however, she knew Alice and was going to let Alice be Alice. Their friends were bound to find out very soon anyway. “Tina and I have decided to get back together. I’m actually moving in this weekend.”

Dana was thrilled. “Oh Bette that is wonderful news.”

“No shit! I knew it! I have to text Shaney.” Alice quickly pulled her phone from her pocket and started texting Shane.

“How do you know Bette or Tina don’t want to tell her themselves!” Dana barked.

“It’s fine…it’s one less call we make,” Bette reasoned. “I would ask though, that nothing be mentioned to Angie about my moving in. We want to tell her about it later.”

“Absolutely,” Dana said arching a brow towards Alice as she awaited some sign that she understood Bette’s request.

“Uh..yeah…sure. Shane is going to call me in like 2 minutes of getting this.”

Angie arrived at the sneaker section with a t-shirt in her hand. “Hi Auntie Dana, Auntie Alice.”

“Hi Angie,” each said nearly in unison.

“What do you have there?” Bette asked.

“I was hoping you would think about getting me this. I love this material.”

Bette looked at the price and then nodded her approval. 

“Thanks Momma B.”

Alice’s phone rang at the very same time Angie said she was going to take a look at the basketball sneakers. Bette motioned for her to not talk in front of Angie, at which time Alice walked away from the sneaker section and towards the other end of the store.

#

Angie appreciated the momentary relief that the shopping excursion provided before she was to engage in a conversation with Bonnie. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but Bette provided as much reassurance as she could that it wasn’t as painful as some people make it out to be.

When Angie and Bette first entered the office, Angie felt her stomach tighten. Bonnie seemed nice enough, and the room wasn’t as cold as Angie had assumed it would be. In fact, there was a pretty nice sitting area where a leather sofa and three chairs stood. In the center was a coffee table with a few magazines spread out.

Bonnie introduced herself and explained that she was sharing this first session with Bette, but future sessions could be one on one with Angie exclusively should she choose so.

After a short discussion with Bette to determine what was going on with her, Bonnie turned the discussion to Angie. Both she and Bette enlightened Bonnie as to what had occurred at the gymnasium the day before, as well as providing a reminder of the relationship between Angie and Nicole.

“It sounds like your friend was pretty lucky.” Bonnie spoke softly, aware this was Angie’s first visit.

“Yeah, she really was. I’m glad she’s okay.”

“I bet you are. Adolescents with eating disorders are dangerously high, and we think they are higher than what the data has revealed to us because it’s such a hidden disease. Often times studies and data obtained from self reports can be skewed. Do you think there is a big problem in your school?”

Angie tilted her head as she gave it some thought. “It doesn’t seem so. Maybe the kids don’t bother to tell anyone…like you said.”

“Did you tell anyone when you were experimenting with laxatives?”

Angie shrunk in her seat. “No,” she said just short of a whisper. 

“You see, that’s very common. Hiding various aspects of the disease isn’t unusual. How long have you been taking the pills Angie?”

“Not long…maybe a couple of weeks or so.”

Bonnie made a few notes on her notepad. “Have you ever intentionally vomited?”

Angie looked at Bette, aware that she had done that on many occasions. “No, I haven’t done that.”

“Have you ever taken any over the counter diet pills?”

“No…I’ve thought about it before, but never did.”

“Have you intentionally skipped meals even when you were hungry?”

Angie looked at Bette once more. “It’s okay Boo…be honest, no one is going to get mad at you.”

“Yes. I have.”

“Have you taken any energy drinks in hopes to speed up your metabolism?”

“No, I don’t like those.”

“So…before say…two weeks ago, you really hadn’t done anything in terms of harming your body with any agents to lose weight?”

“Nope, I hadn’t.”

“What do you see when you look in the mirror?”

Angie remained silent as she attempted to keep her composure. It was a hard question to answer. It was a tender and sensitive one. “I don’t like what I see.”

Bette knew this would be equally hard for her as well. She saw her daughter as an incredibly beautiful young girl who was transitioning through adolescence. It was an awkward time for any boy or girl, and certainly a time filled with enormous change.

“What is it that you don’t like?”

“How I look…I don’t look like the other girls. I have this crazy hair that can easily get out of control. It can be so frizzy at time, and unless I pull it back and throw it in a bun it usually looks dumb. I can’t stand my body. I’m fat and fat isn’t in.”

Angie’s frustration with her hair was the first Bette had heard of it. Certainly there were better hair products available which may help her, ones which would likely need to be purchased through a salon.

“You look to be about 5’…4” maybe?”

“Yeah, around there.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, how much do you weigh right now?”

“I’m porked out at 112 right now.”

“Porked out? Angie, based on the Nemours Foundation, your BMI is 21.5 putting you in the 62 percentile. The healthy weight range for your height and age is between 98 and 144. Realize though, that 98 would be on the low end. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your being 112 pounds.”

“I would still like to be under 100.”

“Do you feel good at this weight?”

“I hate myself, how could I feel good?”

“I mean, do you physically feel good? When you ran around the gym yesterday, did you feel like you were overly tired?”

“No, no I didn’t.”

“Someone who is overweight, or … ‘porked’ as you refer to it, would likely be feeling pretty wiped. You felt good…you had energy…that is healthy. Take a look at your friend Nicole who I assume is slim?”

“Yeah, she’s pretty slim.”

“Well there you go. Outwardly she appears to have that ideal image right? All that thinness going on?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, lest you forget what her obsession with obtaining a certain ‘image’ rather than understand what those numbers on the scale represent got her. She did everything to lose what she viewed as her ‘pork’ to make the team, and no doubt she has lost the chance to do so.”

“I don’t know that I did either.”

“Do you regret that you stopped taking the laxatives?”

“No…I don’t. I understand how dangerous they were, and that my parents were right.”

“You need to hold onto that Ange. You need to do your best to remember how poorly Nicole did during tryouts, nearly killing herself in the process, compared to how much more healthier you felt on that same court.”

Angie nodded in agreement.

“In these sessions Angie, you and I are going to do some work. I hope to educate you on healthy imagery, eliminate the fallacies, and make some progress on building a high sense of self esteem. This isn’t something that will be achieved quickly, but I think we’ll be able to set some reasonable goals in doing so.”


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is here! I need to take this moment and thank each of you for reading, and especially those who have left comments along the way. As a writer, it is so wonderful to be able to interact with readers and gauge what they thinking, feeling, and more. It is also a lot of fun, as there are times I find myself laughing out loud, and with an occasional snort over some comments. You folks have been a lot of fun! Thanks for coming for the ride. ~ Chicki

CHAPTER 60

Tina was happy when Bette had called her earlier in the day to say she was able to move their appointment up. The table was set, and the chili was on warm, and the salad was in the fridge. The only thing Tina Kennard needed was both her girls and the evening would be complete.

She was more than curious to find out how Angie felt about the therapy session with Bonnie. Bette had given her a quick phone call while they were in the Sports store, updating her about Angie’s school day and how their daughter was feeling as a result. 

Tina was about to retrieve some napkins from the cabinet when she saw car lights illuminate the garage door, an indication that they were probably home. She turned on the outside light and opened the door from the kitchen. 

Angie grabbed her back pack and headed towards the door while Bette grabbed a handful of clothes she had carefully arranged in the trunk.

“Hi Ange, I made some chili tonight.”

“Hi Mom, that sounds awesome.”

Angie stepped passed Tina and dropped her bag before scooping up Misty and heading into the living room.

“Do you need some help?” Tina offered, noticing Bette was taking something from the trunk. 

“No, I think I have it.” Bette closed the trunk and headed towards the beautiful blonde who had been waiting on her arrival. “I sure hope you have plenty of closet space for all my shit.”

Tina laughed as Bette hit the top step. She leaned in and kissed her on the lips. “Of course I have some space. I cleaned an entire dresser and made a fair amount of room in the closet.”

“Thank you.” Bette brought her clothes to the living room and draped them over the back of the sofa.

“What are those?” Angie inquired.

“Some clothes,” Bette answered, hoping to leave the news about her selling the house and moving in until later, after they found out if Angie made the team or not. “It’s been hard keeping most of my clothes at my house.”

Misty wiggled out of Angie’s arms and walked across the sofa to Bette’s clothing. “I think she likes your suit Momma B.”

Bette turned back in time to witness Misty rubbing her fur against one of her more expensive business suits. “Hey! Scoot….scoot before we make cat chili.”

Angie raised a brow. “You be nice to Misty, she was only being friendly.”

“She can be friendly by killing any mice that may be around. When it comes to rubbing against my clothing…that is means for firm and swift punishment.”

“Gosh…” Angie left the living and made her way to the kitchen where she retrieved the envelope which contained the tryout results from her back pack. 

“What’s that?” Tina inquired as she brought the bowl of salad to the table.

“It’s the letter from the coach…about the tryouts.”

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Tina went back to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of raspberry lime seltzer, then told her girls to come to the table for dinner. 

“I’ll wait later…after dinner.”

While each of them started to eat their salad, each one shared how their day was with Angie sharing much of the same she had shared with Bette earlier. When they were finished, everyone was eager to begin sampling the chili. Bette volunteered to bring the crock pot to the table, allowing Tina to stay seated.

“I could have gotten that babe.”

“It’s fine, you’ve been busy putting all this together for us. You deserve to sit down and be waited on; you do it enough for each of us.”

Tina smiled, comforted by Bette’s appreciation for what she did not just tonight, but recognizing her efforts overall.

“We’ll stop at the pharmacy tomorrow night,” Bette said as she served Angie a bowl of chili.

Angie looked confused. “For?”

“Thank you,” Tina said as she accepted a bowl from Bette.

“Well you have earned enough to pay restitution. The sooner we take care of that the better.”

Angie sighed. She wasn’t comfortable having to face the people at the pharmacy, in fact she was quite embarrassed.

Bette glanced at Angie as she took her first mouthful of chili. “Mmm…this is incredible.”

“Thanks,” Tina said with a smile. “I’m glad you like it. How about you Angie?”

“I think I’m going to get indigestion.” Angie was being overdramatic.

“Drama won’t help,” Bette said with a laugh. “Don’t worry, as embarrassing as it is I am sure that they will end up gaining a lot of respect for you.”

“The chili is really good Mom.”

“Thank you honey, and look at it this way, the quicker you do it the faster you can just put it behind you right?” Tina tried to offer a bit of optimism to her pessimistic daughter.

“I know, it’s just….Ugh…it just sucks ya know?”

Bette and Tina both arched their brows.

“Stinks…it stinks,” Bette was the first to correct the young girl.

“You guys get so bent out of shape over little words like ‘sucks,’ I can’t imagine what you would do if you heard half of the stuff that the kids say in school.”

Bette was in the process of sipping her tonic and lost the chance of a response to Tina.

“Well, as you know quite well already young lady, just because the other kids are doing something, it doesn’t mean you should do it too.”

Angie rolled her eyes. She knew the message her mom was sending, and though deep inside she agreed with it, she was still a teenager who didn’t enjoy hearing the familiar sayings repeated.

#

Following dinner, the family cleaned the kitchen together before they settled in the living room. “Alright, you’ve been holding onto that envelope for far too long. Let’s get that thing opened up.” Bette was eager to learn whether Angie had made the team. 

Angie placed the envelope on the coffee table, opting to take a seat on the chair while her parents sat together on the sofa.

It had been quite a journey, and this…this was the day of reckoning. This was the day which everything that preceded it, over the past several weeks was based upon. Angie’s entire self image issues came to a climax over the words which would be staring back at her on the page of that unopened envelope.

Tina took a deep breath in, hoping that the news would be good. She feared that a rejection at this time may be too early in Angie’s treatment and send her in a tailspin. She taken hold of Bette’s hand, aware that the last time she had done so with such anticipation was when they were sitting in her OBGYN’s office waiting to confirm that she was pregnant. Bette’s hand wrapped around Tina’s. She hoped more than anything that her gut feeling was right. She hadn’t prepared herself enough for the possibility of Angie not making the team.

“Do you want me to open it?” Bette’s words were filled with trepidation. 

Angie stared at the envelope which was now in her hands. “If I didn’t make it, it’s not the end of the world right?” She turned the letter over and slid her finger across the back.

“Right,” Tina reaffirmed. “Not at all.”

Angie pulled out the single white piece of paper and carefully started to unfold it! “I mean, I’m probably luckier than most who may be getting rejected today. I at least have two parents who love me so much, and taught me so much about….”NO FUCKING WAY! I made it! I MADE IT!” Angie sprung from the sofa, rushing to her parents.

“Apparently we still haven’t taught her much about dropping those bombs,” Tina said with a half smile before being gathered up into a group hug, initiated by her overly excited daughter.

“I knew it!” Bette’s mouth was squashed against Angie’s shoulder. “I’m so proud of you Boo.”

“Angie, honey…I need to breathe.” Tina was nearly choking on her words. “Let me go or we won’t be able to teach you anything else.”

Angie released the strong embrace she had both her moms in, and started making announcements of everything she intended to do, from daily basketball workouts, to calling some of her friends, to preparing a healthy meal plan so she could remain on top of her game. The latter admission brought a smile to both Bette and Tina.

“Goes to show ya doesn’t it?”

“What’s that?” Bette and Tina asked at nearly the same time.

“Even a porker can get on the team.”

As Angie rushed from the room to inform her friends of the good news, Bette and Tina sat back, taking in Angie’s remark.

Tina looked at Bette, a hint of fear in her eyes.

“It takes time Tee. I’ve been in and out of therapy for this damn thing for a long time now. I’m hopeful for her…I think we are doing everything we can early enough for it to make a difference.”

Tina wrapped her arms around Bette. She knew that the demons this woman held, had been based on a lifetime of pain, originating from an ignorant father and a few others who had a hand in pulling the disease out of remission once it was at rest. “I’m hopeful for you too,” Tina whispered. “Together we will be full. There won’t be anymore living on empty for either of you.”

Bette grabbed hold of Tina and hugged her. “I love you Tina Kennard, and if our coming back to one another was meant to begin on such a rocky road, then I would have it no other way.”

When Bette broke her embrace, she stared into Tina’s eyes which were beginning to fill with tears.

“I love you too,” Tina whispered. “So much…I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

“Nor mine without you…”

The two lovers shared a series of tender kisses, savoring this private moment as they celebrated Angie’s good news, second chances, and most important…the love between them.

“Come on,” Bette said as she grabbed hold of Tina’s hand. “Let’s tell Angie I’m moving in.”

“Not to mention that she has another day added to her punishment for dropping the ‘F’ bomb.” Tina tried hard to keep a serious expression.

“You’re not serious?” Bette started to defend Angie’s position. “I mean, she was totally excited Tee…I can’t really blame her for dropping—“

“Shut up and kiss me,” Tina said with a laugh as she pulled Bette to her. 

Their lips merged together, enjoying the soft skin they felt in return. It wasn’t long before one decided to part them, inviting the other in. Their lips and tongues engaged in the familiar way they had always done. 

“Gosh, is that all you two do?” Angie admonished as she entered the living room. 

Bette was the first to quickly disengage. 

“Seriously, you two need to get a hotel.”

“Get used to it, Momma B is moving in,” Tina returned. 

“What? Seriously? We are staying here?”

Bette and Tina both nodded.

“That’s awesome! Oh my god, I’m so glad we don’t have to move.” Angie once again turned and rushed from the living room. “I can’t wait to call my friends and tell them!”

Bette and Tina looked at one another, falling back against the sofa in a fit of laughter. 

“Welcome home baby.” The words were broken, said between breaths and laughs. “Welcome home.”

**THE END  
** © 2008 Chicki  
Disclaimer: This Fan Fiction posting contains fictitious characters and a fictitious storyline. Most characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime Television. Readers must not modify, copy/plagiarize, disseminate, or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the said author of this Fan Fiction posting. None of the materials provided on this Fan Fiction posting may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from author. 


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